It's Been A Long Time

But we're a three cat family for the first time since August 2001.

Today, MacTroll and I euthanized Nyssa. She had been steadily going downhill despite multiple different medical interventions and force feeding. She ended up dying, not so differently than Riley, our dog, who died in June. She had cancer. It messed up her neurological functions. And finally, she developed a mass in a very short time outside of her skin.

She was a sweet cat who slept with our niece when she was three years old, who slept in X-man's baby crib every chance she could (when he was not in it). She liked old people, people who didn't like cats and more importantly, she's the cat who taught my husband how to love animals.

Before Nyssa, MacTroll liked dogs just fine. He was so so on cats (because although Looseyfur was awesome, she did not begin her life with us as a cuddler -- that really only happened when the dementia set in). And Clawdio, well, he only likes me. So, Nyssa was MacTroll's first, and it was also the first time he was home to go through the process with me.

It made it better to not be alone.

Update on Nyssa

Tonight after I force fed Nyssa, she went to the litterbox and peed. Then she yelled at me and wandered into MacTroll's office. Talking from the kitten is never a good. We've learned that she only makes noise (other than purring) when she's really in need of something. 

He started petting her and her skin slid off of part of her chest/neck area. Yes, it could be a cyst from some kind of random infection. But I'm going to bet my money on it being a mast cell tumor. A quickly growing tumor at that, since she had a full work up on Tuesday and it wasn't there, and we've been picking her up to feed her and medicate her for weeks. 

And as I looked at it, I had flashbacks of Riley's cancer fight. She's sleeping in all the same dark places. She's refusing to eat, just like he did. She's drinking copious amounts and having neurological issues in her back end just like he did. 

We took her to the Animal ER, where they were unable to confirm at cancer diagnosis. I'm not sure they have the lab accessible there to determine the issue. But our goal was to make her comfortable until we could get her to our vet tomorrow. 

And then, I'm guessing, we'll be saying goodbye.

All I can remember is September 1999 when we were cleaning out the cages at the Fair Lakes, Va., Petsmart. I'd clean. MacTroll would check ears, nails and do some brushing while I disinfected the cages, put down clean paper, clean litter and refilled food and water bowls. "MacTroll, hand me the kitten."

Silence.

"MacTroll?"

"Look at how cute she is!" 

"We do not need a third cat."

"No, I know. But Looseyfur doesn't like cuddles and Clawdio loves you. Can't I have one that likes to cuddle with me?" 

"Let's think about it."

24 hours later...

"I can't believe we're adopting a third cat..."

A Call From the Assistant Principal and a Sickly Cat

I came home from work today to find MacTroll on the phone. This is not an unusual thing. I popped my lunch in the microwave, poured myself a diet coke and sat down at the computer. Then I heard, "Yes, they're observing if this is regular five-year-old boy behavior or if it's something else."

Shit. Really?

Turns out there was a sub at school today. The assignment the class was working on was to cut out lower case letters and match them to uppercase letters. X-man did a few and then started cutting his clothing with the scissors.

And he got sent to the assistant principal's office for it.

Where he fell apart in tears.

When she told him she wasn't angry but wanted to know why he was cutting his clothes, he said he didn't know.

She had him do the assignment in front of her. And he finished it in less than a minute.

I heard MacTroll explain that we don't make excuses for his behavior. He should not be cutting his clothes, but he's really bored, and he needs a better outlet for those slow times. When I talked to the principal later, he noted that the inattention came in the middle of the project not after it was done. Again, is it because he was inattentive or because it was a boring project? So we're working on him finishing his projects and asking for something else to do so he stops destroying his wardrobe.

So back the ball goes.

On another court, Nyssa, our cat with the paralyzed tail was back at the vet yesterday with a UTI and low potassium. Unfortunately, the drug she's supposed to take for the UTI requires her to eat something, and she won't. So we're calling to see about force feeding.

But we found her sleeping on the floor of the first floor bathroom today. That's not a normal place for her to go. It's also where Riley went the night before I had to call Dr. Mary to the house to euthanize him at the end of his battle with cancer.

So, this week is just getting worse.

Best Work Day Ever

Thursday was a little crazed in the Clownfish room. We still have children adjusting to the new experience of school, so some tears were shed. But at two, we also have some very empathetic friends, so when one cries, several of them feel sad, too.

Today, was awesome. None of our children were sad. In fact, they were super excited to be there, and Ms. Rachel and I were able to totally excited. First of all, we had two teachers for six children, which is an awesome ratio number. I felt for the first time all week that I could really sit down and observe the children's "know how" rather than just their social interaction. I also really got to play with them one on one. And the potty training/diaper changing was a lot easier.

But today, we also got to meet some fire fighters, go on a walk hunting for the fire truck, have a picnic of berries and popsicles and pretzels and ride bikes. I kept walking around declaring -- I love today. It was wonderful.

Then after I left work, my mood started falling apart. I picked up X-man from school. We were supposed to go home and just pick up MacTroll and leave to go to Family Camp in Wisconsin, but our cat Nyssa ended up in the Animal ER last night because she lost all feeling her her tail. It was just dragging around behind her and the first appointment we could get with our vet today was 1:30 p.m. So, MacTroll took her in for the appointment, and X-man and I are just sitting around on our butts. Car is packed and ready to go. Dog has been walked.

She's always had terrible arthritis, but it looks like she has some spinal disease which will only progressively get worse. Like one day she'll wake up and lose the use of her back legs or her bowels... It's hard to feel like you want to go on vacation, even though your cat is on pain medication and no longer in pain knowing that she might need you and you'll be gone.

Suicide Button

In high school I read the book Time Enough for Love by Robert Heinlein. In the book, the main character Lazarus Long is the oldest living full human left in the universe. It's a sci fi book way, way, way in the future. Anyway, Lazarus has decided he's seen everything, done everything and he's ready to push his suicide button, but a young descendent of his is trying to discourage him from doing so.

I've decided I want one of these buttons installed. I'm not a rash human by nature. In fact it takes me forever to make big decisions, and I agonize over them. But seriously, when I get to the point where either my body or my mind goes (it's a toss up which will degrade to mush first) I want to be able to just push the button. No chancing it with pills, no gun, no ugly. Just a nice cocktail with an umbrella in it, a good view pushing the button and slipping away.

Where does this come from? It comes from my latest trip to see Dr. Mary. Nyssa has been in pain for two days. It's her back. X-rays don't show any kind of break or fracture, but they can't really pick up if she slipped a disk. There's also some possibility she suffered a stroke of some kind because she appears to have lost some use of her left paws. Either way, she's clearly unhappy. The x-ray also showed that she has really bad arthritis in the lumbar area of her spine. Like so bad that her disks are fused together. So Mary gave her an injection of anti-inflammatory and she's on Cosequin twice a day. If the pain improves and she gets better, we'll just keep her on Cosequin long term. If not, we'll have to try some steroids. Luckily, all of her blood work is stellar for an almost 13-year-old cat.

Still, in some ways, I wish when it came to the end of the line for our pets, and even our other loved ones, there was an easier way to say goodbye. That naturally, we could all just push our own buttons. It seems a whole lot more civilized that way.