Cutting the Cheese

When I was a kid, I loved Kraft.
I could have existed entirely off of Mac and Cheese and Kraft Singles.
When I was in high school, I found Beef-a-Roo Cheese fries.
My god, they were amazing.
In college, it was pizza after pizza after pizza... followed by some cheesy broccoli casserole.
My friend Patrick always had an extra stick of string cheese handy at the newspaper office.
Then I moved to Virginia -- and found Whole Foods.
Gouda, Smoked Gouda, Port Salut, Ricotta in a cheesecake -- not Philadelphia!
I came back to Illinois and remembered cheese curds and goat cheese (thank you Prairie Land Farms).
I visited Quebec and found poutine.
Then I had a child... and, holy cow, is he all about the Colby Jack.
At Thanksgiving, I loosened my purse strings -- a lot -- and found Mt. Tam cheese by Cowgirl Creamery at the Common Grounds Co-op.
Cheese is a comfort food. I don't care if it's cold or hot.
I've loved the taste of cheese my whole life, but, suddenly, my digestive system -- not so much.
It used to be that the words "lactose intolerance" could be cured by Lactaid and substituting almond milk with my cereal.
But now it's including yogurt, ice cream -- and, I hate this, cheese.
I'm facing up to the fact that soon, my ovo-lacto (I eat eggs and dairy products) vegetarianism—is about to just be ovo vegetarianism.
The question is -- do I bite the bullet and start now?
Or do I give myself the next three weeks to adjust bit by bit?

A New Baby

No, I'm not pregnant, and no, I'm not adopting. Instead, I started a new blog.

If you'd like to check it out, feel free. Although I just put up my starting post today regarding my interest in food and food science.

If you'd like to check it out, please do.

http://eatmedrinkmeblog.blogspot.com

A Change Up -- Sort of

Carle Weight Management closed last week, and I had been looking around for a program that would help hold me accountable, but not be quite so hospital driven. I've been doing a lot of cooking on my own, which is good (when it's dinners) and which is not so good (when it's cookies). It's not that everything doesn't taste fine, it's that I consume a lot more when desserts are in my house.

So, I needed to implement some environmental controls. I needed to take a look at what was in my cupboards and recognize that if there is a container of honey, I will devour it a tablespoon at a time on a LOAF of bakery bread in 14.2 seconds. If the honey isn't in the house. I don't touch MacTroll's bread. (Hence the reason I could never be vegan.) Anyway, you know you've hit rock bottom and that you have a trigger food when you're putting tablespoon after tablespoon on top of some lame 35 calorie Healthy Life wheat bread... and you've eaten 5 pieces because it's not feeding you want you want. But you also know that you can't dish out what you want, because you'd totally slam that entire loaf, which is a lot more than 175 calories total.

It's like if you use a lot of substitutes, you forget what the real thing tastes like. And the next time you reintroduce it, it's like having an orgasm. Food hits some very passionate parts of me, and it's been hard over the last few years recognizing that those emotional wants don't die out, just because you deny them for 9 short months. They stick around for when life hits you with mega change. And then you realize that in the most ideal situation, you were able to conquer the food cravings. But in a harder life situation, you caved -- some times. And it was enough not to gain it all back but to gain enough of it back that you're within 10 lbs of losing your Onederland status.

I didn't realize it had gotten that bad until today, when I showed up for the 7:30 a.m. Weight Watchers meeting. It's odd, really, being a person who has lost a ton of weight and showing up in a class where almost no one outside the leader has gone past the 10 percent mark. I kept that information to myself. I didn't learn anything new, but I did have someone weigh me, and I did recognize that feeling of wanting to do well versus beating myself up for messing up and then promising to start all over again the next day.

It helps when your leader was a WW drop out around 10 times before it finally clicked and she was successful. She's been keeping her weight off as long as I've been keeping the majority of my weight off. I have questions I want to ask her when I'm more comfortable. 

I'm going to probably switch to the Sunday 8:30 a.m. class down the road, just simply because I like not having to wake up at 6:30 a.m. to get there at 7:30 a.m. It's a bummer that the meeting place moved to the opposite end of town, but I'll live. I just can't walk or bike over the interstate overpass. I'm not comfortable with that.

I checked out their oatmeal because it was on sale, but when I saw that it had 39 percent fiber based on the added chicory root (inulin), I put it back. Holy cow, I would be passing gas all day long. I loved the HMR oatmeal, mostly because it had 60 percent of my day's worth of iron, and as a girl who can't ever have enough iron...I think I may order some packages online.

So, here I am with 25 lbs to get back off. It'll be interesting since I'm scheduled to have my surgery on both of the peroneal tendons in my right foot on Sept. 13, am force feeding a cat 4 times a day, have X-man underfoot for another month and am traveling twice, including a 3-day journey to Montreal. But I went with the plan that is the least restrictive about what goes into my mouth... so the choices regarding nutrition are entirely left up to me.

Okay, I'm wandering downstairs to cook some peas, carrots and tempeh with miso-almond sauce, which according to the recipe builder at Weight Watchers is 8 points per serving. It feels weird after dividing everything up into calories based on carbs, protein and fats on Loseit to suddenly just use these program numbers which are based on the same information (and fiber), but not really know what it means. I guess in a while it will be like visiting Canada. I can't remember how to convert the weather from F to C, but I know what the temperatures feel like when I'm there, so I don't leave unprepared for the weather.

The other odd part about this, is that I feel like I'm doing it by myself this time. Last time, I had a whole group of folks going about the same quest, except we all had much bigger numbers to lose. I don't feel quite as desperate this time. It's not all or nothing. It's just a kind of continual goal. It'll get there when it's ready to get there, and not a moment sooner. But I guess that's how life is working these days... Maya... California...Food... It'll turn out the way it'll turn out and all you can do is prepare, plan, execute and hope for the best.

I love food science

I'm halfway through the book, "Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More than We Think" by Brian Wansink. He's the head of the food lab at Cornell and I'm so totally excited by the book, I think I may actually buy it to keep on my shelf. It's easy to read and hilarious and is NOT a dieting book. There's no lecturing involved.

Instead, he tells you how your brain processes the idea of food. Some of it is stuff you probably heard -- like we eat less if we eat off smaller plates. But other things are things I had no idea about... for example, your body has no idea how much it's consuming. Everything you do is basically done on visual and smell clues not your actual hunger.

So, if you see that the bowl is half empty, you'll assume you've eaten half of your soup. But what happens... if you eat from a bowl that is refilling without you knowing it and keeping it around half full? Do you feel more full? Not really. Instead you eat gobs and gobs of soup thinking that you haven't eaten much because the bowl is still half full.

He goes through studies performed by his lab and others about how important smell is for eating. The government did a "smell" test with soldiers (because they were worried their military wasn't eating enough to sustain the 3,000 to 6,000 calories a day they burn off in physical activity) where they served oatmeal in an unscented plastic bowl, then the next time they served it in a bowl that smelled like cinnamon and raisins and then the last study, they gave them oatmeal in a bowl that smelled like Macaroni and Cheese. Not surprisingly, the raisin scented bowls increased eating, the plain bowl was in the middle and the Macaroni and Cheese bowl apparently made the oatmeal very unpopular.

