And I wanted to ask a question to the parents who read my blog. Do you ever feel like your kid is the "bad kid" in his playgroup? If you do, do you just choose to stay home more? Or do you think it's more helpful to have them in social environments, even if you have a terrible time following them around all the time?
I think about that all the time. Mostly because of the physical stuff I go through with X-man. I think about it when he pushes or bites or throws something at a friend. There's this part that just wants to go crazy -- except he can't just run and jump and tackle the other kids -- lots of times because he's so much bigger than they are and other times because when he gets overexcited -- he bites. And it's completely unpredictable. He can jump on and play with Wondergirl and be fine. But then he gets around other kids and chomp!
So, I keep trying him in a controlled environment where there's other stuff to do. But as he gets older, he starts to get more "rough house" excited. And I'm worried. Really worried. And I swear, I'm waiting for one of the other parents to completely cut me to my knees about it.
5 comments:
Yes, I do often feel that one or both of my kids are the "bad kid" in the group. Sometimes, it is because they are older, I feel like they should be better behaved than anyone else. Sometimes, it is because they are really out of control. Sometimes I see things that aren't there because I'm stressed and take it out on them.
When I find that the behavior isn't up to par, I leave. It may not be fair to them (especially because the behavior of one can make them both leave, be glad you only have one) but it is what it is. If it seems to be an ongoing issue that they are having problems time after time, we stop doing things for awhile.
They are like me and need to get out of the house regularly and not being able to do that is a real punishment for them.
As for being cut down, if people are your friends they are going to know that you are doing your best and no one is going to blame you and gripe at you about it. If they aren't your friends, then eff them!!
It has never occurred to me that either of you have "bad kids." We all have kids that have bad days - and all of us have seen each other leave mid-playdate because our kids are freaking out.
Hell, ask Freak. When we walked out of McD's this afternoon, I had two kids in tears, dragging them through the parking lot.
And none of us would ever judge or cut you to your knees. Because the next day, we're in the same position. And I agree with Freak - the Judgey McJudgersons can go eff themselves. Unless they have something constructive to say or want to offer help, they need to keep their mouths shut.
When Henry was at the unpredictable, yet predictable, biting and pushing stage I stayed on him like white on rice at playgroup and intervened early and often. He got enough freedom at daycare that I often worried he would become a bully. Now at nearly four he plays SO well with other kids at public places like the children's museum or McD. I can relax and watch him from afar and be proud of his social skills.
I've thought of Rowan as the "bad kid" before. When the group first started (and it was usually just me and Libbygirl) it seemed like everywhere we went Rowan would target little girls. One mom was so upset when he pushed down her little girl you would have thought he stabbed her!
I don't think we have ever left early, but if I thought it was neccessary I probably would. I don't think you should be worried, kids are kids especially young kids they are still just children. I've been looking through my old notes from child dev. class cause for some reason it helps me to deal with Rowan better if I know there ARE reasons for why he acts this way.
I think when you have gone through having what you think might be the "bad kid" it is probably easier to not judge the other parents. But I suppose if your child is always an angel (HA!) it might be hard to not judge. Like before I had kids I'm sure I had opinions of kids behavior :) I was actually glad when Rowan was bit at daycare because it was always him doing the biting and I felt awful everytime.
My kids have always been the one who dramatically respond to the naughty kid with loud wails. Embarrassment can come from both ends. Also, I've never minded a rough kid if it was obvious that the mom and the kid were working on, I would even help with the disciplining if I could. I would get seriously angry, if a kid was being physical with my girls and the mom did nothing.
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