Sunday, July 29, 2012

We Could Use Some Hugs Around Here

This morning X-man and I drove out to Clinton Lake to meet up with Lavender Lemonade and her family. The water level was insanely low. I know I had read an article in the News-Gazette about it, but it was still weird to see the first three buoys in the swim area resting on what used to be a foot or more of water. As it was, we didn't have to really worry much about the kids going too deep. Early Bird could even walk out to the end of the swim area without it going above her waist! Our families have been going to Clinton Lake every summer since X-man was one. I tried not to focus on the fact that this might be our last beach trip with them. We had fun and our kids got along very well. It was a lovely 3 hours. Plus, LL invited me to try out her book club, which was really very nice.

When we got back home, I took a nap and X-man watched the Monopoly documentary for the third time this weekend (no lie). After I got up, I showered and we took our vegetables and a store bought cherry pie over to Banbury for a farewell to the Supers party.

In a sea of free food that was mostly covered in cheese or sugar, I managed to only eat zero point fruit and vegetable options. I went home at one point to give Maya some medicine and eat my own veggie sausage and then returned. We were there from 5-8:30 p.m.

What was really lovely, was that one of the moms there came outside and complimented X-man on how well he was playing with her almost 4 year old. I smiled. It was nice being at a party with people and not having to worry about him, because he was pretty much the oldest child there, and he is a dream with smaller children.

When we said goodbye to the Supers, Shanna made sure to remind me that they're in Danville at her parents for the next 10 days or so. So she promised to text when they were in town to see if we wanted to get together. But it didn't matter... we were walking home and as soon as we reached their fence, I started to cry. X-man, as always, was 1/2 block behind, so he didn't see, and I managed to get it under control by the time I got into the garage. But so many people whose babies grew up with my baby aren't really in my life any more. It was such an important part of my life as a mother and losing the Supers and Libbygirl at the same time has pretty much knocked me on my ass emotionally.

When we got home, I tried to give Maya some food to eat on her own. She refused, but then she started sniffing around the pet treat jar. I opened it up and took out the feline greenies and dropped one on the counter top. She jumped on it like she was starving. I tried to be tricky and sprinkle them into the wet food. No dice. I tried the dry food. No dice. But alone, she was ravenous for them. When she was done, I force fed her and made sure she was medicated for the night.

I finished the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. I fed Clawdio and Luke their wet food and let the dog in and out 14 times (she had a treat she couldn't decide if she wanted to eat or bury in X-man's sandbox).

Meanwhile, X-man chilled out watching Phineas and Ferb on Netflix. Then he went upstairs and brushed his teeth. I came upstairs and he climbed into bed. He started crying. I asked what was wrong. He said he didn't want new neighbors. He wanted the Supers to always be our neighbors, because he didn't remember what life was like without Chloe across the street. I told him that even though they weren't our neighbors any more, they would always be our friends.

He nodded. And then his face curled up and he told me he was sad because he doesn't want to die. He started asking questions about what happens when we die. He asked if he'd ever be able to live again or if he could watch what was happening in the world. We talked about reincarnation. We talked about the idea of heaven. He asked me what I thought. I told him that I thought people died and were gone but who they were lived on in the hearts of the people that loved them. He said he wanted to die and come back as a boy with dark hair and blue eyes. I asked if I'd get to be his mother again. He started sobbing and shook his head no. This made me cry.

We wiped our eyes and noses on some Kleenex and instead talked about good things, like what we like about each other. I stressed his kindness to others and his need to try to find compromise even when other children refused to listen. I complimented how smart and curious he is. He told me he liked me more than everything. That was nice to hear.

I think we both had a hard day, and really needed some sleep. It's almost midnight and I'm still up, but he fell asleep several hours ago... on MacTroll's side of the bed, with a 1-year-old dog curled up next to him.

Me, I'm sitting here with a Maya cat on my head. (She likes me to wear her like she's a big Russian fur hat.) But she's purring, and she chose to eat something on her own for the first time in two weeks, so, you know that was a big step in the right direction.

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