Yee Haw!

We spent three days visiting the Supers in Colleyville, Texas, a burb between Dallas and Fort Worth. It was great to see the kids running around and giggling and to get caught up. The Supers found a very lovely house with giant ceilings, a pool and a nice yard for Cooper to run around in. The girls were very happy and it returning to a land filled with sunshine rather than fierce winds definitely suits them.

While we were there, we visited the Stockyards. X-man got to take in the Longhorns and ride a pony. It was Sunday, so a lot of the country western stores were closed (which made SuperShawn sad) but MacTroll and I took the older kids for cupcakes at La Bella. They gave them two thumbs up.

Then on Sunday night, after we went back to our hotel in Southlake for some quiet time/nap time, MacTroll and I got a special treat. We got to go out to dinner with one of my childhood friends, O. O has lived in Dallas since graduating from law school at the turn of the millennium. He has a "newish" wife, Hil, who is very fun. We met for some Tex Mex in Irving, Texas, and I had more tequila than I had had in a long, long time.

On Monday, SuperShanna, MacTroll and I took the kids to the Fort Worth Zoo. It was warm enough to just wear sweatshirts. We saw a very ROARY lion, some adorable penguins and a lazy, loveable meerkats (among many other animals).

Then we had lunch at Mooyah and played at the girls' favorite park. 

It was nice to get some sun on our faces, even if it was only 52 degrees. It felt like spring, and it was their winter. It's odd to think that in a year, that kind of temperature could be our "winter."

Last night we returned to Savoy where it was a whopping 10 degrees when we got off the plane. X-man was put straight to bed and was dragging a bit this morning.

I'm off to physical therapy and then to workout with Kari, while MacTroll goes and gets Lily from Doggies on the Farm (See the flash of black in the front of the line, that would be ours) and then waits for the home inspection guy to come check out our house. The realtor comes tomorrow to check out our place. And then I have some "finesse" work to get done, now that the house is basically dejunked.

It's hard to believe that in six to eight weeks, people will be going through our home.

Sad Mama

You know, I have moms that I love. There are kids that I love. And I knew early on when I was touring the "Mom" groups that there was probably going to be a time when I was going to love a mom and not be so wild about her kid or I was going to love a kid and not be so wild about her mom.

But never did I think that the situation was going to be me being wild about someone's kid AND her mom, but having the two kids suddenly not get a long. It's not one child's fault over the other. They just suddenly started bickering like Statler and Waldorf, except they started getting after each other rather than other people. I talked to MacTroll and X-man about it and then I called my friend to see if she was noticing it, too. I asked if she thought the kids needed a break because they see each other every day. And she agreed.

I really like X-man's friend and his parents, but together, right now, the kids are not getting along, and the other mom hit a nail on the head when she said, "I don't want to force them to be together if they're not getting along and are both miserable."

My hope is that after break, one of them will ask for a play date. But we both agreed it should be on their terms.

But when I hung up the phone, I felt like I'd done the right thing, but I still felt really sad. I think the other mom felt that way, too.

After School Special

I picked up X-man a book called, "Eat Your Math Homework: Recipes for Hungry Minds" by Ann McCallum this summer while I was in California. He's been math hungry crazy, so we signed him up for 45-minute sessions starting in September with the Mathman, Don Cohen. He's kind of an institution around the Champaign area. My cousin John went to him when he was in Elementary School. Don could serve as a tutor, but often times he serves as the guy who loves math. No work sheets but he makes complicated mathematical situations pretty easy for kids from ages kindergarten through college.

Anyway, X-man asked to start doing some of the work. So today we made our own trail mix out of honey nut cheerios, mini marshmallows, pretzel sticks and dried cranberries (most of it stuff I put in X-man's special after school snack from his first day of school). Hooray for leftovers.

He scooped varying amounts into a bowl, mixed them up and then put 1 cup into brown paper bags. We then poured out what we had and counted them out and put them back into the bag, so we could figure out the probability of pulling certain items out of the bag. It was a lot of fun for a snack time.

I elected to put all of my items in rows to make them easier for me to count. X-man preferred piles. 

Afterwards, we set out to decorate the GIANT BOX that our neighbor Mr. Ron gave us. It was a great activity for him to do while I set about doing laundry and getting ready for our trip to Maine on Saturday. When he started, X-man decided he wanted to make it into a submarine.

I came out a half out later and found X-man with some neighborhood friends all painting the big box.

Apparently, the girls saw that X-man was painting a flap blue (he wanted it to hide his sub under water) and in this town if one color is blue, the other has to be orange. And there apparently has to be a big I in the middle of everything. They've all been well indoctrinated, I see. :-)

So, you know, a little math, a little art, a little snack, some social-emotional development...

