Learning about "The Bird"

Today I went into X-man's school because today was the day that all the March birthdays celebrated. I made some cantaloupe and strawberry kabobs that the kids wolfed down, and another parent brought some peanut-free mini cupcakes and some juice and the kids enjoyed their snack. In the middle of it, X-man walks up to me, all somber and says. "There was a bad thing today. That table and that table and that table all laughed at me."

When my child was an infant, he spent the first eight months of his life clenching his fists, except he inserted his thumb in-between his ring and middle fingers. I don't know why. He just did. And since he's been able to use his fingers to count, he routinely uses his middle finger to point at things.

Apparently, I'm behind in teaching my child the social customs of using the finger that also flies the bird at people. Because he used it today to point out something and someone noticed, and he said that the other kids went NUTS over it. He was embarrassed and insisted that he used his pointer finger, but I'm sure he didn't. But he also did not know that using your middle finger was "bad" until the moment 10-12 kids were publicly shaming him for doing what came naturally to him.

He said his teacher was appropriately angered at the children for picking on him and doled out the check marks and held the discussion about teasing and what not. But it still made him very sad.

Now I'm curious to see if the public shaming changes how he points, after using that finger for six years.

X-man also saw his doctor for his six-year check up today. For the first time, he went alone with MacTroll while I had a make up Parent-teacher conference. He is just under 3'11" and at and even 50 lbs, which puts him in the 72nd percentile for height and weight. His blood pressure was 86/49 (sweet! He's like his mother). She was happy that he was seeing someone for his anxiety and that he's eating a rainbow and in a normal BMI range. She asked him what he wears when he rides his bike. He said, "My helmet and my pads." She was very pleased with his thorough responses for himself. So hooray.

After school, we went to Hassle Park and played with my aunt and uncle.

In other news, I'm heading up to Chicago tomorrow to spend the night with Womenthatrolls. I'm hoping to get a pedicure and find a few cute "non-race shirt" tops to wear.

Ups and Downs

Well, we caught a day or two of "ups" around here. No one had to go to the hospital. All of our pets are still alive. And X-man hasn't gotten a letter home from school since Tuesday. Yes, I know this is tempting fate, but I'm going to call good days -- good days -- and acknowledge that they exist. I'm not, repeat, not saying it's the end of the ugliness. It's just -- nice to have a break from it.

Yesterday, X-man got in the car for tennis lessons and told me it was a good day because he only got one check at school. I told him I didn't want the check number to determine what he thought was a good day. I wanted how he felt about learning that day to decide if it was a good day or not. He thought about it and said, "It was a good day because I earned two Starbursts. One for the practice fire drill and one for the actual fire drill."

I didn't have the heart to tell him the word "drill" meant "practice." So that he had to practice for the practice...

The hardest part about kindergarten for all of us appears to be the lack of "inquiry-based learning" that our house is used to. We're active learners. We listen, we engage, we practice, we explore and we make mistakes and learn from them. There's no memorization. There's rarely sitting still. There's a lot of focus on learning what we're interested in... which always leads to something else and something else. I'm used to curriculums that are molded to the students rather than molding students to the curriculum.

In some ways, I'm afraid the static curriculum might suck the joy of learning out of my child. On the other hand, what he gets from school is so much greater than the actual academic learning. So, for now, I'm figuring out ways to supplement that learning and working to keep my child engaged by answering his questions and creating family time around his curiosities (as well as showing him some of our curiosities).

Today, X-man got off the bus and told MacTroll that he won a handwriting contest, ran three times around the playground (they have an exercise challenge at school) and thought that his teacher was funny (as in ha ha). He couldn't really replicate what he thought was entertaining, but he was really happy. We gave him giant high fives for his hard work at school and acknowledged the effort he's been putting forth. Unfortunately, the sock destruction still occurs, but he's not disintegrating the whole sock any more.

A Call From the Assistant Principal and a Sickly Cat

I came home from work today to find MacTroll on the phone. This is not an unusual thing. I popped my lunch in the microwave, poured myself a diet coke and sat down at the computer. Then I heard, "Yes, they're observing if this is regular five-year-old boy behavior or if it's something else."

Shit. Really?

Turns out there was a sub at school today. The assignment the class was working on was to cut out lower case letters and match them to uppercase letters. X-man did a few and then started cutting his clothing with the scissors.

And he got sent to the assistant principal's office for it.

Where he fell apart in tears.

When she told him she wasn't angry but wanted to know why he was cutting his clothes, he said he didn't know.

She had him do the assignment in front of her. And he finished it in less than a minute.

I heard MacTroll explain that we don't make excuses for his behavior. He should not be cutting his clothes, but he's really bored, and he needs a better outlet for those slow times. When I talked to the principal later, he noted that the inattention came in the middle of the project not after it was done. Again, is it because he was inattentive or because it was a boring project? So we're working on him finishing his projects and asking for something else to do so he stops destroying his wardrobe.

So back the ball goes.

On another court, Nyssa, our cat with the paralyzed tail was back at the vet yesterday with a UTI and low potassium. Unfortunately, the drug she's supposed to take for the UTI requires her to eat something, and she won't. So we're calling to see about force feeding.

But we found her sleeping on the floor of the first floor bathroom today. That's not a normal place for her to go. It's also where Riley went the night before I had to call Dr. Mary to the house to euthanize him at the end of his battle with cancer.

So, this week is just getting worse.

Hooray for X-man

Well, in my sea of randomness, one gold star came out of today. X-man got off the bus and said, "Mom -- I had a no checks day!"

