Yesterday, MacTroll and I met with X-man's "team" at Carrie Busey. The team is made up of various teachers and administrators who have various specialities and can do observations of children to see if they need any special interventions/accommodations.
When we last met, we talked about X-man's emotional issues. He gets stressed out very easily and could only have successful academic interactions with one other student in his class. He had difficulties making his letters. He had spatial awareness challenges sitting in a space on the carpet or standing in line going to specials (music, art, etc.). He was fidgeting and constantly pulling at his socks or putting things in his mouth.
So we put our heads together and came up with some things to try. His teachers followed them and then reported back on his growth.
The awesome news was that most of the feedback were celebrations. He's not chewing on as many things (although he still has no fingernails). His OT is helping his handwriting and he's making giant improvements. He has an emotional thermometer where he records how he's feeling throughout the day that has made a giant difference in letting him know when he's getting aggravated and needing some chill out time. He also meets with a social thinking group that utilizes the Zones of Regulation to help children become more aware of their emotions and to regulate them before they get to a breaking point.
His one challenge remains special awareness. He walks either at the front or the back of the line to be the most successful, but he seems to have trouble sitting up during carpet time. He has a special stool to sit in, so he can swivel around and keep moving without the danger of leaning back and tipping his chair.
What this means is that since we've seen improvements because of the accommodations, he has a 504 plan. If he hadn't been improving, we would have to take another six weeks to do a full case study and work toward an Individual Education Plan (IEP).
He takes his 504 with him to California when we move. And we'll have to sit down with the new principal and talk to them about how they operate and where they think the best place will be for X-man.
The administration and teachers at Carrie Busey have been extraordinary. They even told us to feel free to have his new school call if they want any additional information on the plan or on X-man in the school.
Showing posts with label 504 Plan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 504 Plan. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
504 Plan Meeting
Today, Joel and I had a 504 plan meeting at Xander's school. The meeting was initiated by us after Xander's handwriting issues came to light and the fact that he's starting to get socially ostracized at school again and his teachers reported that he falls apart crying repeatedly during the day as a result of his social anxiety.
At the meeting were his two classroom teachers, the school special education director, the school psychologist, a speech therapist, a special education curriculum coordinator, the assistant principal, another first grade teacher and us. The school team had done several observations of Xander looking at different areas of development. Everyone was in agreement that Xander has developmental delay issues that cause social issues, handwriting issues, spatial issues and fidgeting/sensory issues.
His constant fidgeting, nose picking, biting on his fingers, picking at his clothes, etc., are getting worse. He no longer uses his purple fidget appropriately in class, so we are looking for other options for him, like putting velcro under his desk so he can touch that, and putting bands on his chair so he can push his feet against them (he has a habit of constantly tipping his chair back). They'll also be creating boundaries (like a square section where he sits on the carpet) and giving him a flexible stool so that he can still move, but will know where all of his body parts will need to be contained. This might also alleviate all of his picking at his socks and shoes if they're on the floor and he's sitting up.
These aren't discipline issues. He appears to lack the executive function ability in his brain to stop these habits or regulate his intensity of emotions. Thinking that you can use discipline to cure him of his issues is pretty much the equivalent of thinking you can cure someone of being gay or beat someone into being developmentally normal. Xander is not neurotypical for his age. The anxiety he feels has begun to manifest itself in some sensory defensiveness according to his occupational therapy evaluation. So, we have been purchasing special seamless socks and cutting tags out of clothing items, when needed. It's not all the time, but usually he's kind of amped up before school, so that's when shoes suddenly feel too tight and underwear tags pain him, etc.
One of the social workers will be going into his classroom to talk about how children are different. The teachers have identified that for the most part, kids are pretty sympathetic, but that doesn't mean any of them want to make X-man their friend. They avoid him. But the teachers do say that there are children in their class that will try to provoke him when the teachers are not looking to get him to react/cry because they know he's different. The teachers have tried to have him work with 22 of the 23 children in the class as a partner in learning (reading activities/math activities) and they have identified only one child that he is able to be consistently successful with. On the playground, he will sometimes play in a small group (if they play tag) and he does follow directions, but he does get easily overwhelmed by group activity or by his emotions when he wants to play something that the group doesn't want to play. His communications and relations with adults, however, are very clear.
He'll be going to the social thinking/Zones of Regulation group twice a week and will continue with the handwriting group once a week, in addition to his behavioral therapy with April and his handwriting with Kim (our Occupational Therapist) out of school.
We meet again, as a group, on Jan. 22. If things aren't responding to the 504 plan, we'll probably try to develop an IEP, which is tricky because there are specific parameters for a child to fit in to get one and the "educational" consideration to get one with his issues would be under "autism." X-man's difficulties, according to my reading, mirror three different developmental disorder possibilities: autism/asperger's, PPD-NOS and Gifted. The school label does not mean anything in a clinical setting. It's just the best way to get him the services he needs, and right now, it's often difficult to be labeled "Gifted with a learning disability" in a public school setting anywhere. In fact, often children who perform at grade level standards don't get selected for services, because technically, despite whatever learning disability or disorder they have they are seen as functioning within normal perimeters on a cognitive level.