Ignoring Heartbreak

In April 2007, I met Libbygirl and Lightning McColin at a CARE meet up. X-man was 13 months old, and I was totally gun shy of mom groups after having some scary experiences at two others in town. But my slobbery giant blonde boy fit in really well with her smiley, boy-who-likes-to-run. As an added bonus, I also met Me and My Boys.

Here we are over 5 years later, and today, the boys had their last C-U based play date. We met them over at the Anita Purves Nature Center to do a little scavenger hunt/hike and then played inside before going back to their house to eat our picnic lunch (did anyone else think it might rain this morning?).

After three hours, we all hugged and said goodbye and wished Thunder McGavin a happy fourth birthday. And off we went. I'm trying to pretend that I'm not having a hard time. I just can't imagine not seeing them at the Y pool or out to bowl or doing an absentee-spouse dinner date every few weeks.

But as Libbygirl pointed out, we're both headed to the same coast. And, well, she knows that we have a habit of showing up when we say we're going to show up somewhere. :-) So, maybe instead of meeting up at Curtis Orchard, we'll meet up at Yosemite. Or maybe X-man and I can drive a VW camper bus to Portland? :-)

We're already planning a Martin Luther King Jr. Weekend trip to Dallas to visit the Super Neighbors. But my how the next year will be different without them in our day-to-day lives. We will miss them terribly.

Thank goodness for FaceTime!

Tree of Life

The birch tree that MacTroll and I picked out at Country Arbours got planted today. It's in the garden that we tried growing blueberry bushes in, but to no avail thanks to the bunnies. I think it looks very cute and happy, which is nice because the ashes of Riley and Looseyfur are there. We'd been waiting to make some improvements on the garden before spreading Nyssa's ashes there. So I think we'll get a chance this weekend. I just need to pick up one more Sedum and one more Liatris to plant on the south side around the tree and it'll look symmetrical. 

Since the Super Neighbors have put their house up for sale they've been getting a lot of viewing traffic, so their dog, Super Coop has been coming over to our house. My guess is that they will have accepted an offer by the weekend (they've had a lot of families come for more than one visit). I've noticed a lot of houses in the hood have gone quickly this summer, my guess is that it's due to being in a Proximity A school neighborhood. This gives me hope for next spring. But it was also very cute to watch my black dog (looking very chocolatey in the sun) get some tug time with a very blonde dog.

X-man has a playdate at our house today from 1-4. So I'm hoping to get in some bush trimming, weeding and grass trimming while he's entertained. So far this summer he's been unimpressed by the amount of "Mommy Work" I get done during the day. And I'm apparently ruining his life by not playing with him every moment of the 14 hours that he's awake.

Oh the drama! ;-P

Making My Job Easier -- Sort Of

We learned this week that two of our long-time friends are moving away. This is both heartbreaking and comforting to me. It's heartbreaking, because I'll miss not having them around. And comforting, because it helps X-man understand that more people move than just us... the fact that he has to say goodbye to two other families kind of reinforces the fact that it's part of life. 

And when he asks if we'll go visit them -- the answer is always -- YES!!

Adult Friendship Dilemmas

Recently, I found myself seated with two other mothers who have boys who are friends at school with my son. I don't know the moms very well. But I do know that they have been nothing but nice every time I've seen them. They're on that, "I'd like to get to know you better if I had more than four days a month to schedule things I want to do with other adult people  -- which probably don't fit in with the four days a month you might have time to schedule non-family things" list.

And it made me sad. Mostly, because, X-man is fond of their children.

But then in the middle of the conversation, one of the moms, who I definitely adore, invites my son to her Vacation Bible School. It was very sweet and I thanked her. But not before I blurted out, "We're atheists."

I've never been real sure how to handle these situations. I know I'm being honest, but you never know if, when you tells someone something like that, they take it personally. Like do they think I don't like them now because I know they believe in god... and the vice versa.

Later that afternoon, I kind of felt okay about blurting it out because I was being honest. It's a big part of who I am. I don't hide it, but religion doesn't really play a role in my life (unless you count watching Castle as a religion). But I know it does in other people's. I'm not ashamed. It's just not how I normally lead conversations with when I interact with new people. And I hope I didn't make her uncomfortable.

The next day at school, I walked X-man in and I ran into her son. He looked at me very lovingly and asked, "Do you know Jesus?"

I figured that the mom must have had a talk about it with her son, so I answered as very nicely as possible, "I know of Jesus, but I've never physically met him."

One of the other parents found that to be kind of funny, and so did the child. So I let it go at that.

But later during the pledge of allegiance, X-man said that the child asked him why he didn't say the "under god" part during the pledge.

X-man said he didn't say anything for a while and then said, "My family isn't 'under god'."