He did completely tear apart his left sock, but I guess it's way better to ruin socks than to not be able to keep his hands off his friends or backtalk to his teachers, right?

He got his Legos back and went to a playdate/birthday party tonight.

I'm so proud of him for working so hard this week. I talked to his principal on Monday. They've done three observations of him so far. X-man also showed him his socks (which at the end of the day had disintegrated to nothing and he said the two checks he got were for picking his socks rather than paying attention). He started to cry when he showed them to Mr. Scott, but Mr. Scott reassured him that he wasn't angry at him for having sock picking issues... but that maybe I would be because I'm the one having to buy new ones.

They've had different people do the observations, so we'll see what they come back with. They weren't definitive yet.

Right now he's keeping his fingers crossed that Mrs. Burt, the music teacher, holds her after school dance club on Mondays and allows kindergarteners to go... He totally loves music class.

It was a Bobcat Kind of Day

MacTroll and I made it to Carrie Busey today for their Pep Rally. They were celebrating raising over $8,500 for the Parent Teacher Association, so the whole school went out to sit on the playground and watch the teachers duct tape their principal to the wall before 11 kids got to throw whipped cream pies at him. Then after that, the music teacher and the P.E. teacher were in a trivia contest, except if they got the answer wrong older students and teachers poured food products like baked beans and pancake batter over their heads.

It was a cold day, and there are no showers in the elementary school. So the two women had to get sprayed down with the hose afterwards. There were also some student athletes from the University of Illinois who talked about eating healthy.

X-man got to be one of the pie throwers, which he was really excited about.

Deciphering X-man

X-man got in a heap of trouble on Tuesday when he came home with his second note from his teacher regarding his behavior. We'd had a heart-to-haert after the first note, and he promised he would improve his behavior. Specifically, he's having issues listening, talking back, keeping his hands to himself and being respectful.

Since this was the second note, I took him to the couch and I sat down with him. I had my note pad and pen in hand. This was gonna be tough, but I wrote out the four problem areas, and then I wrote down the consequences for getting in trouble for them.

For a note about not listening: He loses Legos for a week.
For a note about talking back: He loses computer/television for a week.
For a note about hitting or touching other people inappropriately: He loses playdates for a week.
For a note about not respecting his teacher or any other adult: He goes straight to his room after school. He eats there by himself.

Since the note he got on Tuesday said he'd done all four things... he threw a fit. It was expected. We were supposed to have a playdate with Lighting McColin that night, and it got revoked. In response, he went to the garage and tried to drive there himself. (I had the keys in the kitchen... no worries.) While he was flipping his lid in my garage. I was upstairs packing up the Legos and locking them in the guest room.

Once he calmed down and went to his room, he kept coming out to try and talk to me. I explained that not being able to talk to me was part of the consequences. He looked sad and said, "Mommy, I don't want to have to stay in my room again."

Well, good. Let's hope you figure out the cause and effect then.

But at the same time, in my brain, I keep repeating all the times he can't sit still. The month he was pulling apart his socks during nap time at school because he w s bored on his cot last April in pre-school. The habit ended when it became sandal season and socks were unnecessary. But he's pulled apart two pairs of socks just this week.

So, as a clueless parent looking for help... I e-mailed the school psychologist. He's offered to do some observations and talk with X-man's teacher. And I'm grateful.

Regardless if my child is bored or inattentive or hyperactive or whatever -- I'm feeling that phantom umbilical cord. Maybe you know what I'm talking about. The one that totally exists no matter how old your child gets. The one that says, "Is this where I let my kid stand on his own?" or "Is there something here besides him making bad decisions? Maybe he needs something more than I can decipher on my own? How can I best help him while trying to help him be independent?"

Regardless, when my child gets in trouble at school, it feels like a personal reflection on my parenting skill. I know he's his own person and he makes his own decisions. But at the same time, when it comes to not being kind -- that worries me. What could I do differently? Better?

I'm not by nature a helicopter parent. I don't baby my kid. But I do, on occasion, spoil him.

It hurt. Those self thoughts that I had about my parenting skills. And I wonder, if this continues on throughout his school career, if I will feel forever defined by my role as his mother. His failures aren't supposed to be my failures, and yet, it feels that they are. And better yet, how do I make sure that even though I feel that way...that he never does?

I Scream, You Scream... We All Scream for -- Literacy

This summer, X-man started to learn how to read. He's got all the words used in pretty much every Dick and Jane book down pat. And they are a sea of sight words. It's all good, until I show him them out of the Dick and Jane context and then he's like, "I don't know."

Dude, watch. I highlight three words from the sight word list that his kindergarten teacher gave us at the Parent Teacher conference and put them in a sentence using Dick and Jane... He reads them. "Oooohhhh!" He says. "Why do they look different when they're by themselves?"

In a context he appears to be great. And really, it's lovely that he has reading comprehension, that is he can totally understand what he's reading and building. And sometimes, when he's tired, he substitutes synonyms for the words he's reading because he understands what's going on in a story.

In response, I went on the hunt for non-Dick and Jane books to insert in our evening reading. Some nights he's killer and other nights he's so tired, he just stares at the letter "a" in a sentence and repeats, "said" over and over again. I ask, "What's that letter?" He snaps to attention. "A." "Oooohhhhh."

Seriously, Dude, I think we need to read earlier in the day. "Noooooo!"