He even goes into studies where academics profess that intellectual people educated about the trickeries used in the food industry wouldn't fool the smart ones, so he gathered a bunch of academics, gave them a course on food portions, servings, the visual cues, etc. And then six weeks later invited them to a Super Bowl party... guess what happened?

It's really a pretty awesome book. And there are some suggestions on way you can rearrange your life in simple, simple ways. For example, variety causes overeating. Try not to have more than two or three types of food at a gathering (that is stay away from potlucks and buffets). People have been shown to eat less when there's less variety. In one experiment, some folks were given a bowl of M&Ms that were mixed colors and others were given M&Ms that were the same color. The people with the variety ate hundreds of calories more in M&Ms than the one colored.

Other humdingers that they found to be true:

You drink more fluid out of a short, fat glass than out of a tall skinny one.
The closer a food is to you the more of it you will eat. (Convenience.)
If food is out in front of you and you know it's there, you're likely to eat it... this can even apparently be true if scientists give you a bucket of 5-day old popcorn...
If food is hard to get into, people are less likely to eat it. (Offering shelled nuts versus nuts you had to crack experiment).

Anyway, it's a fun read, and the author admits straight out that he likes food. :-) But it does make you conscious that it's really NOT about willpower. It's more about biology, environment, childhood habits and marketing manipulation.

I'm giving myself kudos here because I have successfully tracked my food in Lose It! On my iPhone for a week. I also set it up to e-mail every Monday to my dietician (while I have her) at Carle. I guess I'm going to have to find a new one sooner or later. Part of me was thinking of trying Weight Watchers up north for meetings, but I'm not sure. I've got about 5 weeks left to find if I want to go -- anywhere else.

I'm also giving kudos to myself because I got on my bike for a fitness ride for the first time since last fall. I was slow, but it was windy. I rode my bike to the Y from Savoy, did my first 30-minute Crossfit Powertrain class and then biked home.

Tomorrow, I'm in for a doozy. I've got aqua running with Kari followed by her H20 Bootcamp class. We'll see if I can hold it together or not. The plus of my day tomorrow is that I have the Volleyball Rec League at Burwash Park in Savoy. If you want to get out, my team -- the Blockheads -- plays at 7:30 p.m. We'll see if we can go 2-0.

A Mind Divided

MacTroll and I got a family membership to the Carrie Busey PTA so that we'd know what was going on. He was hoping that he'd somehow be able to keep that day open in his schedule in order to attend meetings, but he's 1/3 right now. They don't have a meeting in December and January is when we're headed out to San José for the week. So, um, it's not going so good.

However, getting the minutes of the meetings and the electronic information on school happenings is priceless. 

But, MacTroll and I keep raising our eyebrows at the inconsistent messages beings sent home in regards to FOOD at X-man's school.

Carrie Busey is a CATCH school and it participates in the NFL Play to 60 program. These programs stress healthy eating and active lifestyles. The school gets money for following their guidelines. Win. Fine. Love it. There's an approved snack list for what can be brought in for the kids to eat with "go" and "slow" foods, and once a month they celebrate everyone in the room's birthday with some "whoa" foods. Cool. Fine. I can follow those rules and appreciate them.  X-man says there's something called a Lucky Tray Day where school workers look at kids lunches and identify what is healthy and what is not. He indicates that frequently he is told what to eat first, too. And he repeatedly comes home and says that water is the healthiest drink, but really doesn't want that in his lunch. But on occasion, maybe he'd like to buy milk, except that when I ask him every morning, he says, "No, the apple juice is easier." :-)

But here's the deal... on Halloween, we had a party. It coincided with the October birthday party. So there were snack bags (mostly with toys in them like spider rings and stampers) but there was also some candy. Apparently during our party, an announcement was made (that neither MacTroll or I heard) that Halloween candy was not welcome back in the building.

So, the next day, as a special treat, MacTroll put two Starbursts into X-man's lunch. That day, X-man jumped off the bus, ran inside and shook his finger at MacTroll about how the candy wasn't allowed in school for a long time, like in January it would be okay to bring it.

What? Huh? What's the difference between eating your two Starbursts in January versus November? It was a decent question.

Especially since it came home that day with X-man's perfect attendance certificate from school for the month of October -- and a certificate for a free kid's meal at Fazoli's, which is a lot more unhealthy for you than two Starbursts. Each kids meal with a breadstick is around 400 calories. It's not terrible, but it's all meat and cheese and bread. 

For this month, the newsletter said that to reward the children who have perfect attendance in November they would come home with certificates for meals to Fazoli's and Texas Roadhouse (I'm imagining every parent with a peanut allergy cringing at this). There is no nutritional information, currently, for the Texas Roadhouse. But since they're the usual fair of hot dog, mac and cheese, two mini cheeseburgers, fried chicken tenders and bits of steak... I guess at least here the kids can choose fresh vegetables an applesauce as the their sides, right? I guess, my problem is also the extension of this. Because although the kids menus are limited, the adults who eat with them are surrounded by extraordinarily large portions and a long list of unhealthy choices. For me, it's too much. 

Here's the other issue...  I was told during the kindergarten walk through that pretty much the only fundraisers the school did were around the Fall Family Fitness run and Scholastic book fairs. There was a dinner out at the Texas Roadhouse. X-man asked why we weren't going, and I had to explain it's because they didn't have anything his lame vegetarian mother could eat. And I love my kid, but I'm not going to sit there and sip on a Diet coke while the school makes 47 cents from his kids meal. I can spot them two quarters. Plus, I'm not really thrilled with what X-man would undoubtably pick (chicken tenders with fries and -- begrudgingly the applesauce). 

In the newsletter this month the Fifth Grade is trying to raise money to take a field trip to the Science and Industry Museum by selling -- COOKIE DOUGH AND BUTTER BREAD PASTRY.

But on the next page is a big article stressing what foods are allowed at school at snacks and how children cannot bring Whoa foods on the days of their birthdays, they must wait until the appropriate party day... It's all in CAPITAL LETTERS and bolded and all that for stress and emphasis.

So I guess what I'm saying is that all of this not walking the talk -- and then shouting about the rules -- makes me want to send Starbursts to school with him every day in some kind of passive aggressive revolt. 

Instead, I think I'm just going to start recycling the coupons. So, um, if you eat at Fazoli's frequently enough NOT on 99 cent kid meal night (which is Tuesday). Let me know, I will totally pass these on to you. X-man (unless he comes down with my wicked pink eye) is also likely to get a Texas Roadhouse certificate this month. I'm happy to give that away, too.

But maybe, maybe, our school should start soliciting places like Flat Top or Subway instead? How about Schnuck's or the Common Ground Coop for a free apple or something not eating out. Some place where most everyone can eat and have equal opportunity to make very specific choices about what goes into their mouths. 

I know this makes me (the person with plenty of Starbursts to hand out) the food Nazi, but I do not always make the healthiest of choices for myself or my child. But I'm also not in an authority position over other people's children. It's confusing me as an adult.

So when X-man was whining to me about not going to the restaurant fundraiser by saying, "It's okay to eat at the Roadhouse, Mommy, because school gave this to me, so it must be healthy!" I had to smack down that logic fast. 