The little boy was apparently very quiet. X-man said he looked like he was in disbelief.

I can see this going in a good way, and a bad way. And I really hope it goes the good way.

I talked to X-man about going to the Vacation Bible School. I explained that it's always good to learn about the different beliefs there are in the world, so that he can make his own informed decision. He said no thank you, but that he would very much like to play with his friend this summer.

Then he followed it up with, "It's okay that we're different, Mom. It's what makes us -- us. If we were all the same, life would be boring."

And that was one of those times when I just wanted to hug his little social anxiety ridden body to mine forever.

Great Eggspectations

We held our annual egg hunt for our friends today. As usual, people were way more generous than the 12 eggs I ask them to bring. We always do it the weekend after Easter, so we get all the eggs at least 50% off, so people go nuts. There are like 300 eggs and like 14 kids. :-) The rule is -- you're done when your basket is full.

We divide the backyard into two areas: Candy and Non-Candy. It's safer for friends with younger children and for those with allergies. And it works out really well.

You can tell MacTroll hadn't seen PG and Lightning McColin lately.

And it's not a surprise who the first three through the gate were to get eggs. 

X-man put out nearly all the candy side eggs. It's my guess he memorized which ones had the Starbursts in them.

The kids filled their baskets and immediately checked out their haul. This is normally an easier task, but Savoy, which is always windy, had a high wind warning. Everything was everywhere. No tricky hiding this year. If an egg was up high... it got blown to the ground.

I had this basket filled with eggs to put out for the hunt. Maya found it on the kitchen counter and decided she needed to sleep in it. She snoozed all day. Then, the poor thing, had to lift the front part of her body out to eat her dinner... Isn't her life sooooo hard?

Hanging with Friends

It was not my intention to disappear for over a week. Sorry about that! We went to Nebraska for Easter weekend to visit some friends who moved away almost two years ago. It certainly doesn't feel like it's been two years, and, honestly, it was funny to watch our boys get together. They still look like freaking bookends. :-) 

We went to the Pizza Machine which is kind of what would happen if Chuck E Cheese and a Carnival Ride group got together and opened an all you can eat buffet for $6.95. We also visited a Native Nebraska Wildlife Conservation Park and saw wolves, black bears, bison, etc. 

There was an egg hunt at grandma's house where X-man also got to ride (as a passenger) on an ATV driven by Dr. Dave or MacTroll. And the boys also went to play Laser Tag! 

It was a lovely weekend of lots of activities. Hopefully another two years won't go by before we see them again.

Lazy Rainy Day

So, I have to admit I've been pretty useless today. I got up and went to Kari's circuit class at 7:30 a.m. Then I ran some errands at the Coop and Schnuck's. I returned put away the groceries, scooped the cats, did the dishes and did some laundry and then I showered. It was 10 a.m.

Then I pretty much stayed in my robe reading Carrie Fisher's new book Shockaholic and playing with my phone or iPad until 3:30 p.m. when I got up, did some more dishes and laundry and did some work for school.

That's 5.5 hours of just lying about.

Right now Bubba is over for a sleepover. He and X-man have been doing quite well. I think it took two hours though for X-man to calm down. He was overexcited and wouldn't just talk to Bubba, he was basically shouting at him in crazed lunacy. Right now the boys are safe in the basement playing Lego Pirates, and I can hear Bubba's giggle coming up the stairs all the way to my bedroom. It's very sweet. MacTroll is in his office playing Civilization.

The reason I'm not downstairs is that I finished eating my allotted food just before 7 p.m. and I know if I go down there I'll eat something. But I also know that I'm not hungry. I'm tired. And a lot of times when I'm home alone, I'll eat from dinner until bedtime from exhaustion to stay awake. It's a wicked habit to unlearn.

So, it's 9:18 p.m. and I'm going to continue being a layabout and turn off the lights and go to sleep and let MacTroll get the boys into bed. I'm sure I'll wake up when they tromp up the stairs to X-man's room.
One of these days, we'll have to pitch the tent in the basement and put the air mattresses down there. But not yet... Maybe in second grade. Right now I like eavesdropping.

My favorite quote came this evening when the boys were in X-man's room playing a game on the computer. X-man was having trouble relinquishing control of the space bar to jump in some game. And Bubba asked very politely if he could do it himself. X-man protested sor MacTroll went in to intervene. Just as he opened the door, X-man looked up at him and said, "It's hard having a brother." :-)

I like that he feels that close to his friends, even if he doesn't get to play with them as much as he would like. It's special these kids he's known since he was a babe.

