The television show Friends came on when I was a freshman in college. On Thursday nights the entire dorm would gather in rooms to watch the show. And I remember as the Monica storyline began to go down the "Monica used to be fat" road, I cringed. And then the next shot was Courtney Cox in a "fat outfit." Sigh.
But what struck me as even more strange was that Monica was a chef. I wondered how a fat person even begins to go down the line of controlling the thing they've had an addiction and emotional attachment to enough to spend all day in the kitchen. Even in the last few seasons, Monica never was able to conquer that hard-wired food drive, but being the uber control freak she became (and I often wonder if this was a result of losing the weight) I think being in control of the food (and the exercise) helped her get to the point where she could somehow find some kind of balance, even if it made her crazy neurotic.
I've been cooking a lot in the last several months. When I had to stop to go back in the box for six weeks, it really freaked me out. Cooking has become therapeutic. I like to research what I make, plan meals and create them. Sure, I'm no Remy from Ratatouille, but I like the consistency. Maybe some day I'll get creative enough to figure out what will taste good together without needing a recipe. But I now understand Monica's career choice.
When I got back out of the box, I started baking bread. Mostly because MacTroll won't eat the low-calorie sliced bread that I bring home. I thought it would be cheaper. And it is in a way, but it's not any better for him. My problem is that as I experiment trying to find a lower calorie, higher fiber bakery bread that he'll willingly consume -- I've been watching my good bread (that he won't willingly consume because it's brown) go to waste -- and so I use it on my sandwiches or with my soup. But truthfully things with flour in them are a trigger food. I need less bread in the house, not more.
So what to do? I have a husband who is a sandwich freak. And usually my response is, "He lives out of this house two weeks a month, he can get sandwiches out there..." But at the same time, white bread isn't on his recommended food list, but he's a big boy that makes his own choices.
Do I just buy what fits into my list and disregard the pleading for white bread? I mean, we're already starting to get used to having less food around the house due to the change in our budget. Is it wrong to also use the budget to not buy anything on a regular basis that doesn't have a food is fuel mentality?
Because the truth is, I don't really believe that. I love my cooking. It's a passion. But maybe I can use that power for some kind of good moderation? Any ideas?
As for now, just so you know, MacTroll is Joey in that clip above. :-)