The Bucket List

Ever since that whole Bucket List movement came about, I've been wondering what items I'd dare put on my list of things to do before I die. The thought was really pretty morbid, so my mind would wander to things that didn't really matter -- like, "I want to visit Paris."

It sounded so bland. Lots of people make those kinds of arrangements. So I'd update it to:

"I'd like to own a beach house in the Caribbean." Okay, that sounds much more lavish and sexy and useful because other people can come visit you. At the same time, that takes a crap load of money that really, I'd rather apply to more common sense things. Why own one, when you can rent one and someone else can take care of the upkeep and hurricane issues? (See, I really am quite practical.)

Next idea, "I'd like to run a marathon." Yeah, right. Your body won't take that. Not unless they have a marathon that lasts over 5 days and you can log a little over five miles a day, so your knee and back get a bit of a break. Try again.

"I want to get a body lift procedure." Okay, not really. Well, kind of. But that isn't common sense at all.

What do you really want?

"I really want to be able to put my body and mind to anything I decide I want to do when I want to do it."

Well, okay, that seems a little selfish. Or is it?

On an airplane you're supposed to put your mask on first before your child's, right? So at what point are you the narcissistic parent who completely ignores your children and doesn't participate in their lives because you've become so obsessed with fulfilling your fantasies that you completely forgot that being part of their lives was once your ultimate fantasy?

The other problem was that this idea takes an extraordinary amount of planning and self control. I have both in spades. But I do not have control over the crap that life throws my way. This I know as a fact. So, you have to reassess and reset your priorities.

"I want to get to the end of my life and have no regrets."

Oooooh, that's a pretty good goal. It doesn't exactly list all the lame things you might want to do, but if you think they're too lame to put on a list, you probably won't regret not doing them. It also lets you take great risks or live as safe as houses, depending on what you want to do.

Way to leave it open ended without the predicability of a checklist... as you can tell -- I have commitment issues with myself. :-)

Happy Noodle/Sad Noodle

Happy Noodle: Today we took X-man to the Spray Park at Miller Park in Bloomington next to the Miller Park Zoo. We met some friends there and had an awesomely good time. We arrived around 10:45 a.m., played, ate some lunch, went to the zoo and then went back to the park. We left around 2 p.m. and X-man fell asleep in the back of the car. It was a lot of fun, and I'd do it again in a flash. I really wish the Urbana Park District had decided to create something more like the splash park in its three proposals. Mostly, it's nice that families can get the water play they need on a hot day -- for FREE.

Our trip last week to East Peoria to Splashdown was also a success. Again, it was less of a water park and more like a spray park, however there was a lazy river and a small lap pool. The nice part about Miller Park is that the spray playground is free, where as Splashdown is $8 per adult, $6 per child and $3 for spectator (if someone doesn't want to get wet).

My mom is in town, so she got to go with us to the park today. The kids were bounding to and fro but she sat at the picnic table in the shade watching everyone coming and going, which was nice.

Our room in the basement is framed. I'm not sure when the drywall folks will appear.

We're leaving for Canada on Thursday. MacTroll has a meeting in the Bay area, so he's going to fly from SFO to Detroit, where X-man and I are going to pick him up at 4 p.m. Then he can drive from Detroit to Toronto. On Friday, we're going to visit Toronto Island beach and then take X-man on a bike ride to the Rectory Café and then to Center Island... although, we might have to reverse that, since he'll go crazy if he sees the rides and we don't stop. :-)

Sad Noodle: Ever since my diagnosis with DDD, I've been wondering how my racing schedule was going to change. The truth is that I have no idea how my body is going to respond day to day, and it's making me very frustrated and angry that one day it's like nothing happened and the next day I'm barely able to stand in my kitchen and pour myself a bowl of cereal. Things get better when I move, so I keep walking. My life demands mobility... and my condition will only get worse if I don't keep the weight off and don't move. But holy cow, it's depressing. I kept telling myself that if I could show up and finish the park district triathlon (which was a swim through the lazy river, a small bike ride and a 2-mile run) tomorrow, I would be okay to do the try-a-tri in Toronto.

Well, here I am. I can't cross my legs without my back pulling. I could hardly walk today. After 40 minutes I was spasming to the point of insanity at 8 a.m. this morning, even after taking something for the pain. It's great when it's fine. And it sucks when it's out. And I don't get any choice as to when things happen. But it also means I'm going to have to pass on both triathlons.

As it turns out, I'm not Wonder Woman. And this pisses me off quite completely.

Thanks to Kids Place Live for introducing me to the Happy Noodle vs. Sad Noodle song.

To work or not to work

I've been flipping through the want ads lately looking for jobs that sound attractive. I've never really not worked (minus the three months before and after X-man's birth). And I'm a little freaked out by not having a paycheck only 5 weeks after my position at Millikin ended. 

Since I've collected a paycheck since I was 15, when I got my worker's permit to be a library page at the North Suburban Library, there's a certain amount of stress to my predicament. I mean, I know it's weird to think about, but I've spent 17 years working already. And theoretically, I should have 35 years more to go. 

But what I really want to do is to teach early education, and since plans to get a second master's fell through (I'm giving the big university the bird from my computer right now), I'm exploring my Parkland option starting in Spring 2009. That gives me six months, IF I decide to go that way, to be unemployed.

Or I could accept that career number two is not going to happen any time soon and get a position that works with me now. However, I'm finding a crazy amount of difficulty finding something part-time that wants me to work between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m. Everything has crazy evening or weekend hours attached to it that I can't participate in due to MacTroll's work schedule. 

But if I went back to work, even only part time, I would be paying for X-man's pre-school, which he loves (he doesn't want to leave the Turtle room when I go to pick him up these days). 

So here I sit thinking: Do I just make my house/home life my job and recognize that with everything I get done now during the week it means that MacTroll and I get pure, fun family time on the weekends? (i.e. I just own the housewife -- why is that such a dirty word to me? -- title and do it Dana-style) Or do I accept that making a meager paycheck doing good things for the community would ease some financial pressure and is, therefore, paramount.

Adding to the difficulty of the choice is my current weight loss goal. I'm rocking at the walking. I'm going to the gym. I'm cooking meals and really feeling very in tune with my body. I never feel any of this is important when I'm working. In fact, because I work, single parent, and do the house stuff, I feel completely overwhelmed most times. But at the end of the day... there's that damn check. 

Sounds like a poll for people who know far more than I do... :-) 

Look to the right if you want to be quantitative or leave a comment if you're all about the qualitative. You're obviously welcome to do both, too.