The handbook for doctors that determine these diagnosis and the requirements are changing in May 2013. Asperger's and most of the kids identified as PDD-NOS will no longer be on the spectrum because they usually usually have normal cognitive abilities. Instead, they'll have to be rediagnosed as having a social/communication disorder (which we won't know the specifics of until it is released).
So what's the difference between a 504 plan and an Individual Educational Plan (IEP)? Both plans are supported by the federal government and must be acknowledged in every state. However, a 504 plan is for individuals who have less issues than someone with an IEP. The idea is that with the appropriate minimal accommodations and interventions the child will be able to be successful in the classroom with a 504 plan. With an IEP, it's recognized as a much longer road. If we move to California both plans will move with him, the difference is that with a 504 plan, the new school district will implement Illinois' plan but will immediately initiate a 60-day review and may make changes and revisions as they see fit. With an IEP, they have to follow the goals exactly as in the plan. From what I've read last night, the plan is usually in place for about 3 years.
If in January, we don't think there's been enough beneficial movement forward, we'll be working on an IEP, which means the school district will need another 60 days to complete their reviews/observations. In that regard, we'll be putting the house up for sale more at the end of March than the beginning to make sure we have everything ready and in hand in case we sell early.
But that's how the meeting went. There were no surprises, and everyone was very supportive and on the same page. His teachers are amazing. They're very honest about his needs and open to helping him any way they can. We are very thankful for them.
At the meeting were his two classroom teachers, the school special education director, the school psychologist, a speech therapist, a special education curriculum coordinator, the assistant principal, another first grade teacher and us. The school team had done several observations of Xander looking at different areas of development. Everyone was in agreement that Xander has developmental delay issues that cause social issues, handwriting issues, spatial issues and fidgeting/sensory issues.
His constant fidgeting, nose picking, biting on his fingers, picking at his clothes, etc., are getting worse. He no longer uses his purple fidget appropriately in class, so we are looking for other options for him, like putting velcro under his desk so he can touch that, and putting bands on his chair so he can push his feet against them (he has a habit of constantly tipping his chair back). They'll also be creating boundaries (like a square section where he sits on the carpet) and giving him a flexible stool so that he can still move, but will know where all of his body parts will need to be contained. This might also alleviate all of his picking at his socks and shoes if they're on the floor and he's sitting up.
These aren't discipline issues. He appears to lack the executive function ability in his brain to stop these habits or regulate his intensity of emotions. Thinking that you can use discipline to cure him of his issues is pretty much the equivalent of thinking you can cure someone of being gay or beat someone into being developmentally normal. Xander is not neurotypical for his age. The anxiety he feels has begun to manifest itself in some sensory defensiveness according to his occupational therapy evaluation. So, we have been purchasing special seamless socks and cutting tags out of clothing items, when needed. It's not all the time, but usually he's kind of amped up before school, so that's when shoes suddenly feel too tight and underwear tags pain him, etc.
One of the social workers will be going into his classroom to talk about how children are different. The teachers have identified that for the most part, kids are pretty sympathetic, but that doesn't mean any of them want to make X-man their friend. They avoid him. But the teachers do say that there are children in their class that will try to provoke him when the teachers are not looking to get him to react/cry because they know he's different. The teachers have tried to have him work with 22 of the 23 children in the class as a partner in learning (reading activities/math activities) and they have identified only one child that he is able to be consistently successful with. On the playground, he will sometimes play in a small group (if they play tag) and he does follow directions, but he does get easily overwhelmed by group activity or by his emotions when he wants to play something that the group doesn't want to play. His communications and relations with adults, however, are very clear.
He'll be going to the social thinking/Zones of Regulation group twice a week and will continue with the handwriting group once a week, in addition to his behavioral therapy with April and his handwriting with Kim (our Occupational Therapist) out of school.
We meet again, as a group, on Jan. 22. If things aren't responding to the 504 plan, we'll probably try to develop an IEP, which is tricky because there are specific parameters for a child to fit in to get one and the "educational" consideration to get one with his issues would be under "autism." X-man's difficulties, according to my reading, mirror three different developmental disorder possibilities: autism/asperger's, PPD-NOS and Gifted. The school label does not mean anything in a clinical setting. It's just the best way to get him the services he needs, and right now, it's often difficult to be labeled "Gifted with a learning disability" in a public school setting anywhere. In fact, often children who perform at grade level standards don't get selected for services, because technically, despite whatever learning disability or disorder they have they are seen as functioning within normal perimeters on a cognitive level.