Anyway, each night X-man brings home a folder from his teacher. Tonight was a "sample" homework night. It really wasn't homework. It was a half sheet of paper where I had to have a conversation with X-man about what he enjoyed about school that day. Since we have that conversation over dinner or after-school snack pretty much every day, it was not out of the ordinary. But I did have to sign my initials that we did it and have him take it back tomorrow. We'll see what he brings home tomorrow for homework.

In addition, he's been getting a lot of reading based fliers lately. One is a reading incentive program through Fazoli's. If he reads 5 books on his own, we write down the titles and turn them into his teacher to sign off on and then she gives him his certificate to take into Fazoli's for a free kid's meal. The catch, of course, is that it has to be with purchase of an adult entree. But since he'd never go by himself, I guess that makes sense. And, as it turns out, Lightning McColin is a fan Fazoli's so we'll be making that dinner playdate soon. :-) Today, he got another coupon for another restaurant -- Texas Roadhouse. But this one, he only had to write down his favorite book and color a sheet and turn it in for his free meal with the purchase of an adult entree. We don't really eat at Texas Roadhouse. I think I had it once in Manassas, Va. But he thought maybe, since they had steaks his Dad could take him there for lunch next week when they have early dismissal on Sept. 9th.

I thought that was a pretty marvelous idea.

In addition to the coupon, we also got a reading log to fill out. I'm not sure if it's just supposed to be books that X-man reads or if it should include books I read to him. The form has "type of reading" so I've just devised "X-man reads to Mom" and "Mom reads to X-man." I figure MacTroll can write in his own name, but since he's not here this week, it works. :-) He gets the form on Mondays and we have to return it on Fridays. It lists all the items we read and when.

X-man also had his first trip to visit Ms. Cahill in the library today. He checked out a book that he looked over on the bus. When he got home, I asked him if he wanted me to read it to him. He said, "I think it's too scary from the pictures." And I have to agree, the illustrations are rather creepy, but I'll read the story tonight and see if he'll be okay. Instead, I handed him his new Lego Club Jr. magazine, and he and I read that and went through the puzzles. Then he insisted on filling out the survey about the redesign of the magazine and putting it in the mailbox, just in case he was one of the three children returning it that might win $50 to the Lego store. He's got his eye on some Ninjago sets...

I am scheduled to shelve books at the Carrie Busey school library from 1-dismissal on Mondays starting on Sept. 19th. I'll be in there when X-man's class has library time. I'm curious to see how that will go.

But I was also surprised when Ms. Cahill remembered my name from the Books by the Bushel event last year. It's where librarians and teachers give the Junior League a wish list of books they'd like for their school and people go into Barnes and Noble and purchase the books as donations and get to dedicate their purchases to people.

Tomorrow, I'll be at the Tolono Public Library twice. Once to drop off the book drop books, and once to take X-man to the "Paws to Read" program from 4-5 p.m. He's going to sit down with a dog and read the dog a book. I saved a Dick and Jane for this one, just so he doesn't get nervous. He also usually has me hold the book and move my finger to the words, so we'll have to see if he's ready to do it on his own.

As it turns out, in my own classroom nothing brought my students together more than a teacher sitting on the floor with a book in her hands. They all sat so nicely as Ms. Rachel and I shared stories with them. My favorite part of the day, though, was when we were reading the "You are Brave" book and we got to the part where it talks about how children are brave when they are able to hold insects gently and I busted out my plastic insect collection and handed the insects out. The kids all put them in the palms of their hands like the illustration showed and cooed at them as if they were babies. It was adorable. Then when I finished the book. I got them out magnifying glasses and they all sat around this little bin of bugs and examined all the different kinds.

At that point, of course, a parent showed up, and her child ran up to her beaming with two insects in his hands. It made me smile. Just wait until I can find them some real bugs. :-)

I'm a Big Kid Now!

X-man started kindergarten today. He had trouble falling asleep the night before because he was so wound up about it. I ended up lying down with him to get him calmed down enough to fall asleep. I hadn't done that since he was 3.

This morning he was so amped and ready to go, he didn't want to eat breakfast. I made him eat his veggie sausage and a few bites of pancake. But because he didn't eat, we were leaving for school too early. So, we ran errands before school. We picked up the books from the two Tolono Public Library book drops in Savoy, then we dropped off the dry cleaning. Then we got to go to the drop off at school. We pulled up, and X-man unbuckled his seat belt, threw on his back pack and jumped out of the car. As we drove around, I peeked over at him standing near his teachers. He was just fine hanging out.

I went to work, and it was much easier to work on my classroom without having him underfoot. Then I ran a bunch of errands and came home to have 45 minutes to myself to get into dry clothes (Hooray that it finally rained) and wait for his bus. I heard it before I saw it. I waved at the driver and she stopped and out came my little man. He was smiling from ear to ear with a school bus with his name and stop pinned to his shirt, but since it was kind of raining we bypassed the hug. He walked with me, holding my hand,  under the umbrella up to the house, where he was greeted with a cookie from Sweet Indulgence. He told me he made a friend in his class who also rides his bus. It's a boy and he likes "banks." (Curious!) He said he gets off in Prairie Fields, so I'm hoping this means he has a bus buddy.

He said the only weird part of his day was the bus because there were a lot of older kids who were very loud. He didn't appreciate that very much. But he said he liked seeing his friends who were in other classrooms.