Good idea

Every summer, I host an event at my house for the parents I know called "The SWAP." It started out over at Libbygirl's house, but it got big and popular really quickly, so we moved it to my house, which still wasn't enough space. So it kind of takes over my house... :-)

It works like this: Parents bring over all the kid-related stuff that their munchkins have grown out of or don't play any more and I set it up like a giant garage sale in my garage. Except nothing is for sale. Everything is free. At the same time, we have a potluck. MacTroll and I buy some pizza and everyone else brings side dishes, desserts, drinks, etc., and we all hang out, eat, and fill up our cars. At the end the left over clothes are taken to Headstart in Urbana. And the left over toys are taken to Goodwill. The books are donated to the Tolono Library (or Libbygirl might take them to Prairie School in Urbana since Mr. Libby operates their book cart).

It's a lot of work to set up, but I totally love doing it. I also love having all the families at my house for a few hours. As the kids grow up, we see less and less of each other. They all go to different schools or are enrolled in different after-school activities. But they totally still remember each other and they like to get together. And the truth is, once upon a time, I used to see these parents two to three times a week. Now I'm lucky if I get to see them once a month. So it's totally nice to have them over and catch up.

And this year, we'll have our new patio, so I hope it doesn't rain!

Full Moon Babble

I'm sitting in bed listening to Ingrid Michaelson, which if you know of her, you know it's a huge mistake. If you don't know her, think of John Cusack's quote in High Fidelity...

"Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"

Anyway, what's rambling around in my head besides thoughts like, "Yesterday, my dog was sitting with me on the couch. Or today, my dog died in the south end of my dining room on the floor. I watched as his head dropped and his breathing stopped. I pushed my face into his little crimped ears and took one last whiff of that Riley puppy smell."

Are things like, "All that blogging about not connecting is bullshit. You do connect. You connect in spades. You picked up the phone and put out the word and everyone came running. They took your kid (or tried to). They sat with you while you waited for the doctor. They called, e-mailed or sent you Facebook messages. People from all different periods of your life."

After that realization came the brutal conversation with myself about what an ungrateful, overdramatic brat I can be. So I'm apologizing. I'm desperately sorry, if I've jumped off the course for a while. It's not who I want to be. I'm hoping that tomorrow, when there's new light that separates me from today's sad events, I'll feel a little more self aware and a lot more humble to have so many people who love and care about me.

If you're still up, peek out your window. It's a beautiful moon.

If I Were My Husband...

I would totally spend the ample amount of time I spend in airports writing down weird ass things people say and then I'd sell it as some kind of coffee table quote book. I visited four airports today flying back from Montreal (hey, it was a free ticket... I don't get to argue about free when gas is $4 a gallon). Anyway, Montreal was obviously the most normal airport. It was the start of a long holiday weekend in Canada so families were everywhere. They've done a lot of restructuring of the airport inside and out, so there are more food choices than there used to be where American Airlines flies out. It was nice to walk in and get a yogurt parfait and a San Pellegrino at 7 a.m. It was nicer that at 6 a.m. when I left the W hotel by cab, it was bright and sunny outside.

Anyway, Montreal's airport has, since I was last there in October, gotten free wifi. No more Boingo Hotspot for $6.95. It would be really nice if LaGuardia and O'Hare had the same option. It was an hour flight into New York, and the pilot took us on a nice cruise over the Empire State Building and then over Ground Zero. I haven't been to NYC since 1999. I keep thinking MacTroll and I should go for a long weekend, but then the moment passes. (By the way, my husband who hates to shop anywhere that's not the Gap Outlet Store in Tuscola, CLEANED up shopping on Fifth Avenue in 1999. I was shocked. I guess when you have store after store after store you're excited about new duds. I don't know what the difference was between that and the fact that we lived two miles from Tyson's Corner in Northern Virginia with most of the same stores, but hey, I'm all for people finding things they like in stores.)

LaGuardia Airport is also undergoing renovations. It's an armpit of an airport. I hate any airport where you have to LEAVE security to get to another terminal. That's just asking for trouble. Plus, the gate agent and the people leaving on the 11:55 a.m. flight to Chicago (I went out on the next one), were extremely rude. They were calling people by their group numbers to board, but people kept trying to bud in and board out of order, and the agent kept sending them away to wait their turns. Plus, then they'd all crowd in so the people being called couldn't get to the jetbridge. MacTroll informs me that these people are called "gate lice."

So the AA agent gets on and in much nicer words than these admonishes the folks for not listening and basically calls them stupid and impatient. It was awesome. There was also some psycho girl who kept talking about all the stars her Dad helps out because he runs a bodyguard business in Manhattan. An older man who was taking a call about my hometown Rockford and then realized the entire gate could hear him and suddenly got all paranoid -- while he was being super loud. Then there was the drug user, former Harvard student who was sitting next to me talking to her brother in Chicago about a mess of dumb ass things. It was awesome. I put some of the quotes up on Facebook. It had been awhile since that much random crazy had been within 10 feet of me.