The handbook for doctors that determine these diagnosis and the requirements are changing in May 2013. Asperger's and most of the kids identified as PDD-NOS will no longer be on the spectrum because they usually usually have normal cognitive abilities. Instead, they'll have to be rediagnosed as having a social/communication disorder (which we won't know the specifics of until it is released).
So what's the difference between a 504 plan and an Individual Educational Plan (IEP)? Both plans are supported by the federal government and must be acknowledged in every state. However, a 504 plan is for individuals who have less issues than someone with an IEP. The idea is that with the appropriate minimal accommodations and interventions the child will be able to be successful in the classroom with a 504 plan. With an IEP, it's recognized as a much longer road. If we move to California both plans will move with him, the difference is that with a 504 plan, the new school district will implement Illinois' plan but will immediately initiate a 60-day review and may make changes and revisions as they see fit. With an IEP, they have to follow the goals exactly as in the plan. From what I've read last night, the plan is usually in place for about 3 years.
If in January, we don't think there's been enough beneficial movement forward, we'll be working on an IEP, which means the school district will need another 60 days to complete their reviews/observations. In that regard, we'll be putting the house up for sale more at the end of March than the beginning to make sure we have everything ready and in hand in case we sell early.
But that's how the meeting went. There were no surprises, and everyone was very supportive and on the same page. His teachers are amazing. They're very honest about his needs and open to helping him any way they can. We are very thankful for them.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Teaching an Old Mom New Tricks
I've been working on this post for a while, because I wasn't sure if I was going to actually post it or not. Every person has his or her own learning style. Mine is that I'm a research hound. I find out something that interests me and I dive into it. For example, motherhood. When I decided to become a Mom, I checked out every pregnancy book I could get my hand on at the library before I was even pregnant. I wanted to know what I was getting into before I jumped in. I found out quickly that there were books I had to get rid of because they annoyed me in how they conveyed their information. There are a million books about pregnancy and parenting that feel "judgy" to me. That if you don't follow their recommendations to the T -- you are a failure or you're committing child abuse, etc.
Learning about the realities of kids with social anxiety issues like X-man and talking to his therapists and reviewing notes I've taken on his behavior since he moved from side-by-side play to interactive play led me to looking up texts regarding children's social skills. And by look up, I mean full on all-nighters. I feel more comfortable when I "know" about things. I was this way about my foot surgery, too. I don't like surprises when it comes to this kind of stuff. Surprises for birthdays or holidays or just because it's a Tuesday in January, sure. My child's mental health -- not so much.
This means I have a pile of books both from my library and from the Illinois Early Intervention Clearinghouse thanks to my friend LL who works there. A lot of them were created for general education teachers to help them plan and implement ideas in their classrooms. Some are focused on how to best advocate for your child in an IEP meeting. Most of them are about PDD (Pervasive Development Disorder) which is currently what the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) calls Autism, Asperger's and PDD-NOS (Not Otherwise Specified -- which is a catch-all for -- "You share some symptoms with a lot of diagnoses, but aren't clearly on the spectrum in any particular place). There's a great book called "Teaching Children with High-Functioning Autism" by Claire E. Hughes-Lynch, that addresses up front the difference between HF Autism and children that are Gifted.
When I looked at the chart above, I realized that for the most part, the characteristics on the gifted side resembled my son much more than the HF Autistic side, but I found it made sense to me that there were areas were the two "groups" crossed over, particularly in the Attention and Interest Areas.
Growing up in Rockford, I was in a self-contained gifted class from seventh through twelfth grade. I have to admit that I got into it by the skin of my teeth -- like two points on whatever standardized test they had me take when I was 12.
It never occurred to me that they taught me any differently, particularly when the tests the Chemistry teacher gave the regular juniors were the same we got in gifted education sophomore year. I always assumed that "gifted" in my school district meant that you were intellectually smart and tested well, and well, that was it. The sections on "gifted" kids in Hughes-Lynch's book talks about gifted children needing to be taught differently. It also talks about how their neurological processes maybe advanced cognitively but may be thoroughly underdeveloped socially. There is also a "tremendous overlap in characteristics between children with HFA and children who are gifted."
I also learned that anxiety disorders almost always coincide with children who are diagnosed with being on the spectrum, having ADHD and being gifted.
The big word I learned to represent that there are numerous children who have symptoms that overlap diagnoses is comorbidity. Because we have a 504 meeting on Tuesday, I'm trying to read up on how to best advocate for my child. As far as I can tell, X-man doesn't fit into one particular diagnosis more than the others, and because the DSM-IV is changing in May, the one he might fit into best (the random one) is likely to be changing all together from being part of the spectrum to being a communication disorder. And the books are all pretty repetitive in their frustration about how subjective nailing a diagnosis can be for a child with symptoms that work with multiple diagnoses.
