Looseyfur's Midwest Adventures: calorie count

Showing posts with label calorie count. Show all posts

Sunday, April 10, 2011

In the Groove

Last month, I put up this post about managing my health a bit better. I'd been resisting paying attention to what and how much I'd been eating because I guess I was feeling a large amount of self pity and jealousy. For the last month, I've been slowly putting everything back together again. I started cooking 4-5 nights a week. I banned any store-bought snack badness from our house. Any desserts that do come into the house, I make by scratch from Cooking Light or Clean Eating Magazines. And I managed to keep myself from gorging on them by either throwing them away OR by handing them out to others.

This week, I started cutting out all the calories that had randomly creeped into my diet. I cook without my overdose of binging in the name of "tasting." That means when I make a warm chocolate pudding for the boys from CL I didn't take a taste of it when it was made. I didn't steal one chocolate chip. I avoided the trigger without expelling the food from the house. It's not that I wasn't tempted. It's not like I didn't think, "I can have one. It won't hurt"a few million times. But the follow up sentence in my mind was, "Yes, it will. You know it will. Have a tangerine."

So I ate a tangerine. And honestly, the last set of clementines I got kind of sucked, but these are perfect. I've also stopped grabbing extra food off of X-man's plate. Funny how I fought to get rid of that habit only to have it creep back up on me again.

I also have gone one week with only having one diet soda. This is a giant thing. I've switched over to either doing a protein shake or smoothie, low-calorie Crystal Light or just ice water.

I've been reading books on vegan and vegetarian lifestyles. I'm researching. But I haven't made any decisions, yet. The near-vegan approach is looking quite appealing, however.

My next step is to get rid of eating out. I'd fallen off the wagon and was doing it 2-3 times a week because of the convenience and my exhaustion. I need to prepare for my situation better, so I've been working on it. And I'm kind of proud of myself. X-man asked to eat at El Toro for lunch today. I sent the boys by themselves and stayed home.

I had been falling back into the gap of American food culture. Now I'm kind of climbing my way out of the hole again. The goal is to avoid the gap in the future by making choices that are best for my body and brain. I started to think that it wasn't fair that I couldn't eat what other people ate. I rebelled in giant ways. Now, after five days of monitoring and recording after weeks of preparing and making small changes, I feel like I'm back in charge of my body. This is a really nice feeling, but talk to me at the end of May and we'll see how I'm doing.

Of course, last night my husband took to watching Julia Child in bed on the iPad and is drooling at her recipes with 2 cups of sugar and heavy cream... :-) But I don't feel deprived, and he got double chocolate pudding for dessert last night, so he probably shouldn't feel deprived either.

As for tonight, I'm trying a veggie and chickpea curry in the slow cooker. We're headed out to the Rotary Family Day at the Savoy Recreation Center at 2 p.m. So, it'll be nice to have dinner pretty much ready to go when we get home around 4 p.m. (I just have to make the boys some rice.)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Excitement of Thanksgiving: Variety

Last year, I hosted a group of folks at my house for Thanksgiving. It was nice because I was recently "out of the box" with Weight Management, so I could figure out the calories and the contents of everything going into my mouth.

My plate looked like this:

This year, it's just the three of us. And I realized the problem with holidays isn't so much the content of the food as it is. The problem is that I want to try everything on the Buffet. I don't eat at Buffets a lot, but I gander that this is always the problem. You put a mess of appetizing food in front of people's faces and even if you just use a 1/4 cup scoop of everything, you've got a mess of calories on your plate.

Since it's just the three of us, I limited the menu, but added dessert, which has become a rarity in this house due to our inability to have just one scoop or one slice of something.

So, on the menu is Pork Tenderoin Agrodolce, Citrus Green Beans with Pine Nuts, Spinach Salad, reduced fat crescent rolls and a Chocolate Walnut Tart.

The total caloric value should be high, twice what a normal meal for us would be, at a bit over 700 calories due to the dessert. But I feel like we're eating well without stuffing ourselves full because our brains tell us to try the 20 different items at the buffet. We're also meeting the 2 vegetables/fruit at each meal requirement that I'm trying to pass at home. We're at the 75% mark. Sometimes, I just get lazy...