As it turns out my 1:35 flight to Chicago was much less crazy. Although it did have a couple assholes on it who were, not a surprise, both sitting next to me. You know the kind. The plane door has closed, we're taxiing to the runway, the announcement has been made to put away electronic devices -- and one asshole is still texting and the other is still talking -- loudly on his phone. So the flight attendant has to ask -- twice. And then just before we're turning to take off has to literally scold them into putting them away.

In Chicago, it was business as usual. I picked up a salad at CIBO Express with some flavored water and sat down at G19A to eat it. Then we boarded the plane to Champaign. Again, nothing special, until we were getting out bags off the baggage claim and suddenly shouting happens. A young man had just returned from two weeks in some kind of military program. A group of people were there to meet him (although he was really confused as to how to exit the Champaign airport from the gates -- which is weird because there are only 4 gates and one security hallway in the whole airport). Anyway, down at the baggage claim the kid's mother starts SCREAMING that this girl that she doesn't know is trying to turn her son against his own mother. The son is walking away from her embarrassed. Then the girl starts to shout at the mother. The mother shouts back. Then the son says, "I'm gone for two weeks and this shit is still going on?" And he walks out of the airport. Everyone at the baggage claim looks dumbfounded and then they start to laugh, because what the hell else do you do when weird talk-show-esque fights erupt in public. How odd.

Tonight, we have a special guest at our house. Bubba came over and he and X-man have been playing cars and Batman and Transformers all night while they eat pizza, watch movies and share 3D Super Mario Gummis. Bubba was totally awesome about clean up, and he only admonished MacTroll a bit when he missed a spot of pizza sauce during his wipe down of the table. But he was ever so polite about it.

Quigs will also be glad to know that it's God that saves Hiccup in How to Save Your Dragon. :-) Toothless is apparently part of the Lord's Army.

I'll have pre-school graduation show movies at some point, but MacTroll apparently didn't move his butt to the right side of the room when he filmed it with his iPhone (He took the camera, but didn't realize the battery was in the charger.) and so most of the films and photos are of the rest of the class and the top of X-man's head on the other side of the room.

But getting back to where I started from -- MacTroll travels 10-13 days a month. Do you know how much crazy he could capture at airports during that time? He could totally put a book together and sell it on Amazon.

Oh, and still no definitive word on Riley. Our vet had some questions that she didn't get from the radiologist, so we'll find out on Monday, or if she calls/e-mails earlier once she hears from him. He's eaten by himself today and is able to walk around okay on flat surfaces. I'll be spending the night on the couch downstairs just in case he needs to get up in the middle of the night. MacTroll's been doing it since I was gone, so it's only fair that it's my turn.

How much work is it to compost?

About two years ago, I started eyeing some giant fancy composting bin in Gardener's Supply Catalog. I never purchased it because it came, even on sale, with a large price tag.

Last week I went over to my friend Ms. Awesome's house to check out her set up. Her family of four uses some upcycled tumblers in their yard. There are two bins that are fairly large that they put all their scraps into. Ms. Awesome went over the rules (no bones, no pits, no weeds, etc.). Then she showed me how it tumbled and vented and talked about how it took a few months to get compost from them. It was a large system, and I know that if we had trees that had leaves or if we had a few more people at the house besides X-man and me (MacTroll doesn't really eat a lot of fruits or vegetables on his own) it would be a good system. Of course, I might need to improve my upper body strength because by the time one of those suckers got half full, I'd get a work out trying to tumble it. It was nice that the tumblers were sealed tight against possible pests, though.

Then I went over to Ms. Amazing's house where Mr. Amazing showed me his red worm compost set up. He started about 4 months ago and has proven to be really successful at it. His worm casings (i.e. compost) were beautiful. But holy cow, they're like pets. In order to get some really sublime compost, you have to grind down a lot of what you give to them. There's a temperature control situation, standards for venting the worms so they stay happy, which means you would need to keep the worms in the house (likely the storage room in our basement). There's also a mite issue that you have to look out for. And again, there are rules. No meat. No dairy. No citrus. Dry your egg shells...

I can't have a heap in my yard because we finally got our winter mouse issue under control because we back into a cornfield and an open field and a park area, and I really don't want to attract more rodents.

Rogers has been attempting to compost now for four years. She has a neat-o-keen large bin in the back from Lowe's, but she said she couldn't make it work. Things just kept rotting, which was a total flag for me, because there's a reality to how much effort I'm willing to put into the job. I also have to admit that MacTroll was not thrilled with the idea of housing worms in the basement. He'd be okay with the garage, but our garage isn't heated.