Food is not easy. I don't care who you are. But it's frustrating to be watching what seems like an internal struggle of a tennis match being played out at the elementary school level.

Putting the pieces together

I've started back to running -- slowly. I made it out 3 times last week. All very low mileage runs (between 1 and 4 miles). There's a bit of walking involved. There's lots of stretching of the calves, the feet and the achilles area. I also did Body Attack twice, physical therapy and some weight training.

I've got my second half marathon to do in October, so I'm keeping an eye on the calendar. But at the same time, I'm not pushing myself to go any faster than my foot can take. Slow and steady. Slow and steady.

What I'm more concerned about right now (particularly after attending two birthday parties today) is the amount of food that has been passing my lips. It's not hunger need. It's an "I want" need.

And running is always dangerous, because when I do it my brain gets happy and I feel great about my body. But it also makes me think I can eat whatever I want "because I ran today."

But we all know that's not how it works.

So, gotta readjust that one this week.

P.S. It's weird not to have someone greet you at the door when you get home from a night out...

Food Reading

I'm currently reading Marion Nestle's What to Eat: An Aisle-by-Aisle Guide to Savvy Food Choices and Good Eating. She's reiterating a lot of the things that I read in the other books I've been reading or movies that I've seen about where your food comes from, but rather than just hitting on the ugliness of factory farms, the chemical issues with processed foods or focusing on having a plant-based diet, she really does a multifaceted approach in a longer-than-average length book that is surprisingly highly readable.

In other words, you get more of a broader perspective of the whole food industry. My favorite part about her analysis is that she talks more about the government's relationship with the food industry through the USDA and the FDA than the other books. You stop seeing these offices as protectors or planners of the American food industry and see how it's more their job to help sell food to Americans in order to foster and support American business. She'll explain to you what is good and bad about the traditional way produce, meat and seafood are brought to the market (of which, seafood is the most scary) and also talk about what it means to be organic and why there are so few organic options these days in the meat area. (Organic deli meat choices at our Coop are minimal and expensive $7.45 per package, so we've removed deli meat from our purchases.) 

It's also a nice book for folks who have done prior research. You can kind of start skipping parts that you are already informed about. But my favorite thing about the author is that she doesn't just look at food as a scientist. She's not out to freak you out or scare you into a vegan diet. Instead, she looks at her research from her view as a shopper. She talks about going into her local stores in New York and asking people behind the counter where their food comes from. Most folks who work at stores don't know much about what comes into their counter except that it comes on the truck, particularly in large big box stores. But she also talks about how hard it is to live local and organic, no matter where in the U.S. you are. Fresh has different meanings, and the fresher you want your food, the more you'll have to pay through the nose -- and, of course, the more you'll enjoy the summer season when the most produce is available to you.

If you're looking for a text that doesn't look to make your food a moral choice for you... This is a great example. 

Similar Curiosities

My friend Ro is visiting for a couple days this week on her drive from Washington State to Washington, D.C. Ro and I were friends when we both lived in that area, and after nearly 10 years of living in Canada, California, Mexico and Washington State, she is returning there.

I am very thankful to have friends all over the globe. Even though I don't see them often, it's lovely when we do get a chance to get together, the chemistry is just there.

Anyway, recently Ro has found out that she can't eat gluten, dairy or any foods that are fermented or aged (no cheese or wine). And as she talked to me about it we found that even though our issues with food are different, we have both become interested in the history of food and examining how people eat. We want to learn more.

In Ro's situation, eating organic isn't really great for her. She needs the pesticides to kill the molds that make her sick. Then she has a special wash to get the stuff off the food. But like me, she often goes through moods where she wants to eat like everyone else, like she used to. And every time she does, she figures out that although her brain may appreciate the shots of seratonin and dopamine, her body, particularly her digestive system, doesn't at all appreciate it.

Drugging the mind and ruining the body...

So, we sat last night and talked for hours. It was lovely. She's here for one more night before she carries on to her final destination. I hope to get out east to see her when she gets settled in her new place sooner rather than later.

Food Revenge

I was going to blog about the Carle Food Allergy seminar I went to for educators tonight, but that can wait. Due to Blogger being down yesterday (horrors of horrors!) I didn't get to update.

Last week I left weight management angry for a bunch of different reasons. This week, I left weight management in tears. They weren't mean to me or anything. No one cracked a ruler across my knuckles or gave me a stern look. This was all me and my emotions.

You see, when I feel self-pity that I can't eat the way other people eat, I rebel. Know how I rebel? I consume foods that haven't been in my regular diet. I do it for a number of reasons but none of them is hunger-based. Do you see how this is a problem?

I also have emotional reasons to overeat. I have always been this way. I get sad -- I go for ice cream. I get happy -- I go for ice cream. I am bored -- I go for ice cream. I'm lonely -- I go for ice cream. It's a crutch. Other people have things like pizza or cake or liquor. I have ice cream.

When I get the urge to go down to Marble Slab, belly up to the bar and order myself a Banana Traveler on a white chocolate sprinkle cone, I try to subside it with something else. Usually, it's 35 calorie whole wheat slice of bread with a tablespoon of Brummel and Brown and a 1/2 tablespoon of honey. For a normal urge -- one does it. For a hormonal, pre-period meltdown it might take five pieces of bread. I've been tracking this urge for a while, and like clockwork it happens the day before, the day of and the day after my period and then it goes away. I don't feel guilty about it -- but the urge to consume feels uncontrollable and leaves me in a bit of a panic. At any other time, I just shrug my shoulders at food. I can walk into Cocomero and fill my cup full of fruit and completely ignore the frozen yogurt.

But my brain is telling me it wants what it wants and it's stomping its foot like a three-year-old child having a tantrum. On those weeks, I gain weight at weigh in. It happens. Normally, I spend the next three weeks working that gain off (it's 2-3 lbs). Usually I can run. Usually I can go to a boot camp class. Usually I'm not randomly sad about something I can't put my finger on.

Tomorrow is the first day I'm allowed to try some moderate activity on my plantar fascia after spending some time with the physical therapist this week. In the two weeks I've been off of it, I've gained 7 lbs. I keep eating like I'm running 25 miles a week, but I'm not. And I'm disappointed, but at the same time, I feel hungry a lot. Usually in the evenings. And I often wonder if this relates to the hormones in the IUD. (I have my six-week follow up appointment on Tuesday, so I can ask.)

I've also been working more the last two weeks, and the days have been overscheduled to the point of exhaustion, where I find myself eating bowls of fruit just to stay awake until I put X-man to bed. Yes, I know, it's fruit... but imagine eating one of those 32 oz packs of strawberries, by yourself, in two days. It's kind of crazy. And that's not the only fruit and vegetables I've been eating. Yesterday, I consumed 14 servings of fruits and veggies, today I'm at 10. Used to be I came in at a solid 5-7.

I keep looking at the paperwork they gave me to get my bloodwork done with in July after my IUD will have had 3 months to get settled. But part of me wants to go get it done now. I'm curious if my ferritin has gotten lower and the lack of energy is driving me to eat through the insane brain chemistry signals. I am, however, proud that I've been picking good choices to chew on rather than just buying a 1/2 gallon of moose track ice cream and a Papa Del's Super Stuffed Garlic and Spinach pizza every night and letting it take over. But I am so tired of battling my body chemistry. And I'm quite sure that whomever reads my blog is tired of me whining about it. (My sincerest apologies.)