When I opened his lunch box, I found that he'd eaten almost half of a sandwich, most of the Veggie straws and the two Starbursts I'd put in there. He said he didn't like the carrot sticks, he only likes baby carrots and that he was excited that he got free chocolate milk (even though he had a juice pouch in his lunch).  I explained that the milk wasn't free. But I also loaded up his lunch money account the other day, so I figure--whatever. He was clearly thirsty because he drank both the milk carton and the Capri Sun. He said he needed help opening the milk, but he got the juice pouch okay.

He said he learned that when Ms. Dramado's hand goes up you have to be quiet and raise your hand, too. And that when the stop sign goes up, you have to stop what you're doing and pay attention to the directions. Maybe I need to get a stop sign on a stick and a "quiet, please" sign for at home.

He said he was happy to go back on Thursday, and he hopes that he'll have science and P.E. on that day, because those are the two things he really wants to do in school and he was sad that he didn't get to do them today. But he was glad that he "finally!" got to play in housekeeping. (He's only wanted access to that kitchen since we toured last winter.)

After snack, and a little TV, I took him to the Rec Zone at the Savoy Recreation Center. I don't know if it was the weather or if the program isn't very popular, but we were the only ones there. It's a drop in, which I like because there's no commitment. He ended up playing tennis racket baseball with his own personal staff member, while I went and worked out.

All in hall, it was a pretty quiet and productive day. I'd like to thank MacTroll for taking Lily to the dog park and running the sillies out of her this afternoon before he flew off to California. He also mowed the front weeds for me before it rained and scooped the cat boxes. That was very much appreciated.

Wanted: Not-So-Evil Twin Who Can Teleport or... has a Tardis

I made a comment the other day on Facebook that everything in the world is somehow being planned for October. The truth is that I'm finding September to have similar issues. I have to choose where I'm going and when. The good news is that all of it, so far, is really good stuff.

In the same Facebook comment, I complained that I hadn't figured out teleportation yet. It was also funny that I was told just a few hours later by my husband, "You may have to let some things go."

I laughed... and then 10 minutes later he made a crack about cloning me. So, I think he might start to realize that if I let things go -- he's probably going to have to pick them up.

For example, this involvement thing. Now that I'm teaching, I have my own school items I need to get to. That means, if MacTroll's home, he's going to have to pick up the X-man things. September 20th is the first day of double booking. We have the MMO Open House at the same time as the Carrie Busey PTA meeting. I've already decided I won't be a member of PTA, but MacTroll said he'd be willing to go to the meetings and events when he was in town.

Another example is being a classroom helper or helping with after school clubs. I'm working for most of X-man's school day, and I'm holding the 2 hours I have between getting off work and him getting off the bus at 3 p.m. sacred. So, I basically said I could sign up and do snacks. They gave us a list of appropriate snacks in our packet (our school is a CATCH school), and well, you know me. I can do healthy just as good as I can do unhealthy.

Other than that, we had the kindergarten ice cream social tonight. X-man was very shy about meeting his teacher. But once he got in the classroom and sat on the carpet, he was a champ. He really liked Ms. Dramado's giant bins of blocks and her bin of Legos. We go back to see her tomorrow morning for a short conference and are taking all of X-man's school supplies and extra items to drop of, so his back pack will be empty except for his lunch on Tuesday for his first day.

P.S. If you answer my want ad and have a tardis, can you please bring David Tennant along?

Kindergarten Clean Up

Last Friday, I took X-man to his future kindergarten school at Carrie Busey Elementary. They held free breakfast there for all children under age 18 from mid-June to mid-July. Quigs had mentioned that another parent had taken her son there to see what it was like to eat in the cafeteria at school. And I have to admit, it was a really great idea. They served breakfast and lunch, but we were busy at lunch... so 8 a.m. breakfast it was. And you should have seen X-man's blue eyes get as wide as saucers when he realized he was going to get freaking Trix and animal crackers and orange juice for breakfast. I had to help him carry the two packages, the milk and the juice container to the table because there weren't any trays.

But we sat down with the summer school students who were namely there in the continuing special education program, and I showed X-man how to open his milk carton, peel open his cereal and how to open his juice just enough so it wouldn't spill. He managed to open the animal crackers all by himself. I am suddenly realizing how challenged he is with food packaging. He's fine with pull-apart string cheese, but I'll have to practice the milk cartons with him over the next few weeks.

After breakfast, we walked down to the kindergarten wing and peeked in the classrooms. They were busy waxing the floors and getting the building ready for the fall. We walked down to the opposite hall, exited by the parking lot and then walked around to the playground.

The equipment is a combination of 1998 new and 1960 new. That is there are a number of metal climbers in the area with monkey bars and such. We found out that last week some jackass had decided to set fire to one of the plastic crawl through tubes on the playground. It had a large hole in it, so the school had boarded up that section and put caution tape around it. There was also a metal climbing section of the park that really needs to be replaced. It's rusty and most of the stepping areas are broken... and if they aren't broken now, they will be when some person is trying to climb them.

But mostly, what X-man and I noticed was how dirty the park was. There were no trash cans out there, so there was litter everywhere. Next Friday, while Luke is in for his surgery, he and I are planning on heading back to the park with some garden gloves and trash bags to do a pick up after breakfast. If anyone wants to meet us there around 9:30 a.m., you're certainly welcome to join us. I put a call into the school about whether or not the tunnel and climber would be replaced before the start of the school year. I told them I'd be happy to make a donation toward the purchase if they got an estimate. The school secretary took down my contact information and was to pass it on to the PTA.