Let X-man be X-man has always been my philosophy. It usually works out best. But sometimes in a classroom of 24 people X-man can't be X-man, or at least he doesn't feel like it's okay that he's him.
I talked in an earlier post about a friend who said the key to socialization success in school for her child with Aspberger's was to be quirky rather than weird. As it turns out my favorite book in the heap that I have is called, "Quirky Kids: Understanding and Helping Your Child Who Doesn't Fit In -- When to Worry and When Not to Worry" by Perri Klass, M.D. and Eileen Costello, M.D. It pretty much covers everything and gives a lot of consideration to kids with overlapping symptoms. "Note the way that quirky children, in their rich variety, have made it necessary to create certain categories that are defined by NOT fitting into any categories" (i.e. PDD-NOS). It was also interesting to note that "Virtually all these children have trouble making friends, their behavior is just strange enough to make other kids uncomfortable or scared. The inability to see another's point of view, the anxiety, the tendency to have rigid expectations of others, and the lack of flexibility combine to make this child more alone in the important social world of childhood."
It even hits on the difficulties at home and in the parenting community, "For parents of quirky children, these parenthood realities are particularly intense and charged. Life at home can sometimes feel like an hour-by-hour struggle. It doesn't help much to have well-meaning friends assure you that, of course, they understand..."
So, as I waded through all the PDD stuff, I requested a lot more books on different subjects that they didn't cover very thoroughly like the children with intense emotions. And I found an awesome article on dual diagnosis of being gifted with learning disabilities from SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted). The Internal Factors and Dual Diagnosis headings are fascinating because they not only cover gifted children often having high verbal skills but most of them having poor writing skills and about how schools often don't allow children who are classified as learning disabled to be gifted and vice versa, even though it is entirely possible to be both. Gifted children have tremendous emotional frustration from having minds that can create wonderful stories and understand complicated concepts, but brains that can't seem to get them down on paper.
Then there was an "Ah HA!"
"Along with intensity, one typically finds in gifted individuals an extreme sensitivity-to emotions, sounds, touch, taste, etc. These children may burst into tears while watching a sad event on the evening news, keenly hear fluorescent lights, react strongly to smells, insist on having the tags removed from their shirts, must touch everything, or are overly reactive to touch in a tactile-defensive manner."
This is what we have been going through lately. (Table 1 in the article is also pretty informative regarding strengths and weaknesses).
I am not a doctor. I have never played one on TV. I'm not a social worker or a therapist or pathologist. I'm just a Mom who is trying to figure out how to help her son be successful in a mainstream school environment and how to learn to appreciate his strengths and his weaknesses and to recognize self-acceptance. Do I think my child has PDD-NOS? I don't know. Do I think he's gifted? I don't know. Do I think he's got some sort of Asperger's? I don't know. But I do know that the emotional issues he has are symptoms from all three diagnoses.
I also know that he is a kind, smart, sweet kid, who, when he throws a fit isn't try to be a spoiled brat -- he's trying to rid his brain of the overwhelming feelings he has of fear, shame, frustration, anger, neglect, etc. He has not developed enough to have the ability to calm himself, to focus. Or as stated in Quirky Kid, "Quirky children have tantrums that don't go away if you ignore them, that don't lend themselves to limit-setting and time-outs... Parents don't create the rage in their quirky kids. Tantrums, in most quirky kids, are a combination of their developmental differences, their sensory problems, and their peculiar emotional wiring. You can help your child progress developmentally, filter and accommodate the sensory stimuli, and handle the emotional impulses, but you must do it without laying blame, either on him or yourself."
This is what I've learned so far. I'm going to continue researching emotional intensity and see what how much all of this helps when we go in for our 504 meeting on Tuesday.
On a side note, X-man went to the Sloppy Science program tonight at the Phillips Recreation Center in Urbana. As we're walking in, he tells me he's scared. Then he says, quite matter-of-factly, "Not scared, nervous. Nervous because this is new. I've never been here."
I reassured him that the program was just 90 minutes long, and that it looks like it's the first time they'd had it. If he likes it and they do it again, he could sign up. If he didn't like it, well, then he gave something new a try in the name of his love for science. When we walked in they had some slime on the tables. Another boy came in with his Mom, and he was nervous about staying, too. The boys introduced themselves. He was in first grade at Southside. And then they were both okay with the parents leaving because they could bond with each other.
When I came back, X-man was at a table with three other boys. There was a table of five or six girls to the left, and a table with a boy and a girl together in the back. He told me the different experiments that they did. He said he enjoyed his time there, and he totally dug checking out the dancers that were practicing in a different room on our way out. He was a different kid from the flailing crying mess I picked up from school three times this week. The difference being, I think, the couple hours at home where he just got to chill out and decompress and have some time not stimulated in a busy classroom environment. It also helped that tonight there were 12 kids to 3 adults at the Science event. It meant there could be a lot of one-on-one attention, which X-man thrives on.