But one of these days I'm afraid I'm going to get knocked on my ass, and I'm just going to stay down and close my eyes to the fight. It's a scary feeling. I'm afraid of what's happening to my body. It just doesn't feel right.

On the same note, I am leaving for Montreal next Wednesday. It's time for Loosey's annual sleep-a-thon. I'll be staying at the W again. It's been awhile (2008). So, I'm hoping I get their fabulous chaise lounge... That thing was awesome to nap on. Mostly, I think I'm just going to check in and collapse. Hopefully, I'll come back revived and ready to take over my life again...

Silent "Oh."

So, I'm waist deep in food research these days. And one thing has been becoming clear, there is a high price to pay for low-cost food.

The argument kind of goes something like this:

Most of the food Americans normally consume has no real nutrient value, poisons the earth, is filled with fillers and chemicals and requires us to abuse and use millions of animals a year. We subsidize farms for the filler (soy, corn and wheat) in order to put those products into everything. We jack up the farmer because most farmers have to purchase their seed through giant GMO Monsanto, which is knocking out other non-GMO food options, and making it not feasible to farm any other types of seed. The subsidies keep the price of the "filler" food at really low prices. The "filler" food leads to all kinds of health problems which costs the country millions in health care bills because it's calorically dense food with very little, if any, nutrients.

The other side goes like this:

There's enough food product to feed people who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford the "real" cost of non-filler food if the system was altered. In other words, more and more people would go hungry. There are seven billion people in the world and many of them are starving already.

Insert my silent "Oh." Here.

Well, crap. It's a total damned if you do and damned if you don't. Perhaps the reason other countries are so skinny is because they can't afford food and don't have the same subsidies that support "filler-food"? MacTroll liked to point out after we finished watching the first half of Food, Inc. that neither  Michael Pollan nor Eric Schlosser are vegetarians. They are instead what I've seen been referred to as "Selective Omnivores." People who eat meat that is only grown by animal-friendly farmers who produce meat that is organic. Because of the price of meat raised responsibly is so expensive (for an example a pound of Meijer bacon is $3.18 where as a pound of Triple S bacon at the Common Ground Coop is $8.25), it makes sense that having a primary plant-based diet with a few meat meals cuts out the incredible expense.

But it's not just the idea of a pig roaming free that makes it cost that much. It's the idea that factory farms soak your food in things like chlorine in a giant attempt to kill the billions of bacteria each animal picks up from living in close quarters standing up to their knees in their own and others' feces, which is on the meat that's been slaughtered, packaged and taken to your store in small, easily accessible, non-identifiable food packaging with a pretty farm label on it.

Food for thought: The next time you buy ground beef, one package could contain bits of who knows what from over 40,000 different cows. If there's something wrong with one cow, the whole industry goes bad -- or they just don't tell you and cross their fingers that no one else gets sick. But they have. People have died. Little kids have died. The movie interviews a mother of a two year old boy who died after eating a Jack in the Box hamburger.

So as we continually have recalls in meat, it makes sense why hundreds of thousands of pounds of beef are disposed of. They really can't determine where it came from except for the fact that all of the country's meat slaughters only go through a handful of slaughterhouses.

It's totally creepy.

Food, Inc., was fine to watch. It gave me lots of different views of the organic food industry (some better than others). It also interviewed Pollan and Schlosser about the realities of American eating (Schlosser's favorite food is hamburger and french fries). But it also gives an open door to the idea of selective ominivores everywhere, where as Eating Animals comes out and says if you eat meat -- you can't call yourself an environmentalist -- period.

On the other hand, this month's Vegetarian Times Magazine has a 28-day boot camp to vegetarianism. I plan on using it as a trial in June. I'll do a month of vegetarianism, take a break and try a month of "near veganism." (Still love that term from the book "Becoming Vegetarian.")

Until then, pity my "I'm an omnivore because I like vegetables wrapped in bacon" husband as I introduce him to food he'd rather not digest, but will, because he loves me and knows in his brain it's better for him and that he is at least able to get in the car and take X-man out for Pepperoni Pizza any time he wants. :-)

And please take note that I do not advocate for any eating plan. You eat what you want to eat. I'll eat what I want to eat. We'll leave each other to our happy bodies and bellies. Mine might run well on Cocomero. Yours might run better on carrot jalapeno soup. It's fine. Please don't think I'm self-righteous, because I'm totally not. I ate HMR bean and beef burritos with non-organic avocado and organic corn kernels today for lunch. Sure, I gave up my 100-calorie popcorn to air pop my own and avoid the transfats, but seriously, I also tried some vegan jerky that I just couldn't quite put my finger on. Did I like it? Well, I wouldn't choose to eat it as a snack. But that didn't stop me from consuming the little package from the Coop. Five little pieces and 100 calories later, I still couldn't understand what I was eating, or make a determination if I actually liked it or not.

What does it mean when you say, "I don't like it. But I'd eat it."

And then I realized, that's probably why big corporations started using neuroscience and trans fats to create more and more food products to begin with. Because some clueless person like me put an eggplant in her mouth and said, "I don't like it, but I'll eat it." And bing -- scientific lightbulb went off... and boom -- now we have Wal-mart.

The Science of Food

So, after getting disgusted on my last shopping trip using the NuVal system I came across a web site called Foodfacts.com. If you haven't been there before, go and check it out. You can put in the name of any food and find out what ingredients are in it, and it will explain exactly which chemicals are evil and which are not and why. It will also break down the thumbs up and thumbs down parts of the food. Like, for example, Cheerios rates a 67 on a scale of 100. It's low in calories and fat, etc., but it has a high sodium intake. Then you, as the consumer, can balance out which risks you'd like to take and which you wouldn't. If you have allergies in your family it also lists all of the potential allergens in the food that are additives and the nutritional contents.

It not only does products on the shelves, but also things you might eat out...

3-piece Chicken Selects from McDonald's. The chicken is high in protein but also high in sodium. But it also has processed soybean oil which contains something called TBHQ, which is a petroleum-based product that can cause "nausea, vomiting and delirium."

If you're searching for wide egg noodles, as I am this week, the No Yolks looks like a pretty decent choice.  It has a score of 77, no strange ingredients and is high in protein, fiber and enriched with vitamins.

Now to examine a staple. X-man likes chocolate milk. He drinks skim with Hershey's Lite Syrup in it. Turns out Hershey's Lite Syrup ranks a 0. It's high in saturated fats. It contains a bunch of sugar and it has sodium benzoate which is a food preservative and can aggravate asthma, cause headaches and may "increase hyperactivity in affected children." Um, yeah. Gonna need to find a chocolate milk replacement. MacTroll points out that we can make our own with cocoa powder and sugar. Or it looks like the lactose-free 1% already made chocolate milk from Organic Valley is the only chocolate milk that appears to cross into the over 50 mark.  Things you know taste awesome, but aren't any good for you suck. Particularly, if you've kind of lived in denial that something like chocolate milk has to be okay because it has a low-fat milk protein base. Alas... not when you add the crap to it that turns it brown.