Here's a photo of tonight's dinner:

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday. We're heading out to see Tangled at 5:20 p.m. at the Savoy 16 today. X-man is totally looking forward to it.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Deep Thoughts for a Calorie Counter

So I've been counting calories every day for a few weeks. I even did it on travel. On Thursday, I started out doing it and then I just stopped. I suddenly hated doing it and hated myself for doing it.

I woke up this morning and was supposed to go to this lecture/practice session that a local doctor and social worker were holding on things you can do using your mind and body to combat depression. Since around the end of January through the first part of the warm season are always kind of hard for me (damn that seasonal distress crap), I thought I'd go.

I went. I stood in line. I saw people I knew from the community. I saw the acquaintance whose e-mail list I was on. And then two people back from the registration table in the line -- I freaked out and I left.

Instead, I went to the Dollar Store. I bought table clothes and plates and silverware and cups for the CARE holiday party. I bought X-man new potty rewards. And I sat in my car with my mylar balloons (to tie to my stroller so my friends can find me at the holiday parade tonight) thinking about myself and why I left, and what it was that sounded so good to make me want to go to the seminar that then, in the face of it, made me bail like the building was on fire.

I am extraordinarily self aware. And I know things in my head for a long time before I'll say anything about them and even longer before I'll act on them. Rogers is really knowledgeable about this part of me. I keep stuff to myself for a long, long, long time and then one day, I pick the right person and I let it out.

And there are words I've been saying to myself for months. But I'm fighting the change that will come as I accept that truth and actually move forward to change my behavior.

I have a figurative best friend that I lean on. She's there when I hurt. She's there when I'm bored. She's there when I'm happy. Everyone else has this friend too, but they somehow don't seem to consume as much time with her as I do... and even if they do -- their bodies seem to process her much, much better than mine does.

And I have to break up with this figurative friend. I have to rid myself of her the way you would a bad boyfriend or girlfriend. I have to realize she is not the constant in my life -- I am. But the hard part is that I have to see her several times a day. She's everywhere. But I have to look at her as if she's dangerous. I have to stare her down. And worse, even though I love her, I can't have her. But I also can't torture myself by measuring how much of her I consume in numbers and feeling guilty and shameful about it.

It turns out that counting of the calories is just as dangerous as counting of the WW points. I start to get more upset about the injustice that I'm made differently from other people rather than using my achievements as a way to reward myself for trying to take a step toward self-care. The truth is I know better. So rather than whining I just need to do it. End it. Let her go and hope that down the line, our break up pain goes away and it can turn into something more positive.

All I can do is write down my experiences with her in a list and try to fall in love with a new friend. I've already met him. He's much more demanding. He wants more of my time, and he works me into a frenzied sweat every time we're together. He levels out my moods just as well as she did, but my body feels awkward around him. His people are all lean and hardcore. I'm timid and soft. It's like I don't quite know if we go together or not. I enjoy his company, but it's just all so new.

Literal translation: I have to exchange my attachment to food for an attachment to exercise.

I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do this. I don't do well in group meetings. There's this huge part of me that wants to stand up and scream that it's not fair that I have this issue while plenty of regular-sized people can eat what they want, work out the same amount (or less than) I do and never have to worry about looking like I do.

So I've stopped the calorie count. I'm going to list my food at looseyeats.blogspot.com. But you're going to notice that the exercise there will start to be way more diverse. I'm going to have to kick my metabolism's butt for a while... while avoiding social situations with food and alcohol. That's not at all an easy thing to do during the holiday season, so I'm sticking with the mantra of everything in moderation...

But like most addictions, I'm expecting a long, ugly fight of withdrawal. So, if you see me out and about. Do me a favor. Don't be my dealer.

If you see me at an event with food and I pick up more than one brownie. Tell me to put it down. I don't care if I get mad. I don't care if I shout. Tell me, "For the love of your body, put the damn thing down."

And forgive me if I'm a complete crab. It'll get better -- in six weeks. And the three ways I've chosen to begin are this: No fast food. No alcohol. 60 minutes of exercise five days of the week.

Who was it that said -- If you don't take care of your body, where will you live?