I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs and realizing that maybe I need more of an apartment dweller's solution, since I'd only be composting the food of 1 adult and one child. They have some pretty fancy machines out there these days. I remember B.Lime downtown advertising the Naturemill machine on the local news some months ago. But again, it's pretty expensive (although uses very little electricity). So, back to the books I go...

Update on the Boston Bunnies

The three J's (two from my childhood and one sister-in-law) ran the Boston Marathon today. The fourth J still has an injured hip.

Girlbunny J, age 36, ran it in 3:30:36. She was 7,714/18,000 runners and averaged an 8:02 minute/mile pace.

Boybunny J1, age 36, ran it in 3:15:01. He was 3,905/18,000 runners and averaged 7:27 minute/mile pace. Not bad for a soccer player. :-)

Boybunny J2, age 35, ran it in 2:58:30. He was 1,274/18,000 runners and averaged a 6:49 minute/mile pace. He was always a runner, and he's very, very good at it.

Congratulations to the J bunnies! Here's hoping you get to eat everything you want in Boston today. :-) And for Boybunny J3, you're a triathlete... enjoy your bike and your swim while you rehab that hip.

And apparently the rest of us will have to change our names to start with a J to ever run this fast.

To Brulée or Not to Brulée

I went out for coffee Saturday morning at Aroma Café. In the window was an ad for an event at the Canopy Club called "Voulez-Vous Brulée?"

The photo is of a woman naked slightly covered in feathers (click on the link and you'll see what I'm talking about). But what intrigued me, was the description that was totally meant for people who aren't your normal clubbers: "Voyeurs, exhibitionists, freaks, and wallflowers welcome. Costumes encouraged."


And I thought, Well, hell, I'm all four of those things in a way. Plus, this is a totally appropriate venue for the corset. 


But then I talked to my new friend Cor about it and I wondered if it would be me, at 35, with a bunch of 19-21 year old kids. I didn't want to show up and feel old and ridiculous (or I should say more old and ridiculous than I feel on a daily basis).


This was reinforced today when I was in the "fun" t-shirt section at Target and X-man pointed out that Daddy couldn't have an Operation Game t-shirt because this was the section for "high-schoolers." He then pointed to the poster at a display next to us to an 18-year-old kid. Yeah, okay. Even my 4 year old gets it.


But tonight I went to the Canopy Club web site to look up more info. Turns out Ginger Brulée is getting an MFA in dance from the U of I (no lie). Not only that, but this event is part of her thesis:
By virtue of our collective gaze, we, as a society, bestow upon the beautiful young woman (performer) an intoxicating sexual power— a power that is creative, generative, and, ultimately, addictive. Though she has us in thrall, the nature of her power rests in her own exposure, an exposure that all too often renders her vulnerable to exploitation and violence.

When she matures, she will be expected to relinquish the hold she enjoys over us in exchange for the procreative power of motherhood, the nature of which is still rooted in seclusion. Not unlike the separation of church and state, 21st century American society still maintains that these two powers, that of the creative and the procreative, or, in the words of Simone de Beauvoir, the productive and the reproductive, cannot be held in one female body simultaneously.

Through dance, music, narrative, and comedy, and within the context of third wave feminist discourse, I will ask: Why not?

And that pretty much represents most of the women that I know around town. So maybe I'm not crazy, but I've also never been to the Canopy Club, and it's a school night. 

But I was wondering, if anyone else might be up for going with me? It's on March 17 from 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. and the ticket is $5. And I'd probably be able to go from 9-11 p.m. If it completely blew, we could head over to Boltini. They'd never look at us weird. :-)  I'm not a dancer... but it says wallflowers are welcome. And really, I'm just -- curious.

It's Starting

When I was a little girl my neighbor, Dave, died. He was married and was the father of two of my friends. It was my first real memory of human death. We were just kids when it happened, but I very clearly remember my mother talking to my father in the kitchen. She said, "It's going to start happening. We're almost 40." My father's reply was something about how he thought their parents would go first.

Either way, I dismissed it as adult concerns and went on my way to watch Mama's Family reruns in the basement.

I lost all of my grandparents before I turned 25. So my mother's been the oldest of the oldest generation on her side since my last grandfather passed. My father has an uncle and an aunt still living. But in terms of his brothers and sisters, he's the patriarch.

Three months after X-man was born, MacTroll lost a colleague and a friend. He got so drunk that he fell off a balcony in Japan. MacTroll wasn't with him at the time, but he was in Tokyo, so he brought back his friend's cremated body to his family. That was weird and it was a fluke. It was the first time, at 30, MacTroll had ever lost anyone close to him.