It also turns out that I'd actually do a lot better for myself for air popping popcorn which is only white corn kernels (rated 77) versus the 100-calorie bags which are entirely made of of controversial ingredients. Orville Reddenbacher's 100-calorie smart-pop (rated a 29) have hydrogenated oils which contain, "trans fatty acids, which are toxic entities that enter cell membranes, block utilization of essential fatty acids and impede cell functionality. TFAs also cause a rise in blood cholesterol." Pop Secret's 100-calorie bags contain something called Propyl Gallate, which is a preservative. Unfortunately, the preservative has been used in studies on rats and mice and current research suggests (but hasn't proven) that this preservative might cause cancer, so it's suggested to avoid it.

So, if the NuVal system does an okay job of telling you which brands are better than others in terms of overall healthiness. This system goes one step further by including a better overall picture of what you're putting in your mouth rather than just giving you a cheat sheet.

One thing I would recommend is NOT liking foodfacts on Facebook. I liked them two days ago, I've gotten five updates from them, all with scary foods (like Hi C orange juice). I had to comment that maybe they could give some GOOD examples. They gave me lemons... literally. :-)

I was never an Absolutist

I've been reading books and chatting with people about vegetarian and vegan lifestyles lately. I will admit that most of my inquiry is health-based. I've read enough general nutrition books, studies and articles and met with my own nutritionist enough to know that the more plant-based a diet is the better it is for a person's overall well being.

In comparison to my husband, my life is rather leafy green. In comparison to a vegan, not so much. Meat doesn't come into my house too often, mostly because it's expensive and full of calories for smallish portions. I'd rather spend money on fruits and vegetables because I get to eat more, and let's face it, I'm a bulk eater by nature.

MacTroll on the other hand drools carnivore. And, truthfully, I have absolutely no problem with that. He makes his choices, and the more time he spends in urban environments, the more snotty he is about the high level of quality meats he wants to put in his mouth. He told me years ago that he never gets full when eating meat, but he loves it so. Hmmm, maybe medium rare filet mignon is his trigger the way I drool over baked goods?

Anyway, here's the deal. I haven't been sleeping through the local food movement. It just hasn't really come down in a price range I'm comfortable in dealing with lately. When I say I eat local, I mean I eat what's from my garden. Because the Urbana Farmer's Market is really kind of expensive (but it also starts really soon). I usually buy asparagus, corn on the cob, some lamb brats and pumpkins there throughout the season. But the five times I go each year usually sees me buying X-man his $1 popcorn as I wander around and try to find something I'm willing to pay for and then going home empty handed. It's kind of sad. Because there are foods I eat, but I just can't stomach paying 2-3 times more for them than I would at Meijer -- or even Schnuck's.

I signed up for the CSA program one year when X-man was an infant. I felt very wasteful because it was before my cooking interest started, and they gave me all kinds of things (even recipes for them) that I just didn't have the energy in my postpartum depression to muscle through. I mean, what one person can eat 2 plastic bags of rhubarb? I'd make into pies, and, seriously, never mind that Cooking Light thinks Healthy Pies are possible, they really aren't. I also remember getting 3 pints of gooseberries. Really, what the hell is a gooseberry? Now, I'd probably have no problem concocting meals of inexplicable ingredients that the farmer chose to plant. But really, I'd do much better with a lot more tomatoes and zucchini than six different kinds of salad mixtures. So, I haven't done it again.

This weekend is the turn the dirt weekend in my backyard. It was supposed to be last weekend, but the cold, ass rain made me lazy on Saturday, and then a 12-mile training run and some way more fun social scheduling kind of took precedent on Sunday. But the strange part is that I haven't decided what to plant yet. I know there will be spinach (because we eat it like no one's business, and I was reading something the other day that talked about how buying baby spinach from the store was some how ecologically worse for the earth than beef, but I have to admit, I only got the headline and lede read before I had to move on). I also know there will be plenty of salsa stuff, and the usual mint pot for MacTroll.

But last year, I had the whole thing mapped out by February and in the ground by now. I know I'll have strawberries and raspberries. We'll see how the blueberry bush does. But I keep waiting for my inspiration to come.

I feel the same way about reading these books and making a lifestyle change. Any book that has any kind of shaming involved or that leads with the concept that meat eaters are dumb and cruel and killing the earth, I put back. It might be dumb to eat meat in the copious amounts that most Americans consume it. It might be cruel the way factory farms treat their livestock. And the farm industry, particularly the cattle ranches, are doing a shitload of damage to the environment (more than even the transportation industry that's how potent cornfed cattle farts are), but I need the science I don't need the lecture to make up my mind.

As it is, I also need a lot of flexibility. If I choose a different lifestyle for myself, I'm not forcing the other two humans in my house to have it. But it is true to say that I myself will stop preparing meat-based meals, should I go that way. And if I've learned anything in the last two years it's that the more vegetables I feed MacTroll, the more likely he is to leave the leftovers in the fridge and eat out at Jimmy John's or Potbelly or Subway... If the meat is cooked at home, those fast food trips stop (or at least lessen). Funny how that works. Plus, in certain circumstances (thanks to the Common Ground Coop) I know where the meat comes from and that it's not loaded with antibiotics, nitrates, etc. But they don't carry an extensive list of meats at the Coop in the off Farmer's Season. And it is way, way more expensive to get it from Triple S in the summer than pick up the factory farm stuff at Meijer. (But we do our best with the Smart Chicken.)

My point is that in one of the books (Becoming Vegetarian) I'm reading they talk about the various kinds of vegetarianism. Then they address the stricter vegan, who are often more likely to extend their life choices to not wearing wool or silk or other animal products. I love that this book gives you the facts without the hounding, so far. And that they use the term "Near Vegan." Oooh. Maybe I could be a vegan that still eats honey, wears smartwool socks and has ice cream once a month. I wouldn't eat cheese or meat or eggs but I also probably wouldn't feel compelled to research every ingredient in my facial cream.

I guess when I started I thought I was going to have to choose and be all hard ass about my diet choice. But I don't. Others might consider this flaky, but in this world, I think there are some areas you can cut a person some slack and food is definitely one of them. There are so many choices to be made and so many social, environmental, emotional, economical and nutrition-based reasons to make them.

But the big question is, even though meat isn't a trigger food for me, how much would I miss it? I like its smell. I like its taste. But I don't usually crave it (well, except the 10 months I was pregnant). So, I'll keep reading.

The only other thing that makes me put a book back on the shelf besides shaming, by the way, is any book that promotes veganism as a method of weight loss. Eff that. Been there, done that. And I think mentioning it in a title is just a way to feed off people's insecurities.

Aisles and Aisle of Garbage

I've had plenty of "holy shit" moments in my lifetime.

Seeing the Grand Canyon.

Running my first 10-mile race. 

Realizing I was pregnant.

Realizing I got married.

Watching the president speak live 30 feet in front of me.

Watching the smoke start to rise above the Pentagon.

Euthanizing my first cat.

Putting on a pair of single digit-sized pants at age 33. 