I know the new school will have all kinds of bells and whistles, most of which I will find unnecessary, but nice. I already know that the Prairie Fields playground is nice, although lately, I've been picking up a lot of garbage over there, too. I think it's not as bad because the Savoy Parks Department puts out garbage cans and collects them.

But I do have to say that I like that X-man's first instinct was that we should come back and pick up the park to make it nice for everyone when they got to school. And I like that usually he's disruptive and needy when I'm on the phone, but since he wanted the tunnel and climber replaced, he didn't bother me once during the 10 minutes I was on the phone.

I like that he wants to build that sense of community and that he understands that he plays a role in making his school a nice place to be.

Bleeding on the Eggshells

Throughout the kindergarten selection process, I was surprised by many of my encounters. I was pleased by the schools I toured. I was excited about one of the two magnet schools, and I found the actual registration process entirely pleasant.

I was also surprised by my talks with people about the process. It appears that a lot of parents were frustrated, but most of them appeared honestly frightened beyond rational thought. Most of these parents were white, middle-to-upper-middle-to-upper class, college-educated folks. These were parents that somehow seemed ashamed that they were researching local private school options for their children. One pair even whispered their choices to each other in conversation like the mother from St. Elmo's Fire discussing money and illness at the dining room table as "hush, hush" subjects. I addressed the situation with as much lightheartedness as possible. People shouldn't be ashamed that they're making (or even thinking about different school options for their kids.). I'm happy, as a probable future Unit 4 family, to have them pay $12,000 a year in tuition to send their child somewhere else and to give us their tax money for Unit 4, without costing us anything. There was a time, not so long ago, where I thought Next Generation was going to be the best option for my son. That was, until he got wait listed and I dove head first into my Unit 4 exploration. I am inspired at what goodness I found.

But here's the issue: Champaign is segregated by socio-economic status. And as of right now, when I talk to parents from not-poor families about their kindergarten choices, there is a lot of "my family/my child" talk. Very rarely does anyone ever bring up the idea of "community." They leave kids without helicopter-level parental advocates to fend for themselves. Worse, they don't even recognize that it's what the Controlled Choice process is built for... to look out for all children. And that's just not right. My child has no more value in this world than any other child on the planet -- except to me. 

For all of the complaining, whining and fear talk about Controlled Choice, no one in the community is coming forth with a better way to make sure that children of all economic levels are able to go to school together. Sending children to neighborhood schools won't solve any disparities. It, in fact, it will only increase them. Potential school board members in tomorrow's election, specifically Grey, Brown and Novak all talked about various aspects of this at the community forum. The geography of our schools is terrible. The schools aren't where the people have been moving for the last 40 years. At the same time, even though we're not allowed to use race as a marker any more, there are a large number of African American families below the poverty line in this town. They tend to live north of University. And they were woefully treated for a shamefully long time in this town. Hence why we had a decree in the first place. 

Poverty is the one giant characteristic that can bring a child to his knees. How can a child who doesn't have food or shelter possibly perform well in school, regardless of the color of his skin?

Bob Herbert of the New York Times wrote a column called, "Separate and Unequal" on March 21, 2011. In the column, he writes:

"Educators know that it is very difficult to get consistently good results in schools characterized by poverty. The best teachers tend to avoid such schools. Expectations regarding student achievement are frequently much lower, and there are lower levels of parental involvement... Long years of evidence show that poor kids of all ethnic backgrounds do better academically when they go to school with their more affluent -- that is, middle class -- peers. But when the poor kids are black or Hispanic, that means racial and ethnic integration in the schools. Despite all the babble about a postracial America, that has been off the table for a long time... Schools are no longer legally segregated, but because of residential patterns, housing discrimination, economic disparities and long-held custom, they are emphatically a reality."

And this, my friends, is Champaign in a nutshell.

During my tour of BT Washington, I was shaken by the fact that the school only has a 7 percent white population. The clear racial divide in our town was at first heartbreaking -- and then suddenly I felt anger in my chest. And it wasn't an annoyance, it was seething. Months ago I had been worried about sending my son to any school in an impoverished neighborhood because poverty to me = higher chance of crime. During my tour, I was suddenly flushed and shamed for many reasons. First, I know that this particular fear is illogical. I worked in the BT Washington neighborhood for a year at the Douglass Branch Library. I enjoyed my time there. I worked with smart and savvy kids. Some of whom had parents who were in their faces all the time about school work and behavior, and some kids who I'm guessing haven't been parented since they left diapers. Some of the kids had parents working two jobs to make ends meet. Some of them had parents who were constantly looking for work. Others had parents in school. And a few had parents at home all day. That's no different than people in any neighborhood. Second, when you live in a neighborhood of homes well over the $200,000 range, like I do, you can say that you think the world has gotten a lot better in terms of racial relations because you see diversity in your neighborhood, at the park, in the extremely expensive pre-school/daycare that you've sent your son to for four years. But then you walk into BT and look at the faces of the students and realize how disjointed your reality really is. 

During the process, I mentioned that BT Washington was third on our selection list. In response, I had someone utter words about how I probably don't want my kid to inherit any of "those kids'" bad behaviors. My gut clenched and I explained that as a parent, I'm pretty sure that my child could learn bad behaviors anywhere. And that it's my job to make sure that he understands right from wrong whether he's in public or private school. Since that conversation, I've had three other people repeat the exact same words to me, so I've repeated the same answer, biting my tongue from including, "racist-like" between "bad" and "behaviors" as I spoke.

Five days after Bob Herbert's column, the New York Times ran an editorial about cuts being made between a rich school district and a poor school district in New York. Much, much, much more money was being taken from the poorer district than the richer district. 