Learning about the realities of kids with social anxiety issues like X-man and talking to his therapists and reviewing notes I've taken on his behavior since he moved from side-by-side play to interactive play led me to looking up texts regarding children's social skills. And by look up, I mean full on all-nighters. I feel more comfortable when I "know" about things. I was this way about my foot surgery, too. I don't like surprises when it comes to this kind of stuff. Surprises for birthdays or holidays or just because it's a Tuesday in January, sure. My child's mental health -- not so much.
This means I have a pile of books both from my library and from the Illinois Early Intervention Clearinghouse thanks to my friend LL who works there. A lot of them were created for general education teachers to help them plan and implement ideas in their classrooms. Some are focused on how to best advocate for your child in an IEP meeting. Most of them are about PDD (Pervasive Development Disorder) which is currently what the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) calls Autism, Asperger's and PDD-NOS (Not Otherwise Specified -- which is a catch-all for -- "You share some symptoms with a lot of diagnoses, but aren't clearly on the spectrum in any particular place). There's a great book called "Teaching Children with High-Functioning Autism" by Claire E. Hughes-Lynch, that addresses up front the difference between HF Autism and children that are Gifted.
When I looked at the chart above, I realized that for the most part, the characteristics on the gifted side resembled my son much more than the HF Autistic side, but I found it made sense to me that there were areas were the two "groups" crossed over, particularly in the Attention and Interest Areas.
Growing up in Rockford, I was in a self-contained gifted class from seventh through twelfth grade. I have to admit that I got into it by the skin of my teeth -- like two points on whatever standardized test they had me take when I was 12.
It never occurred to me that they taught me any differently, particularly when the tests the Chemistry teacher gave the regular juniors were the same we got in gifted education sophomore year. I always assumed that "gifted" in my school district meant that you were intellectually smart and tested well, and well, that was it. The sections on "gifted" kids in Hughes-Lynch's book talks about gifted children needing to be taught differently. It also talks about how their neurological processes maybe advanced cognitively but may be thoroughly underdeveloped socially. There is also a "tremendous overlap in characteristics between children with HFA and children who are gifted."
I also learned that anxiety disorders almost always coincide with children who are diagnosed with being on the spectrum, having ADHD and being gifted.
The big word I learned to represent that there are numerous children who have symptoms that overlap diagnoses is comorbidity. Because we have a 504 meeting on Tuesday, I'm trying to read up on how to best advocate for my child. As far as I can tell, X-man doesn't fit into one particular diagnosis more than the others, and because the DSM-IV is changing in May, the one he might fit into best (the random one) is likely to be changing all together from being part of the spectrum to being a communication disorder. And the books are all pretty repetitive in their frustration about how subjective nailing a diagnosis can be for a child with symptoms that work with multiple diagnoses.
Let X-man be X-man has always been my philosophy. It usually works out best. But sometimes in a classroom of 24 people X-man can't be X-man, or at least he doesn't feel like it's okay that he's him.
I talked in an earlier post about a friend who said the key to socialization success in school for her child with Aspberger's was to be quirky rather than weird. As it turns out my favorite book in the heap that I have is called, "Quirky Kids: Understanding and Helping Your Child Who Doesn't Fit In -- When to Worry and When Not to Worry" by Perri Klass, M.D. and Eileen Costello, M.D. It pretty much covers everything and gives a lot of consideration to kids with overlapping symptoms. "Note the way that quirky children, in their rich variety, have made it necessary to create certain categories that are defined by NOT fitting into any categories" (i.e. PDD-NOS). It was also interesting to note that "Virtually all these children have trouble making friends, their behavior is just strange enough to make other kids uncomfortable or scared. The inability to see another's point of view, the anxiety, the tendency to have rigid expectations of others, and the lack of flexibility combine to make this child more alone in the important social world of childhood."
It even hits on the difficulties at home and in the parenting community, "For parents of quirky children, these parenthood realities are particularly intense and charged. Life at home can sometimes feel like an hour-by-hour struggle. It doesn't help much to have well-meaning friends assure you that, of course, they understand..."
So, as I waded through all the PDD stuff, I requested a lot more books on different subjects that they didn't cover very thoroughly like the children with intense emotions. And I found an awesome article on dual diagnosis of being gifted with learning disabilities from SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted). The Internal Factors and Dual Diagnosis headings are fascinating because they not only cover gifted children often having high verbal skills but most of them having poor writing skills and about how schools often don't allow children who are classified as learning disabled to be gifted and vice versa, even though it is entirely possible to be both. Gifted children have tremendous emotional frustration from having minds that can create wonderful stories and understand complicated concepts, but brains that can't seem to get them down on paper.
Then there was an "Ah HA!"