Watching people spin out in snow and ice on Rt. 57. 

Winning scholarship or awards.

Being dragged behind a boat after falling through the middle of an innertube and not being able to breathe for what felt like a while, but was probably just a few seconds when I was 14...

And there are things I know, but try not to think about. Like I know I should have gotten a small, hybrid car instead of my RAV-4. In comparison to other mid-sized SUVs, it's not terrible in gas. But it was a comfort choice rather than a responsible choice. I know better, but I chose differently. I'm human, and I'm a little bit stupid and selfish. 

But today, I went grocery shopping at Meijer in Urbana. I had my list with me, and I went down the list. There were only seven items out of 50 that would take me into the middle of the store. All of the rest were either fruits, meats or dairy choices. However, I'd heard about the NuVal food scoring system last month and wanted to spend some time comparing products that I normally get in the processed aisles with others. NuVal are numbers stores like Meijer post in a hexagon on the labels on the shelves that tell you the price of foods. The numbers are 1-100 and they can tell you, if you follow the serving sizes, what brands of food actually are more nutritious than others. Like which popcorn is better for me really? The 100-calorie Orville Reddenbacher or the Pop Secret? Which is better the new Multigrain Cheerios or the Original? X-man asked for granola bars... which bars give him the most goodness for his growing body?

You want to know depressing? Depressing is when you realize that all the shit in those long, continuing aisles is garbage. Junk. It's created and put out there and sold in mass production to a giant society that gets absolutely no nutritional value from what they put in their mouths. It should all be thrown away. Our stores should be the size a small house, seriously. The rest of it can fold up and go away, except the Hodges Mill Whole Wheat Couscous. It was a freaking 91/100. When blueberries are 100, 91 of anything in a box is pretty spectacular. Go whole grains! 

Goldfish -- all 1's. Syrup of any kind was a 1 (except for the Smucker's low-calorie, no sugar. It was an 11). Pop Secret was a couple points higher in value than Orville. It was 23. Blue tortilla chips rank in the 40 range in the snack aisle. Terra Sweet Potato Chips were pretty high, too. But all the normal, inexpensive snack stuff -- single digits. Quaker rice cakes -- single digits. As for Granola bars, I chose the Cascadia Farm oatmeal and raisin. They were in the 40 range. I learned that if you add chocolate chips to anything, it lowers the NuVal number greatly. The same cascadia bars with chocolate chips were a 14... 

I came home with my groceries. (I was $13 overbudget because I bought the expensive nice-to-animals meat.) MacTroll helped me unpack. I told him about my experience. He looked at what I bought and he got depressed. He asked what the difference was between the sugar-free syrup we get and the Smucker's to make it a 10 point difference. Turns out it's just less calories (i.e. more fake sugar). "It probably tastes like crap," he said.

"Then maybe we don't need syrup at all," I said. In essence, X-man does like the flavored waffles... (Strawberry Lego waffles were in the mid-twenties.) 

"You know what I hate more than the NuVal numbers?" MacTroll asked. "The stupid calorie counts on menus. It takes all the fun out of eating out." 

In addition to MacTroll traveling to states that have enforced the new federal rules about calorie counts on chain restaurant menus, I also picked up a couple of the Eat This! Not that! books. Because if you're going to eat American Gap Crap, you might as well try to choose things that won't utterly kill you. Like my Double Oh Arctic Blast (medium size) shake from Cosi (that I ate with a salad once a week when we lived in D.C.) has 2010 calories. Doh! Or that you can order two things of fried fast food and a dessert from Dairy Queen and it's the same calorie count as ONE of their medium-sized chocolate shakes. Or that there are between 30-50 ingredients that make up one Baskin Robbin's milkshake.

It's all been scientifically engineered to taste good to our brains. To bring us back to buy more. It's capitalism, which I know everyone else points to as the acme of making our civilization work, but really, it's killing us in so many ways. When we see money instead of people, how can that be humane? Except for the fact that food industry employs sooooo many people. Do you see how this is a bit insane?

That being said. I like ice cream and Diet A&W root beer. I could sit down and eat an entire box of Oats and Chocolate Fiber One bars... What is a girl to do?

Wipeout

Part of my iron deficiency issue is that on days during my cycle I have a lot of energy issues. I took a 2 hour nap today to try and see if I could pep up for Tae Kwon Do, but the truth is that I was feeling fatigued and dizzy during Body Bar class. I couldn't lift a bar well that I kicked butt on during class on Monday. The difference: Day 1 of my period.

I'm not anemic -- yet. But I'm borderline. 

When I got my blood results back a few weeks ago that I had the deficiency I started taking supplements. I also have a protein deficit. And, as you can probably imagine, my husband found this pretty entertaining. He's a meat and potatoes kind of guy. He, of course, consumes too many carbs and proteins. Where as most of my diet is pretty fruit and vegetable based. This is a good thing. But your body absorbs iron better from red meat than it does from spinach. So I've been trying to increase my beef intake within recommended serving sizes. It is a little amusing that the medical advice for the health nut,  includes eating 3-4 oz of steak every once in a while. 

And in essence, I need more iron-rich food fueling my body and making hemoglobin. But normal things like a period, make it kind of hard. In addition, I sweat a lot, which doesn't help. 

So, today, X-man gets a haircut instead of going to Tae Kwon Do. And we'll try to go tomorrow after school, if I'm feeling better. If I'm not, then he'll go on his own and I'll sit my butt in a chair in the waiting room. 

Stupid Food

For the last week and a half I have been "in the box" again at Carle. What does this mean? It means that outside of pre-packaged calorie controlled meals (oatmeal, soup, protein shakes and entrees) I've been eating only fruits and vegetables. I cook them with no oils (Pam is okay). There are also a few very low calorie condiments that come into play. I can eat as much as I want -- as long as my food consists of only those things. At the same time as I've been doing this, I've been taking an emotional eating class.

It's interesting to be in an emotional eating class, while you've pretty much blockaded yourself from the foods that make you binge when stressed. I'm remembering what it's like to use food only as fuel and not as pleasure. At first it felt very strict. Now it feels very liberating. No monkey on my back.

Why am I in the box again. Well, here's the deal. I put a stake in the ground at 165 lbs and swore that if I gained the 10 lbs to get there, I'd do something about it. And it would happen, a few times. Usually, when I had my period. I'd fight my weight back to a 160 for the next three weeks and then fall off the wagon and go back up. It was aggravating, and I was getting tired of the same old fight over a few pounds.

Then I had to stop running, and my body changed, even though my weight didn't change that much. My shoulders and arms are a bit more toned, but my ass -- it got bigger. How do I know this? I couldn't fit in 3 pairs of the jeans I could fit in last year. I couldn't even button them. Grrrr.

So two weeks ago, I went to weigh in and found myself at 170 up from 164.5. Yes, it was the day I got my period. But still, I was horribly frightened. So here I am two weeks later, reporting 163 as my weight. According to math, 4 lbs of it was water weight from that good old monthly bloat. I'm suddenly able to wear one more pair of jeans. Now I just need another 5 to get off so I can fit into my gray cords and my last pair of jeans and I'll feel back on track.