Why representatives continue to make these kinds of decisions probably has a lot to do with campaign contributions and heat from well-to-do parents who like to point at their schools as being "good" and "successful." I got a similar class-centered vibe the first time I met the principal of Bottenfield Elementary School. Admittedly it was one of those, "You have 2 minutes to tell me why I should put you on my list of five schools --Go!" moments at an informational meeting. But the first thing he told me was that a large number of students at Bottenfield qualify for the gifted program -- but don't go.

The gifted programs are in schools north of University. Perhaps Bottenfield does do an overwhelmingly awesome job of education so that parents, particularly those conveniently located, don't feel the need to move them from a successful educational experience. But at the same time, it put up a divider and labeled "good" schools and "bad" schools. It took a tour of Bottenfield where I observed the awesome work by the teachers before I felt more than comfortable there. MacTroll, admittedly felt they were too formal. But I still listed it as my number 2 based on the educational and social growth excellence I saw going on there. 

Similarly, when I got my 20-minute tour of Stratton. The principal there talked about competing with the magnet schools to deliver  her students an equally enriching educational experience, particularly in the gifted program. I don't want my school district to have competing elementary schools. I want each child to be valued the same and treated as an individual. It shouldn't matter where he goes to school. If there's this much unevenness in how principals see their individual schools, how can we ever come together as a district?

So it was with a lot of shock and awe that I toured BT Washington with its principal after going to the informational meeting about STEM where the administration and teachers all confirmed that they would be teaching the curriculum in a different time frame without a focus on testing and would be using inclusivity among all students (even those in the "self-contained" gifted classes) in their new school. Seriously, I got up at the microphone and asked them to confirm/repeat what I'd heard before I posed my question. 

But it's become obvious to me when people ask me about kindergarten that there's a divide between those choosing private and those choosing public. If I come out first and say, "We're in the lottery for Unit 4." There is first a holding of breath on the other parent's part, and then a complete stoppage of conversation about where his or her daughter might be going. Five minutes later, I have to come around and ask directly... before they'll commit to telling me where they're choosing to send their child. And then they'll somehow confess hidden public school fears that they might or might not admit whether or not they think they're irrational. Most often, they blame it on their spouse, which may or may not be true. (For example, when we toured Next Gen's primary school when X-man was 18 months, MacTroll was sold on it. I was more for keeping the thousands of dollars to ourselves for his college. As we got closer to kindergarten, I agreed that X-man needed more outdoor time than the public school could give him, and maybe that 45 minute rest after lunch wouldn't be such a bad idea, but that obviously didn't work out for us.)

I don't mean this blog to shame anyone (except for maybe myself). The truth is that if you found a private school that you can afford that will teach your child a second language, given them outdoor time every hour, instill in them the religious values you hold dear and found a school where you feel the administration, teachers and environment are best suited for your child, etc. -- go for it. Don't worry about what other people think, especially not me. And, if this is you, disregard the next paragraph completely.

My anger comes out of other place. A place where folks have told me they plan on moving to Mahomet when they have kids to avoid the mess that is Unit 4 or Urbana. Or they want to move to Philo to be in Unity. Or they're suddenly joining a particular church, even though they haven't gone to church -- ever (like since they lived with their parents), to make sure their child attends the private school that's attached to it. These decisions are based primarily on fear. The parents don't even want to bother to find out information because? -- I'll venture a guess.

The one common thread appears to be wealth and race: Sticking with your own apparently makes people feel very comfortable. But that's not how the world should be, and the big lesson I learned from this whole situation is that the best thing I can do for X-man is to show him how the world works and how to make it how he'd like it to be. I want to teach him to be kind and patient and to be successful and scholarly in a group of peers who don't all come from the same place or look the same. And as bad as I think Champaign is at feeding the fear monster and putting way too much pressure on parents and kids about getting into the "right" elementary school, an article in the Financial Times (reposted by Slate.com) makes us look like weenies in the school selection process. At the same time, the author touches on the same kind of encounters and thoughts I've had about fellow upper class parents.

Katie Roiphe writes:

"The reality is that their school, like all the other schools, is a tiny bit diverse. There are a few kids who come a very long way every morning, from another neighbourhood, on a scholarship, but the large bulk of the class very much resembles in background the other kids in the class... if you were truly committed to sending your children somewhere "diverse", would you not be selecting a different school, one that doesn't require almost all of its students to pay tuition that could support several villages in Africa? ... The interesting element of this obsession is that each of these unique and excellent schools seems to be conferring some ineffable quality, not just on its students but on the parents of these students. In the 10 minutes they spend dropping their children off in its hallowed hallways, they are seeing some flattering image of themselves reflected back: progressive, enlightened, intellectually engaged."

In other words, the choice of the school and the fancy-pantsness of it -- reflects mostly on the parent. A "good" parent picks the school that has historically perform well (test scores). A "bad" parent settles for -- anything else. And I refuse to play that reindeer game.

I put Carrie Busey down as my first choice because I loved my interaction with teachers, the principal, the assistant principal, the healthy food and fitness initiatives and the fact that not all the kids came from the same background. I worry that if we do get our first choice that once the school is built a stupidly convenient six blocks from my house -- that part of what I loved about the school when I chose it will fall away. I don't want it to lose that Carrie Busey feel and metamorphoses into something like a Barkstall. I don't want large and institutional with uniforms. I want it to be personal and individualized. Because as much as parents coo about the ease of uniforms -- in a school like Barkstall (and even at Stratton) you can still tell the haves from the have nots just as easy as if they had picked out their own clothes that morning. 