"Along with intensity, one typically finds in gifted individuals an extreme sensitivity-to emotions, sounds, touch, taste, etc. These children may burst into tears while watching a sad event on the evening news, keenly hear fluorescent lights, react strongly to smells, insist on having the tags removed from their shirts, must touch everything, or are overly reactive to touch in a tactile-defensive manner."
This is what we have been going through lately. (Table 1 in the article is also pretty informative regarding strengths and weaknesses).
I am not a doctor. I have never played one on TV. I'm not a social worker or a therapist or pathologist. I'm just a Mom who is trying to figure out how to help her son be successful in a mainstream school environment and how to learn to appreciate his strengths and his weaknesses and to recognize self-acceptance. Do I think my child has PDD-NOS? I don't know. Do I think he's gifted? I don't know. Do I think he's got some sort of Asperger's? I don't know. But I do know that the emotional issues he has are symptoms from all three diagnoses.
I also know that he is a kind, smart, sweet kid, who, when he throws a fit isn't try to be a spoiled brat -- he's trying to rid his brain of the overwhelming feelings he has of fear, shame, frustration, anger, neglect, etc. He has not developed enough to have the ability to calm himself, to focus. Or as stated in Quirky Kid, "Quirky children have tantrums that don't go away if you ignore them, that don't lend themselves to limit-setting and time-outs... Parents don't create the rage in their quirky kids. Tantrums, in most quirky kids, are a combination of their developmental differences, their sensory problems, and their peculiar emotional wiring. You can help your child progress developmentally, filter and accommodate the sensory stimuli, and handle the emotional impulses, but you must do it without laying blame, either on him or yourself."
This is what I've learned so far. I'm going to continue researching emotional intensity and see what how much all of this helps when we go in for our 504 meeting on Tuesday.
On a side note, X-man went to the Sloppy Science program tonight at the Phillips Recreation Center in Urbana. As we're walking in, he tells me he's scared. Then he says, quite matter-of-factly, "Not scared, nervous. Nervous because this is new. I've never been here."
I reassured him that the program was just 90 minutes long, and that it looks like it's the first time they'd had it. If he likes it and they do it again, he could sign up. If he didn't like it, well, then he gave something new a try in the name of his love for science. When we walked in they had some slime on the tables. Another boy came in with his Mom, and he was nervous about staying, too. The boys introduced themselves. He was in first grade at Southside. And then they were both okay with the parents leaving because they could bond with each other.
When I came back, X-man was at a table with three other boys. There was a table of five or six girls to the left, and a table with a boy and a girl together in the back. He told me the different experiments that they did. He said he enjoyed his time there, and he totally dug checking out the dancers that were practicing in a different room on our way out. He was a different kid from the flailing crying mess I picked up from school three times this week. The difference being, I think, the couple hours at home where he just got to chill out and decompress and have some time not stimulated in a busy classroom environment. It also helped that tonight there were 12 kids to 3 adults at the Science event. It meant there could be a lot of one-on-one attention, which X-man thrives on.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Thankful for Things that Work
At MMO, we talk about giving thanks every November. Sometimes it's just teaching the words thank you, sometimes it's about taking note and recognizing what you have. The trick is that this isn't just a unit that gets taught for three weeks and then goes away. It's something that we try to thread into our classrooms through good modeling. The children learn by watching us mind our manners and recognize what is good in our lives.
Life's been kind of messy lately, but I've been finding that people are happy to help when you ask for it. Sometimes they just show up and help when you don't expect it. It's been nice. I've spent more time with my mother and father than I have in 20 years. I was able to count on people I met through the library, through Rotary and in our neighborhood to help with X-man or with driving. It's meant a lot to me, and I don't know if I could say thank you enough for their support when I needed them.
But the things I'm most thankful for are the positive interactions I have with people about my son. I get that a lot of kids don't understand my child. They think he's weird. He has trouble reading social cues. He goes back and forth between being very extroverted and excitable to introverted and nervous. It's one or the other. And I understand that his social issues are the reasons why a children don't really like to play with him. How do you play with someone who freaks out and cries a lot over what seems to be -- nothing but a transition or a change in plans? It also doesn't help when he's sad and people are casting disapproving looks in the hallway. Yeah, I see them. So does my kid. Please keep your "What's wrong with your kid, now?" attitude to yourself.
The other day we were playing at the playground after school and X-man was trying to figure out how to play with a bigger boy. The kid clearly didn't want X-man around, and he understood that. So, he asked point blank, "What can I do so you'll want to play with me?" The older boy looked at him like he was diseased. Then he walked away without answering. I saw X-man furrow his brow in a panic. Then he sucked his panic back down and did what every adult had ever told him to do -- rather than tattle, he tried to take care of it on his own. And so he ignored the social cue the boy was giving by walking away and followed him trying to reason with him. "Why are you walking away? Why don't you talk to me so we can figure out how to play together?" He followed that kid for around 40 seconds before the kid ran away to get away from him. And X-man thought he was initiating a game of tag. Sigh.