What I'm hoping to get out of the emotional eating class, is how to stay determined to keep out the crap. Because it slowly crawled back in. Unlearning behaviors you've had for 30 years is hard. So rather than beating myself up, I'm trying to adapt.

I'll let you know how it goes.

As for now, I supposedly ran my fastest 5k ever today at a 28:31. But I have to admit I haven't calibrated the Nike plus program with GPS yet. So, um, I'll have to do that tomorrow. Then run another one some other time. But it felt nice to hear. I'm signed up to do the Halloween 5.5 mile trail run at Allerton on Halloween. I'm excited about it. Hope the weather isn't gross.

Busted

While driving home with this week's food experiment in the back of my car, I started to formulate some kind of blog. I was thinking about personal identity and how we become who we are, how that person grows and changes, how some people fear the unknown while others throw up their hands and adapt. I'm convinced that there are only just a tiny percentage who actually, most of the time, evolve gracefully like they were meant to.

Since we got back a day early from our vacation, I decided to use our $100 weekly grocery budget  entirely at the Common Ground Coop in Urbana to get me until Friday, my normal grocery shopping day. Now before you roll your eyes at me (either pro-organic or another). Let me say up front, "I KNEW THAT IT WOULD BE MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE." I knew I couldn't shop like I do at Meijer each week. I knew there was no way that the coop could have everything that the mega box store does, nor could they sell most of what they have more cheaply. So, why would I bother?

I've been reading a lot of nutrition articles lately. Some of them are from magazines like Eating Well, Cooking Light and Runner's World. Others are in the New York Times, The News-Gazette and other online news sources. There's a strong -- push, to eat local. There's an even stronger push to eat organic. And there's a whirlwind force to eat plant-based foods.

I won't lie to you. As an HMR groupie, I find extraordinary comfort that when I feel out of control in the eating department I just simply jump back in my box during the crisis. That means the bulk of my food comes from packages with whole foods mixed in. For example, a breakfast would be a package of HMR cereal with a 4 oz of blueberries. Mid-morning snack might be two HMR vanilla protein shakes with a banana, some sugar free caramel syrup and a smidge of imitation rum extract. Lunch would be a package of HMR Mushroom Risotto with 3 cups of baby spinach mixed in and an orange on the side... See what I mean?

In a normal day, when I'm not "in the box" I eat HMR for breakfast. Since I never used to eat breakfast when I was obese, this is a big deal. It's clockwork. My body knows the fuel and it's used to it. Then I usually try to stick to the usual healthy diatribe of whole grains, lean proteins and fruits and veggies. At dinner time, I slip in a double HMR shake or make it into pudding. My goal is always to try and have 3 HMR supplements a day. It helps me keep track of what goes into my mouth, and they are much lower in calories than other items I'd choose for myself. (Read here, my mental issues around food require a crutch.)

I digress.

I made my grocery list of the items we normally eat. Then I made a list of the ingredients I'd need in three recipes this week. As usual 30 percent of my grocery list is fresh produce, and off I went with my reusable grocery bags, just like it was any normal grocery buying day.

Now, unlike the usual Friday, I didn't write down the cost of everything as I put it in my cart onto my list. I do this to make sure I stay in my $100 budget. I also tend to buy my groceries in cash. I feed it myself into the self check out. Before my diet, MacTroll and I realized we were spending way too much at the grocery store. We were throwing food away. We overbought items and never planned dinners so that we could reuse leftovers in recipes or use leftover ingredients. But today, I used my credit card.

It was no surprise that I couldn't find everything on my list. And the one guilty item that my household can't let go -- diet soda -- ate most of the budget. It cost just over $14 to buy one six pack of the Stevia-based diet soda and one six pack of San Pellagrino orange soda. Yes. $14.

It was $13 for Buffalo burgers, a shift I made when I realized I couldn't find everything I needed for the Greek chicken meal I was planning. Namely, where were the cucumbers? And there were no green beans for the side dish available either. So, lesson 1 of shopping in a place where foods are not always available -- you have to be able to be a good enough cook to adapt. We'll see if I am that kind of creative cook over the next couple of days.

I bought one item that I didn't have on my list -- almond butter. My son has become kind of a kid-food focused eater. And by kid-focused, he's not willing to explore other foods too much right now. He finds some kind of comfort in having a fry section at every meal. So I've been making homemade sweet potato baked fries, regular baked french fries, etc. But he refuses potato wedges as being too much like a potato, which he doesn't like. Almond butter and jelly sandwiches are a fall back in case my 4 year old decides to suddenly fast.

I'm a co-op member, so I walked up and gave the woman my number and put my food up on the cart and then bagged it myself. The total was $106. And here's the gut of MY eating problem. Plenty of people shop entirely at the coop. They make it work because they either cook a great quantity of their food from the bulk bins (the coop has menus for using the bins AND a eat organic for less class that is free and offered every month to the public) OR they comfortably get by consuming less food overall.

I made several of the coop menus after taking the class last fall. They were great in the winter, but a lot of them, though they were high in fiber, ended up being high in calories and fat, as well, at least as they were portioned out in the recipes, so I had to change some of them to drop those numbers down. But I am reluctant to reduce my overall consumption of food. I'm not sure why. I find myself more and more eating because it's time for my mid-morning snack, rather than because I'm hungry lately. Sometimes, this is good, because when I don't eat on the schedule I can get sudden blood sugar dips (like what happened at the zoo on vacation). Sometimes, it's bad, because I'm eating when I don't need to. But it's often impossible for me to figure it out.

What I figured out is that shopping at the coop for me is an occasional stop. It doesn't fit into my life as a required shopping stop. Maybe it will in the future, but right now, shopping at Meijer is still much more economically feasible, particularly for box items on the shelves.

I was hoping that knowing that shopping at my local coop and knowing that purchasing produce there would induce some kind of upper-middle class euphoria based in the righteousness of following the recommendations of the research I've been reading. But it didn't. It made me realize how very dependent I am on food globalization. How paying $5 for organic strawberries at the coop hurts a lot more than the $2.50 I'd pay for the same carton... Even though the $2.50 funds a much more meaningful grocery. A grocer with intention that is overall better for both the environment and -- the final punch in the gut -- my family. I can honestly say that on the receipt of my food purchases today there was not one unreasonable or unhealthy food item.

Not one.

Slowing down the tortoise

Want to know a secret? It's hard to work backwards. I don't mean literally backwards. I mean it's hard to have knowledge about how to do something and then start all over -- at a slower pace than you're used to doing and paying more attention -- or having intention about it.

For example, eating. I don't really enjoy my food. I don't eat slowly. I don't savor every bite. Mostly, I act as if I need to consume what's right in front of me as fast as possible before it disappears. I don't know why. I was never a stray animal. I never had a point in my life where I was starving. No one has ever taken food away from me. But my dietician talked about slowing down at meal times. And I have yet to take part in it. You know why? Because I see the food and I forget. I just go-go-go. It's hard-wired into my brain. So, I guess I need to start unplugging it.

Another example, running. I've been running since September. I have two speeds: my pace and walk. Apparently, the heart rate I have at "my pace" is way, way too high to actually power my body in a good way. If I want to improve how my body works, how fast and how far I can go, I have to retrain it by starting over and going slower so I get more energy from my stored fat rather than burning carbs. This is hard.