Now as I get closer to 35, my friends' parents are starting to pass away in their late 50s, early 60s. I know it happens. No one can help illness. But with each Facebook post of folks passing away, I think more and more about my son, rather than my parents. I know that's strange. But it's what I think about. My family has always operated best with some distance. It used to kill me when I knew other families like Womanthatrolls and CaptainPatrick would be able to coexist as adults within close proximity of their families often peacefully, but mine has issues after 48 hours in the same space. I guess it's just different from family to family.

When I first met MacTroll, I was overjoyed to have a boyfriend who was so smart, fun and loving. I fell for him immediately. I didn't know why, at the time, he was so attracted to me. But almost 20 years later, I get that it was more than just teenage hormones. We understood each other. We shared the same big picture ideas and values. We were able to give each other time and space to be who we are and explore who we want to be. As it was, we both felt that we were left very much alone in our adolescences and yet we had nothing in common with most of the other kids we interacted with. And almost immediately after I found him, I lost the only other person I felt really cared about me, my paternal grandfather. I thought, in my 16-year-old mind, that I just wasn't meant to be loved by more than one person at a time. Obviously, now with X-man in the picture, I know that isn't true. :-)

We consider ourselves very lucky to have found each other. We get up every day and choose each other. It might be the secret of why we've endured. (Who really knows the answer to that? I sure don't.)

On the other hand, I think more, now that we're older, about when the other shoe is going to drop. When is it going to be my turn to update the Facebook status about someone I love? Hell, it'll probably be me that goes first.

Every time X-man brings up death, I repeat the same sentence. "We're born. We live and breathe and then one day, we die. It's just the way life works, or there'd be no room for anyone."

I understand that this is the truth, and I can explain the mechanics. But to really understand death, you have to experience it and sit with it and mourn and scream and cry and laugh. Death is the ultimate letting go as much as it is about forgiveness and love.

To all the people in my life who have loved ones that have passed on or have loved ones who are fighting for their lives. I think of you with great thoughts of love and affection -- every day. More than you know.

Bowling on Christmas Eve Day

In the summer, my friends who are also parents are always on the move to the pool, to the park, to baseball games, etc. In the winter, everyone is always trying to come up with new and different ways to keep kids physically busy when outside conditions get ugly.

Every day that X-man isn't in pre-school, and sometimes on the days he is in pre-school but they don't get to go outside, I'm scheduling gross motor time.

Yesterday, I decided today's gross motor time should be bowling at Old Orchard Lanes. Today, we took my mom and met up with Special K and and Rudy's families. The boys all bowled, so did some of the parents and my mom. It was a fun time. And when we got home, X-man was able to spend two hours of quiet time with his Legos and helping me make chocolate chip cookie dough truffles (holy cow, are they good).

Call and Answer

I'm starting to relearn how the natural progression of a relationship is supposed to be that you are yourself and then through chemistry and common interest and effort someone becomes your friend, but that doesn't mean he stays your friend. People come together and they grow apart. You can't go rushing after people and plan every outing and look at your friendships like a job. Sure, maintaining a relationship takes effort, but it shouldn't be strenuous work. It should not be one sided. And, often, how you see your role in a friendship is completely NOT how the friend sees it. Sometimes you just grow in different directions and lose sight of each other only to come back together years later. Sometimes you think the world of a person, but at that time your life is filled with turmoil or other chaos so you never get to know that friend like you wish you did. Sometimes you've been a complete asshole and that's why no one calls you or invites you to things. You may not even be aware of what you've done, and it's really hard to ask someone what is going on when you feel disconnected from everyone.

Sometimes you look around and realize that, as you are, the world isn't very much interested right now. It doesn't mean you're a terrible person and no one wants to be around you. It doesn't mean you should cut yourself off from everything. It just means that right now, at this moment, you find yourself without a person who knowingly rolls their eyes with you, understands your private jokes, knows what to do when you need someone just to listen and not try to solve everything or make recommendations. You're without that person who fundamentally gets -- you.

And some days, I think that you're the only person that can really understand you, and although people are often wonderful (although sometimes not) additions to our lives, we still live and die alone.

But that doesn't mean you stop trying to make connections. Connections are what making life worth living. I can't imagine not getting out there and trying. Can you?

Two "Tomboys" Wear High Heels

Last night my friend Minnie and I went to the High Heels at 5 Fundraiser at V.Picasso. I had been watching for a night when my life and this fundraiser would actually go together, because I was curious. The fundraiser raises money for different charities each time and has moved around from hotel restaurant to hotel restaurant. This was their fifth fundraiser. There are free appetizers and you get a free drink ticket for your $5 donation. Around 6:30 they start announcing door prizes. Some of them are really fun like for water parks or local spas. There's also a drawing for a chance to be chosen for a grand prize trip to the Caymans. (If you haven't eaten at V.Picasso yet, you should. It's a lovely date night or girls night out spot for tapas -- and the martinis are yummy).