Ignoring those social cues and not being able to see others' points of view is part of X-man's anxiety issues. He gets that he's missing something. That he's different. He'd rather play by himself or with one other child than negotiate small group interaction, and I'm not the only one who has noticed. It's what he works on with his behavioral therapist, April Keaton. But social skill ability takes a lot of time and practice to sink in.
The difference between this year and last year is that this year, instead of falling apart when he's ostracized, he's self-banishing himself to the security of individual play. Playing by himself is easier. Apparently, it happens at recess from time to time. He avoids small group interaction like the plague because he doesn't know how to navigate it. He requests one-on-one play dates. His assistant principal thinks he's so exhausted by the end of the day just trying to negotiate himself in a classroom with 24 other kids and that's why from time to time on the walk home, he just has to sit -- and stare or cry.
So, we've been working with this issue for a year. Then we added X-man's challenges with writing and handwriting and some sensory issues (hooray for seamless socks!), so MacTroll and I scheduled a meeting with the administrators at his school last week. We met with them and talked about what we'd been working on, what they'd seen in school, what the teachers told us and the administration, and we all agreed to start X-man on a 504 plan. Next Tuesday, we'll all be sitting down together to make sure he gets services at school as well as out of school. A 504 plan also means that we can take it with us when we move, and his new school in California will honor it while they perform their own evaluation to see if anything needs to be updated or changed when he's there. In other words, he won't just start from scratch. Everyone seems to be in agreement that they think he just needs some intervention and some accommodation and instruction. And I trust his teachers and his principals, a lot.
This weekend, we read the book "The Art of Ms. Chew" by Patricia Polacco from the library. It's about a girl who has trouble reading, but is wonderful at art. Between her school teacher and her art teacher they figure out that when she sees letters, she focuses on the negative space around the letter before she sees the letter and can figure out the sound. It takes her longer to write and read and think about language. Together, they make the accommodation for her to have more time on tests and assignments and her grades start to respond. But then her teacher has to go away for few weeks, and a substitute comes in who will not accommodate her special needs. She even threatens to have her art classes taken away so she can focus more on her reading issues. She meets with a reading specialist, her principal and her parents, and the sub and the art teacher get in an argument. It's at this point that X-man starts to tear up. "They need to fire that sub!" When the teacher returns from his trip, everything is put back together for the child. But it was a good way to introduce what his parents would be working on with his teachers and administrators and that extra help is a normal thing and that he has teachers that are AMAZING.
He gets that he's different. And as a parent, I understand that if your child says he or she doesn't want to play with a child, you're not about to make him or her do something he or she doesn't want to. But it also makes me sad, and a bit angry, to be honest, that more parents aren't willingly to talk about how sometimes differences aren't just a matter of opinion or bad parenting. That if you look carefully, everyone is a little weird and everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and if you want others to accept yours, than you need to work on accepting theirs. There are other options besides avoidance. There's empathy and compassion and being truthful. In early education, children are much more forgiving than in elementary school. I wish that that would continue to big kid grades.
I have a friend who has a son with Aspergers. She told me the goal in regards to social integration success in elementary school is to somehow move from "weird" to "quirky." "Quirky is kind of cool."
So that's what we're working on. "Quirky."
But I do have to say that it melted my heart the other day when I offered to do something small for Mr. Scott and as he's about to walk away he turns and says to me, "You guys can't move. We'll miss you."
And he said it in that soft toned, sad kind of way, like he didn't want to think about it too hard. Because you know how I wrote earlier in the post that the best kind of help is the kind from people who love your kid? It's also nice when it's directed at your family. In a million years, I didn't expect him to ever say that to me, and I guess I needed to hear that someone will miss us. I didn't think I did. But I do. Recognition that we were here for 10 years, and that we did some kind things that people appreciated, and that we shared part of our lives with people and helped improve the community.
Mr. Scott understands my kid, and he knows X-man's got an ambitious educational future ahead of him and wants to help him succeed.
And for all of this, I have been very grateful lately. I just wanted to share.
Life's been kind of messy lately, but I've been finding that people are happy to help when you ask for it. Sometimes they just show up and help when you don't expect it. It's been nice. I've spent more time with my mother and father than I have in 20 years. I was able to count on people I met through the library, through Rotary and in our neighborhood to help with X-man or with driving. It's meant a lot to me, and I don't know if I could say thank you enough for their support when I needed them.
But the things I'm most thankful for are the positive interactions I have with people about my son. I get that a lot of kids don't understand my child. They think he's weird. He has trouble reading social cues. He goes back and forth between being very extroverted and excitable to introverted and nervous. It's one or the other. And I understand that his social issues are the reasons why a children don't really like to play with him. How do you play with someone who freaks out and cries a lot over what seems to be -- nothing but a transition or a change in plans? It also doesn't help when he's sad and people are casting disapproving looks in the hallway. Yeah, I see them. So does my kid. Please keep your "What's wrong with your kid, now?" attitude to yourself.