I set my heart rate monitor and follow the 12-week cardio plan that iPower gave me. But today, as I'm doing intervals between zone two (heart rate 141-147) and zone three (148-156) my heart rate monitor buzzer is beeping at me pretty much the whole way that I'm either going too fast or two slow. It took me 25 minutes to finally get in the groove of it out of a 60-minute run with 5-minute warm up/cool down at the front and back end. And holy cow does slowing down take intention -- and humor. Because let's face it. I'm at a "moderate walk" at zone 2 and a "sorta jog" at zone 3. Because "my pace" which isn't fast at all has me at a HR between 165-180. And that whole time, I'm past my anaerobic threshold, which makes my body freak out.

Good times.

Know what else is hard? Repeating things 4,000 times each year for over 4 years hoping that it finally sinks through your kid's/dog's head that part of their behavior needs to stop.

Frenzy of Workouts

Today, I ran for 90 minutes. I went just over 8 miles. I had to do it at the Savoy Rec Center. Okay, I didn't have to, but the wind and the cold rain made me think that running 8 miles on a gerbil track seemed way more enjoyable than shivering to the bone running around outside against a 40mph wet wind.

Tomorrow, I'm going to get on my tri bike for the first time and ride it to the pool, do a 40-minute swim and then ride home. I'm kind of excited about it. It's going to be cool (around 45 degrees as a high) but it's also supposed to be sunny, thank goodness.

The weather report for Saturday is supposed to be 60 and beautiful, so I think I'll try to fit in another 5-mile run then. I also have to try to piece together the hitch for my Schwinn so X-man's trailer can be hooked up again. MacTroll unhooked it to ride the bike around last fall and never reconnected it. And then X-man did his "move stuff around" thing. Sigh. 

Tonight for dinner, MacTroll made me dinner. It was part of his birthday present to me, so I cashed in. He made me the Cooking Light version of poutine and even bought my favorite beer for me. Tomorrow, we're using up our date night money to send X-man to the Parent Survival Night at the Little Gym. I don't know what we're going to do but we'll be kidless for 2-3 hours and just hang out together. I'm kind of excited about it, and X-man is very excited about having "open gym time" and snack with the staff at the gym. He's developed quite an attachment to Ms. Niki and Mr. Giles.

The Weight of Bread

The television show Friends came on when I was a freshman in college. On Thursday nights the entire dorm would gather in rooms to watch the show. And I remember as the Monica storyline began to go down the "Monica used to be fat" road, I cringed. And then the next shot was Courtney Cox in a "fat outfit." Sigh. 


But what struck me as even more strange was that Monica was a chef. I wondered how a fat person even begins to go down the line of controlling the thing they've had an addiction and emotional attachment to enough to spend all day in the kitchen. Even in the last few seasons, Monica never was able to conquer that hard-wired food drive, but being the uber control freak she became (and I often wonder if this was a result of losing the weight) I think being in control of the food (and the exercise) helped her get to the point where she could somehow find some kind of balance, even if it made her crazy neurotic.


I've been cooking a lot in the last several months. When I had to stop to go back in the box for six weeks, it really freaked me out. Cooking has become therapeutic. I like to research what I make, plan meals and create them. Sure, I'm no Remy from Ratatouille, but I like the consistency. Maybe some day I'll get creative enough to figure out what will taste good together without needing a recipe. But I now understand Monica's career choice.


When I got back out of the box, I started baking bread. Mostly because MacTroll won't eat the low-calorie sliced bread that I bring home. I thought it would be cheaper. And it is in a way, but it's not any better for him. My problem is that as I experiment trying to find a lower calorie, higher fiber bakery bread that he'll willingly consume -- I've been watching my good bread (that he won't willingly consume because it's brown) go to waste -- and so I use it on my sandwiches or with my soup. But truthfully things with flour in them are a trigger food. I need less bread in the house, not more. 


So what to do? I have a husband who is a sandwich freak. And usually my response is, "He lives out of this house two weeks a month, he can get sandwiches out there..." But at the same time, white bread isn't on his recommended food list, but he's a big boy that makes his own choices. 


Do I just buy what fits into my list and disregard the pleading for white bread? I mean, we're already starting to get used to having less food around the house due to the change in our budget. Is it wrong to also use the budget to not buy anything on a regular basis that doesn't have a food is fuel mentality?


Because the truth is, I don't really believe that. I love my cooking. It's a passion. But maybe I can use that power for some kind of good moderation? Any ideas?


As for now, just so you know, MacTroll is Joey in that clip above. :-)

The Issue is Organic

Last summer I got a vegetable garden up and going. It was some work and some expense, but it felt good to get out and get my hands dirty. I just planned out the garden for this summer based on what worked and what didn't. And -- although this might start an argument with my son -- I didn't cater to his whims about what he'd like to see in the garden because outside of the cherry tomatoes and pumpkins, he didn't want anything to do with eating any of it. Oy.

But there are choices when you're buying seeds or plants. Do you get those that come in packages labeled organic and pay more for them? Or do you save a little money and figure I'm not putting any chemicals on them... can't that be good enough?

Last night several girlfriends and I attended a free class on how to eat organic on a budget. Healthy organic. It is held every month at our local coop. And the information was very good. It was also nice that the manager of the coop who taught the class lives and eats the way teaches... with a full-time job, a pre-schooler and a husband who works full-time, i.e. she gets the bonus of convenience. Lately since I've restricted the budget, I've automatically started using Sunday as my day to pre-make some foods to get us through the week. It's when I bake bread or a make a snack. Turns out our instructor uses her weekend for that, too. She also gave us some skills on organizing to prepare multiple meals and track what goes in and out of the freezer.

And when she says on a budget, she means that each of the meals she gave us recipes for are able to be purchased in the coop (using a lot of bulk elements) for less than $2.10 a serving. A lot of it is made up of beans and grains. And she discussed different ways to prepare beans so that they don't have to soak.

I'll be using three of her meals during the week of March 5-11th. We'll see how they go. Most of the recipes were vegetarian, but are are also meat friendly -- or vegan friendly depending on which way you want to alter them. Overall, I'm really glad I went because since starting our new household budget a month ago, by shopping at traditional grocery stores I've had to let go a lot of the organic eating we were doing. Milk was a big one that I cut out. As X-man's milk consumption has gone through the roof in the last 8 weeks, the days of water or watered down juice are few and far between. And I can't pay $4-6 per gallon each week for two gallons for organic skim milk. That would be 8-12 percent of my overall weekly grocery budget for four people. I also used to buy the smart chicken and the high-end cage-free, organic eggs. Now I buy regular Tyson chicken breasts and the lower-end grass fed Eggland's Best (usually with a coupon)... particularly since I recently learned that cage-free could mean anything. In my heart, I know that eating with a whole foods approach is better for my family and the environment. And if there's a way to make it convenient that's all the better.

But it does take a crazy amount of planning. Guess it's a good thing I like that part of my domestic goddess status, right? It's a learning curve, so hopefully by the end of the summer I'll have a better plan and approach it with less fear and intimidation. And see about volunteering at the coop...