Honestly, I could forgive the ugliness of uniforms... but I couldn't forgive a kindergarten selection process that didn't open the doors of a new $18 million school to everyone in the district, and not just the people in my neighborhood. That just simply won't do. 

Controlled Choice is what we have. It's there for a reason, and it's not to screw your beloved child out of a good kindergarten program or to drive you insane. It's there to level the playing field so that all kids have fair access to all buildings regardless of how much money parents make or don't make. While many parents may see it as penalizing -- many may see it as a blessing.

In the end, I know my child will be fine, no matter what school he goes to. MacTroll and I stress education, respect and hard work. He'll learn those lessons even if his school isn't the highest ranked or most chosen school in the district. And if you don't believe me that parental involvement matters in awesome amounts -- ask Steven D. Levitt and read his book Freakonomics.

My Kid in School...And the Kindergarten Meeting

So X-man brought home this little student incentive chart from last week. I guess I missed it in his cubby on Friday. It lists the days of the week and some key things he's working on, including academics, specialties (music, art and spanish), manners, follows directions and uses inside voice.

Shocker of shockers, the specialty area and academic area are full of stickers. But there are no stickers in the behavioral area...

You know, for something that I've been pretty tuned into since he was 2 years old, I'm kind of done. Clearly, my repetition of expectations, modeling of good behavior, cognitive approach and incentive/rewards hasn't taken hold. So I'm not sure what will. It's been, apparently, my big parenting fail.

Right now, he's telling me all about his introduction to the Bubble Guppies from his play date at Ella's last night while I was at the kindergarten meeting.

Speaking of kindergarten meeting, I didn't really learn anything new, besides that parents are weird people and if you send your child to the Garden Hills magnet school they will have the opportunity to learn Mandarin Chinese. Some dad showed up and said his kid didn't speak any English and wanted to wave ESL because he didn't want his kid to go to the schools where that service was provided. (The answer is that he'll have to sign something that says he's refusing services.) Another parent showed up and was concerned the school might make her vaccinate her child. (Again there's a form where you have to list why you're against vaccinations, which makes me wonder if they deny waiver requests for "I think they cause autism, even though the study that said there was a link was proven to be false and the doctor was freaking disbarred in England" reasons). But then again, maybe she's a Christian Scientist?

Someone else wanted to know if she drove her kid to school if she could get some kind of increased chance of getting her school of choice because she was providing transportation that the schools wouldn't have to pay for... the answer was -- no.

Talking to the principals was interesting because there are some that, well, don't have a personality. And others who light up the room. It's very curious. There was a collective cross our fingers about meeting the increased percentages they'll have to achieve to meet No Child Left Behind this year. I guess the number is 85 percent have to pass the ISAT tests... and no one is quite sure that's going to happen.

Big and Busy

Today started a week of craziness. It's not that I have a slew of ugly things to do. Most of the items to do this week I enjoy, but the schedule is so full, I couldn't even sub for anyone at MMO. I work on Tuesday and Friday with the fabulous kiddos at MMO. I am picking up the bookdrop and taking it to the Tolono Public Library on Tuesday. I am finishing up with the personal training I got for the holidays.

But I have a lot of different appointments. I'm visiting one (Stratton), maybe two (if Washington Elementary gets back to me) kindergarten classrooms this week. I've got the first parents School of Choice information meeting on Tuesday night. (Thank goodness my neighbors are happy to watch X-man for me so he doesn't have to be bored out of his mind at the meeting.) X-man starts sports class at Little Gym on Tuesdays, while still going to TKD on Monday and Wednesdays with me. Plus, he still sees Master Hyong for his private time on Friday night.

The president gives his State of the Union Address this week. Whether you like him or not, I'm not one to miss when Obama speaks. His oratory is wonderful, even if he periodically doesn't have the political muscle to move his agenda through. Overall, I find him to be a very smart and kind man, and I'll take those two characteristics in a president any day of the week.

This Saturday, MacTroll and I are signed up to use our Groupon.com coupons at the Upperlimits Rock Climbing Gym in Bloomington. We're dropping X-man off with his grandparents at the Children's Discovery Center in Normal at 9:15 a.m., and then going to our class from 10-Noon. Then we'll have lunch with X-man and the grandparents, and come back home. So that we can make some cinnamon rolls in time to go to a get together with some of our neighbors.

I'm glad that I got my long run (10.5 miles) out of the way at the Armory this morning with my sister. She waited very patiently while I slugged through the distance. I took my first Clif Shot with me. They were little fruit wedges and when I started to bonk, I ate one... and five minutes later, I was all better. But the head cold I've been carrying around for the last four days doesn't help when you're running. Oh, and as a Note -- Nike+, if a person runs 10.5 miles for the first time since last June, she'd like someone other than freaking Tracy Morgan congratulating her. I mean, seriously. Why him? Does he run? Couldn't you pick someone more inspirational? I don't even find him funny.

Tonight, I'm headed to Savoy 16 with some friends to see No Strings Attached. I'm a little dubious of the crowd that might be coming out of BW3, if the Bears Game ends around 5 p.m. But maybe if I stay at the far end of the lot, I'll be okay?