The other day we were playing at the playground after school and X-man was trying to figure out how to play with a bigger boy. The kid clearly didn't want X-man around, and he understood that. So, he asked point blank, "What can I do so you'll want to play with me?" The older boy looked at him like he was diseased. Then he walked away without answering. I saw X-man furrow his brow in a panic. Then he sucked his panic back down and did what every adult had ever told him to do -- rather than tattle, he tried to take care of it on his own. And so he ignored the social cue the boy was giving by walking away and followed him trying to reason with him. "Why are you walking away? Why don't you talk to me so we can figure out how to play together?" He followed that kid for around 40 seconds before the kid ran away to get away from him. And X-man thought he was initiating a game of tag. Sigh.
Ignoring those social cues and not being able to see others' points of view is part of X-man's anxiety issues. He gets that he's missing something. That he's different. He'd rather play by himself or with one other child than negotiate small group interaction, and I'm not the only one who has noticed. It's what he works on with his behavioral therapist, April Keaton. But social skill ability takes a lot of time and practice to sink in.
The difference between this year and last year is that this year, instead of falling apart when he's ostracized, he's self-banishing himself to the security of individual play. Playing by himself is easier. Apparently, it happens at recess from time to time. He avoids small group interaction like the plague because he doesn't know how to navigate it. He requests one-on-one play dates. His assistant principal thinks he's so exhausted by the end of the day just trying to negotiate himself in a classroom with 24 other kids and that's why from time to time on the walk home, he just has to sit -- and stare or cry.
So, we've been working with this issue for a year. Then we added X-man's challenges with writing and handwriting and some sensory issues (hooray for seamless socks!), so MacTroll and I scheduled a meeting with the administrators at his school last week. We met with them and talked about what we'd been working on, what they'd seen in school, what the teachers told us and the administration, and we all agreed to start X-man on a 504 plan. Next Tuesday, we'll all be sitting down together to make sure he gets services at school as well as out of school. A 504 plan also means that we can take it with us when we move, and his new school in California will honor it while they perform their own evaluation to see if anything needs to be updated or changed when he's there. In other words, he won't just start from scratch. Everyone seems to be in agreement that they think he just needs some intervention and some accommodation and instruction. And I trust his teachers and his principals, a lot.
This weekend, we read the book "The Art of Ms. Chew" by Patricia Polacco from the library. It's about a girl who has trouble reading, but is wonderful at art. Between her school teacher and her art teacher they figure out that when she sees letters, she focuses on the negative space around the letter before she sees the letter and can figure out the sound. It takes her longer to write and read and think about language. Together, they make the accommodation for her to have more time on tests and assignments and her grades start to respond. But then her teacher has to go away for few weeks, and a substitute comes in who will not accommodate her special needs. She even threatens to have her art classes taken away so she can focus more on her reading issues. She meets with a reading specialist, her principal and her parents, and the sub and the art teacher get in an argument. It's at this point that X-man starts to tear up. "They need to fire that sub!" When the teacher returns from his trip, everything is put back together for the child. But it was a good way to introduce what his parents would be working on with his teachers and administrators and that extra help is a normal thing and that he has teachers that are AMAZING.
He gets that he's different. And as a parent, I understand that if your child says he or she doesn't want to play with a child, you're not about to make him or her do something he or she doesn't want to. But it also makes me sad, and a bit angry, to be honest, that more parents aren't willingly to talk about how sometimes differences aren't just a matter of opinion or bad parenting. That if you look carefully, everyone is a little weird and everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and if you want others to accept yours, than you need to work on accepting theirs. There are other options besides avoidance. There's empathy and compassion and being truthful. In early education, children are much more forgiving than in elementary school. I wish that that would continue to big kid grades.
I have a friend who has a son with Aspergers. She told me the goal in regards to social integration success in elementary school is to somehow move from "weird" to "quirky." "Quirky is kind of cool."
So that's what we're working on. "Quirky."
But I do have to say that it melted my heart the other day when I offered to do something small for Mr. Scott and as he's about to walk away he turns and says to me, "You guys can't move. We'll miss you."
And he said it in that soft toned, sad kind of way, like he didn't want to think about it too hard. Because you know how I wrote earlier in the post that the best kind of help is the kind from people who love your kid? It's also nice when it's directed at your family. In a million years, I didn't expect him to ever say that to me, and I guess I needed to hear that someone will miss us. I didn't think I did. But I do. Recognition that we were here for 10 years, and that we did some kind things that people appreciated, and that we shared part of our lives with people and helped improve the community.
Mr. Scott understands my kid, and he knows X-man's got an ambitious educational future ahead of him and wants to help him succeed.
And for all of this, I have been very grateful lately. I just wanted to share.
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