But more exciting, to me, was to have a place to practice being a girl. I spent most of my childhood in speedos, tennis shoes or soccer cleats. I was outside all the time. I blew my nose in my t-shirt, had twigs in my hair (and lice in second grade if I recall correctly) and hung around with the three boys in my neighborhood. (One that would years later actually hit on me over Facebook implying he'd be happy to party with me when I was in town -- if I got his drift -- even though we are both married with kids -- classy. Defriend.)

Anyway, a lot of girls that I know have love affairs with dress shoes OR they just have a lot of shoes. I usually get by with 7 pairs, 4 of with are of some sport variety. Lately, ever since I lost the weight, I've been wanting to try different kinds of clothes, different kinds of shoes and -- heaven forbid -- make up.

So last night I played dress up. I got all dolled up in red, and I put on a pair of 4 1/2" heels that I bought online from Aldo. I had only been walking around the house to practice in them, so wearing them on uneven concrete surfaces was a challenge. I just kept whispering to myself, "Step on your heel not on your toes, step on your heels not on your toes." It worked. I had very little ankle shaking. And my friend Ian of the North sent me a video to watch about how to score the bottom of your heels with scissors so they're not so slippery and you can get some grip. (Thanks, Ian!)

Like me, Minnie has always been an outdoors kind of girl. She grew up a swimmer, and in the last year has become a runner. She's a diehard White Sox and Blackhawks fan. She's lithe and lovely. She showed up in a red tank top and a hot pair of jeans and a pair of adorable plaid heels.

"My flip flops are in my purse," she whispered to me as we were moving along in the registration line for the drawings and to make our donations. "Mine are in the car," I whispered back.

We grabbed our drinks and appetizers and found some comfy couch seating near the bar (since the table area in front of the mini stage was already filled up by 5:05 p.m.)

Then we chatted and met a new friend, who is an amazing woman, mother and artist. Suddenly, there was a man in a suit and a yellow tie and vest in front of me handing me a card. "Yeah, this one is for you. You get this for having (pause while he raises his eyebrows) great shoes."

I thanked him and grinned from ear to ear. The card was an invite to compete in the high heel contest at the end of the night. The moment was almost as amusing to me as when the little old man at the National Cathedral in D.C. asked me to help him out and then handed me a pitcher of holy water and pushed me down the aisle during communion to deliver to the clergy. I was just there to see my friends from Millikin sing. But there I was an athiest with holy water... and 10 years later... Loosey in a high heels contest.

Fifteen minutes later another guy with a tie was in our area checking out our shoes and choosing carefully.

There was a group of 3 women next to us that looked -- hot.

Finally he handed one to the woman wearing Leopard print pointy heels, one to me and one to Minnie. I handed mine back to him telling him I already got one. The earlier yellow tie guy came by and said, "Well, that might be a nice sign for you at the end of the night if we both chose you." (Nice that after one small sangria, I can't hold a card upright... good thing I sobered up before the contest, right?)

Alas, neither of us was chosen as a finalist. :-) But it was still very fun, and I was pleased that we were able to raise funding for 65 kids to visit Larkin's Place for free. Amy Armstrong's work for Larkin's Place is amazing, and I love what she's doing for the children in C-U.

In the end I did win a  door prize. One that I was least likely to use: a purple and gold Juicy Couture purse. (I think it'll hit consignment later today.)

But at least it wasn't the basket of Fannie May candy, which I probably would have tried to consume the entirety of on the way home.

I am totally looking forward to the next one. But for now, I'm excited that tonight is date night with MacTroll. I made 6 p.m. reservations for X-man to go to Little Gym, and 6:30 p.m. reservations for us to eat at Bacaro. I think there's a black skirt, red shirt and black leather caged shoes in my future.

Oh, and MacTroll's reaction to me suddenly being 5'11" last night. "I suddenly feel like Tom Cruise to Cameron Diaz in Knight and Day." It actually really weirded him out. Because his next sentence was, "I'm glad you're going out alone." -- So he wouldn't feel short next to me. Too bad those caged shoes are also 4" tall wedges tonight. He'll have to get over it.

He did get an ear full from me when I put the shoes on in the closet and he freaked out that they might be putting dents in the new wood floors. Seriously? Seriously? Of all the mammals in this house (including himself) he's worried about ME doing damage to the floors? In the 3 seconds he'd seen me in the heels (the first pair I'd worn out since I was in Toronto in March)? Puh-leez. And concern for the floors were his first reaction. Not, "You're hot." But "Don't wear those on the new floors, they'll make dents. I've seen it in the Apple office in Reston!"

Hoser.