Manic Monday

I had a lot of appointments today. And, of course, one of them got fubared -- it was no one's fault. I went in for my pelvic ultrasound, but apparently I'm a "slow filler" so it took 20 minutes longer for the 48 ounces of water that I drank between 7:15 and 7:40 a.m. to make it to my bladder. At 8:30 at my appointment, we were all ready to go, but my bladder was about 1/3 of the way behind. So, I got to pee and then got sent out to come back at 9:30. From 9-9:30 MacTroll and I toured Carrie Busey Elementary School. It's my third time there. I went last year by myself when Savoy finally got a proximity A school. Then I went back during the open house night with Quigs. We saw Mrs. Carswell, who always makes me happy to send my child to kindergarten if he can have a teacher that communicative. :-) But this year, the special treat was that Mr. Scott, the assistant principal that I liked so much at Southside when I toured last year, is now the principal at Carrie Busey.

MacTroll was pretty happy about the tour and seeing the inside of the building plans for the new building they're supposed to finish by the time X-man is in first grade. Mostly, he was really excited to see so much inclusivity in the classrooms. Carrie Busey is home to the district's education program for the deaf. So, it was awesome to see interpreters in the classrooms working with the librarian doing story time, side by side.

Afterwards, I went to the gym and did some strength training and road 20 miles on the bike in 60 minutes. I'm excited about reaching this ability of 3 minute miles, sometimes less. Right now it's while the bike is on level 11 of 20 and set to the "Alpine" setting.

Then I ran over to weight management, where I learned that a man who started the program with me had died. It was strange, because I had just seen him on the treadmill last Tuesday. He was 71, and he started the program morbidly obese and lost hundreds of pounds. I don't necessarily believe that exercise helps you live longer. I know that being lighter is less of a tax on the circulatory system, but I believe that being more mobile does make life a lot easier to live. I was sad to hear the news and read his obituary online.

After weight management, I picked up MacTroll, and we headed over to Robeson Elementary School. It was my first time in the building. Usually Robeson is a four strand school. (Four strand means they have 4 classes/teachers at each level.) Next year they will only be three strand in order to make more classrooms available for things like reading rooms, special education classes, etc. The principal seemed very excited about it. She has a child going into kindergarten next year, too, so she was very sympathetic with a lot of the confusion or questions parents had.

The fun part of the trip was that last year, our company donated a bunch of money to some kindergarten classrooms at Robeson, so we got to see the rugs and pillow chairs that we bought for them in use. :-)

We know Carrie Busey is our first choice, but we have to have a second and a third choice, just in case we don't get into the 85% likelihood that X-man gets to go to his soon-to-be neighborhood school. And I'm at a loss about what to do about spot two and three I know there are wonderful schools, but they're usually picked by everyone. Only 3-4 schools appear to have a copious amount of extra seats, mostly, I'm guessing, because they're situated in more impoverished neighborhoods where crime is greater. They also have lower test scores. To attract people to those schools, they've been putting on brand new additions and changing them to magnet schools. I'm working on arranging tours for MacTroll and I at all four locations. As a parent, you hear different things about people's school experiences. No one is every 100% happy, it seems. But I also find that parents are usually die-hards about the schools they ultimately get, because they want to be supportive of the environment their children go to every day.

By the time registration rolls around, I hope to have visited every elementary school. I'm a curious (i.e. nosy) person by nature. I blame it on my journalism experiences in college. But I also have a thirst for being in the know. Having more and more information, only makes me feel more secure about the choices I make. So, I started this process when X-man was 2, just to stay involved. I refuse to be overwhelmed. In fact, when MacTroll complained that the choosing part was too confusing, I sighed. This is the kind of stuff I want to think about. I like options. I like contingency plans.

The principal at Robeson said that we'd register by the end of March, and we'd find out what school we're going to by the end of April. Then we'd find out our teacher in August. So, keep your fingers crossed for me. My luck in percentages department has never been great...

Part-time employment -- Hooray!

I got hired as a "floater" today at Mother's Morning Out in Champaign. I'm pretty excited about it. Every Tuesday and Friday morning, I'll report to the director who will assign me to a classroom to either fill in for an absent teacher OR assist the current ones. Today, I was in the nursery, which was so much fun. My favorite age groups are infants through 2 1/2. Once they start the potty training period and the name calling, I figure I'm still getting enough of that at home. :-) And honestly, I'm hoping that maybe next fall I'll be able to make it a Monday through Friday gig when X-man goes to kindergarten.

That's right freaking kindergarten.

On Monday, we're hopefully touring two schools. I've got a quick pelvic ultrasound at 8:30 a.m. to make sure I don't have any uterine fibroids that are randomly bleeding and causing my low iron, low protein and now low platelet issues. And then zoom - off we go to the first tour. Since MacTroll will likely not be around for the February 7th tours, we're hitting our soon-to-be neighborhood school first, Carrie Busey.

Then on the same day, we plan on checking out Robeson. I've already been to Barkstall, Southside and Westview. So I think on the second day of tours I'll look at Stratton and Washington. And then since we'll be in Paris the week of the evening open house, I'll have to arrange a time to visit the other schools like Kenwood, Garden Hills and Doc Howard.

Today, we also took Nyssa back for round two of the blood work on her thyroid. She's borderline low, so they sent the second vial out to do some more intensive tests, and we'll know if we have to start her on thyroid meds by tomorrow afternoon sometime.

Tomorrow, I'm going to work in the morning. Then I'll have time for a quick lunch, grocery shopping, a 90-minute workout at the gym before getting ready for our weekend guest. :-) I have a college friend coming to spend a couple nights with us, which is very fun. I don't think she's been down to visit since 2004.