Friday, December 16, 2011

Maybe = Yes

I'm going to be honest. I've only had three boyfriends in my life, and I married the third, so, um, my scope of things is limited. But do you want to know what all three men had in common that I loved so much about them.

When they said, "Maybe" they really meant, "Yes."

When 17-year-old me asked carless MacTroll if there was any way that he could visit me at the University of Iowa Yearbook camp for our one year anniversary. He said, "Maybe."

He showed up, found me at the mall, grabbed my ass -- and almost got punched for it.

When 22-year-old me got into graduate school at American, I called him up and asked if he'd like to move with me. He said, "Yes." When I asked him if he thought we'd do okay living in the same 700 square feet (let alone the same area code) after being long-distance for six years, he said, "Maybe."

When 29-year-old pregnant me asked if he could find a job within Apple where he wouldn't spend 6 months in Tokyo, he said, "Hell yes." Then he committed to scooping the cats for me for a year. Then he committed to taking the night shifts with the baby so I could get some sleep.

Now at 36, he doesn't say maybe that often. But maybe that's because he doesn't have to. Maybe it's because he automatically puts us first when he can. And maybe that's why we're looking at a move to California so hard in the next year or so. Because wouldn't it be nice to be a team more than 40 percent of the time?

--- Maybe --

But I have to tell you, I could never have been with someone where maybe meant no. I need hope and something to look forward to. I need someone else who wants to move mountains. Maybe = no is like saying I don't know. And I hate that phrase more than any other when it comes out of the mouth of men, especially about things that I think they should know -- like their children's shoe sizes or the kind of toilet paper we use. Or... how you feel about another human being.

But right now, MacTroll knows I've been feeling pretty shitty. So he and I spent some time last night making our hotel reservations for San Jose. We're going to spend two nights there in the new Hilton and then two nights in Half Moon Bay. Which reminds me, that I need to call two different school districts and ask for information on coming to tour four different elementary schools, while we drive through the neighborhoods. I'm pretty sure I know where we want to end up as a family with young children. But I just need to see the "hood" with my own eyes.


Ktdid said...

I love you guys so much--so much that I'll maybe visit--maybe more than you want ;) You three make my life more pleasant, more real, more livable. I'm sad thinking about how much less I'll see you but thrilled by the knowledge that you'll be together more as a family. I'm also so very happy that you plan & think about your moves. It allows it to sink in & become real. And I'm so very excited about visits to a place that brings smiles to my face.

Lindsay said...

I love this. I too married a man where "maybe" always means yes, and yet the possibility that it could mean otherwise leaves me as giddy and hopeful as a kid on Christmas Eve. It keeps things fun, right?

Best of luck in finding the perfect hood and the perfect situation for the three of you. We are moving to our perfect fit on Tuesday, and maybe becoming a family of five this Spring.

Maybe this life has turned out just as I always hoped it would :).

You three have a wonderful holiday break, hopefully 2012 will bring movement towards that happy maybe place.

Looseyfur said...

That's a whole series of awesome updates! E-mail me your new address.

Lindsay said...

Because I can't make anything simple--email me your email ( and I'll send you our new address!

Hope you guys are having a fantastic holiday break :).