If I Were My Husband...

I would totally spend the ample amount of time I spend in airports writing down weird ass things people say and then I'd sell it as some kind of coffee table quote book. I visited four airports today flying back from Montreal (hey, it was a free ticket... I don't get to argue about free when gas is $4 a gallon). Anyway, Montreal was obviously the most normal airport. It was the start of a long holiday weekend in Canada so families were everywhere. They've done a lot of restructuring of the airport inside and out, so there are more food choices than there used to be where American Airlines flies out. It was nice to walk in and get a yogurt parfait and a San Pellegrino at 7 a.m. It was nicer that at 6 a.m. when I left the W hotel by cab, it was bright and sunny outside.

Anyway, Montreal's airport has, since I was last there in October, gotten free wifi. No more Boingo Hotspot for $6.95. It would be really nice if LaGuardia and O'Hare had the same option. It was an hour flight into New York, and the pilot took us on a nice cruise over the Empire State Building and then over Ground Zero. I haven't been to NYC since 1999. I keep thinking MacTroll and I should go for a long weekend, but then the moment passes. (By the way, my husband who hates to shop anywhere that's not the Gap Outlet Store in Tuscola, CLEANED up shopping on Fifth Avenue in 1999. I was shocked. I guess when you have store after store after store you're excited about new duds. I don't know what the difference was between that and the fact that we lived two miles from Tyson's Corner in Northern Virginia with most of the same stores, but hey, I'm all for people finding things they like in stores.)

LaGuardia Airport is also undergoing renovations. It's an armpit of an airport. I hate any airport where you have to LEAVE security to get to another terminal. That's just asking for trouble. Plus, the gate agent and the people leaving on the 11:55 a.m. flight to Chicago (I went out on the next one), were extremely rude. They were calling people by their group numbers to board, but people kept trying to bud in and board out of order, and the agent kept sending them away to wait their turns. Plus, then they'd all crowd in so the people being called couldn't get to the jetbridge. MacTroll informs me that these people are called "gate lice."

So the AA agent gets on and in much nicer words than these admonishes the folks for not listening and basically calls them stupid and impatient. It was awesome. There was also some psycho girl who kept talking about all the stars her Dad helps out because he runs a bodyguard business in Manhattan. An older man who was taking a call about my hometown Rockford and then realized the entire gate could hear him and suddenly got all paranoid -- while he was being super loud. Then there was the drug user, former Harvard student who was sitting next to me talking to her brother in Chicago about a mess of dumb ass things. It was awesome. I put some of the quotes up on Facebook. It had been awhile since that much random crazy had been within 10 feet of me.

As it turns out my 1:35 flight to Chicago was much less crazy. Although it did have a couple assholes on it who were, not a surprise, both sitting next to me. You know the kind. The plane door has closed, we're taxiing to the runway, the announcement has been made to put away electronic devices -- and one asshole is still texting and the other is still talking -- loudly on his phone. So the flight attendant has to ask -- twice. And then just before we're turning to take off has to literally scold them into putting them away.

In Chicago, it was business as usual. I picked up a salad at CIBO Express with some flavored water and sat down at G19A to eat it. Then we boarded the plane to Champaign. Again, nothing special, until we were getting out bags off the baggage claim and suddenly shouting happens. A young man had just returned from two weeks in some kind of military program. A group of people were there to meet him (although he was really confused as to how to exit the Champaign airport from the gates -- which is weird because there are only 4 gates and one security hallway in the whole airport). Anyway, down at the baggage claim the kid's mother starts SCREAMING that this girl that she doesn't know is trying to turn her son against his own mother. The son is walking away from her embarrassed. Then the girl starts to shout at the mother. The mother shouts back. Then the son says, "I'm gone for two weeks and this shit is still going on?" And he walks out of the airport. Everyone at the baggage claim looks dumbfounded and then they start to laugh, because what the hell else do you do when weird talk-show-esque fights erupt in public. How odd.

Tonight, we have a special guest at our house. Bubba came over and he and X-man have been playing cars and Batman and Transformers all night while they eat pizza, watch movies and share 3D Super Mario Gummis. Bubba was totally awesome about clean up, and he only admonished MacTroll a bit when he missed a spot of pizza sauce during his wipe down of the table. But he was ever so polite about it.

Quigs will also be glad to know that it's God that saves Hiccup in How to Save Your Dragon. :-) Toothless is apparently part of the Lord's Army.

I'll have pre-school graduation show movies at some point, but MacTroll apparently didn't move his butt to the right side of the room when he filmed it with his iPhone (He took the camera, but didn't realize the battery was in the charger.) and so most of the films and photos are of the rest of the class and the top of X-man's head on the other side of the room.

But getting back to where I started from -- MacTroll travels 10-13 days a month. Do you know how much crazy he could capture at airports during that time? He could totally put a book together and sell it on Amazon.

Oh, and still no definitive word on Riley. Our vet had some questions that she didn't get from the radiologist, so we'll find out on Monday, or if she calls/e-mails earlier once she hears from him. He's eaten by himself today and is able to walk around okay on flat surfaces. I'll be spending the night on the couch downstairs just in case he needs to get up in the middle of the night. MacTroll's been doing it since I was gone, so it's only fair that it's my turn.