Winter Wonderland

Today, 3/4 of the Illinois Marathon Relay Team and I decided that running outdoors in 5 inches of snow was not our style. Instead, we took Special K to breakfast at Le Peep. I was one of the first cars to leave my subdivision and plow through the blanket of snow that quieted Savoy. Then it was great to sit down with a cup of tea and some fruit and yogurt and chat for an hour.

When I got home, I started cooking a beef stew for lunch. Then while it was cooking for 2 hours, X-man, MacTroll and I headed out to begin the snow removal process. X-man and I had shovels. MacTroll had our electric snowthrower.

Once X-man and I finished the front walk, we made snow angels and threw snow at Riley (who goes bonkers in it) and then we pulled out the sled and took a very long walk around the neighborhood. Of course, halfway around, X-man started crying that his gloves were wet and his hands were cold. But, of course, he wouldn't wear mine. Then when I convinced him that we'd be home soon, I got 1/2 way down the next street on the return trip only to have him start crying as the wind pelted him in the face with large flakes of snow.

"Mommy, go home. I need to warm up!"

Yeah, um, that's where we were going.

Inside, MacTroll devoured the stew (minus the mushrooms). X-man wouldn't touch it. He's more of a fruit and bread guy rather than a meat and potato kid. Now I'm about to get ready to head to the rec center for a run while the boys play the Wii.

But really, I just want to put my head down and nap. It's that kind of afternoon. :-)

A Wii 47, a mouse's ass and a giant grocery bill

MacTroll got the family a Wii for Christmas. He picked up the sports edition and then went out tonight with X-man and found an I Spy game. I'm pretty sure the boys played it the entire time I cleaned out the fridge, put the dishes away, ate my dinner (I do not suggest the 200 calorie DiGiorno's -- they're tiny and stupid. I finished off a trial pizza to get it out of my fridge.), cleaned out X-man's toy bin, took the garbage out, did the laundry, went grocery shopping, put away the groceries and checked my e-mail. Then after X-man was asleep we did the Fit portion of the Sports section... MacTroll got a 36 (he's 34) -- and I got a 47 (I'm 33). The whole time we're playing we can hear Luke wrestling with a mouse. By the time we checked on him, Maya was in on the action. And, um, when she's hungry -- she eats them. Apparently, she was famished. So, MacTroll ended up cleaning some blood and a mouse butt and tail up off the floor tonight.

KTDID, MacTroll and I had cleared our refrigerator of all the "old food" before Christmas. It was crazy leftover week that whole week, pretty much. So, we were out of everything. I tried not to have a heart attack when I paid for the total. It was laundry detergent, a few things of meat, LOTS of fresh fruits and vegetables for the garden lasagna I'm making tomorrow night. Even with sales and coupons, it was still cringe worthy.

I didn't get to run on Christmas Eve day due to the ice storm hitting Rockford. But I did do 3 miles on Christmas Day. One of the miles was more like ice skating around Anna Page Park. Then today, when we got back home, MacTroll dropped me off at the Savoy Rec Center and I decided to music intervals for 60 minutes. It felt nice to just move that long. It feels nice to get to the end of 60 minutes and know you could go longer. Sure, it's not the fastest way to move, but I've never been very great at being competitive, even with myself.

The holiday went okay. I hadn't been home on Christmas Day in 3 years, so it'd been a while since anyone had seen or talked to me outside of my immediate family. I'm not a big group person. I do much better in small groups. Being around 21 people on Christmas Day completely wore me out. And I didn't really talk to most of them. I was either with X-man (who was also overwhelmed) or I was talking with my Mom or trying to help Barbara with the clean up.

I did avoid the dessert table, minus 3 turtles that I ate, which is good because there were 6 different kinds of dessert! I avoided the stuffing. One third of my plate was green salad, the other third was a vegetable mix. I had around 3 oz of white meat turkey (no gravy), one whole wheat roll and about 1/4 cup of roasted potatoes with mushrooms and brie. My appetizers included 8 - 1/2 oz shrimp, 3 black olives, 2 small rye breadsticks, 4 almonds, 2 cashews, 2 diet cokes and a Fiber One bar (to keep from snacking -- supposedly).

I know what I ate, but I haven't added up the calorie estimate. I'm pretty sure, it's going to be way too much for any running I do to make Monday's weigh in a success. I feel like where I was last week -- kind of stuck in a maze. I think I know the way out and then I turn a corner and am at the beginning of the maze again.

Packing

I'm staring at the closet wondering what to wear to Christmas. I have to pack for myself and X-man today. Then I need to load up the car with the overnight bags and presents. But I'm not in the mood. I think it's the weather. Waking up to a cold rain, a sore lower back and wobbly knees made me decide that after yesterday's reintroduction to swimming, I needed a break today. But it also means that I'll need to exercise for 45 minutes both tomorrow and Friday.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season. MacTroll and I will be spending Dec. 30-Jan 2. in Chicago as a couple. So think good thoughts for my Dad while he and Barbara have X-man for 3 1/2 days. X-man is just a giant ball of emotions these days. So we'll see how they all fair.

As for me, I better get to it. Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!

Wonderful Weather

Like many of the people I know, we're driving to spend the holiday at relatives. And the Weather Channel is creating a lot of panic regarding some ugly freezing rain that Mother Nature is apparently sending our way in the next few days. And I know that if it's too dangerous to leave, we'll be staying here, but I also know that the Weather Channel is rarely timely about when things will happen.

Mostly, since I'm leaving on Thursday, I'm hoping whatever ugliness happens occurs tonight so it can be salted and cleaned up by the time I leave on the 24th. This, of course, helps no one who is leaving tomorrow. I also hope that those that are already on the road going longer distances than my short 3-hour trek to Rockyford are able to travel safely throughout their journey.

I know I have no control over weather (although from time to time X-man orders me to make it stop raining or to warm it up or cool the weather down). Instead, I'm concentrating on the feeling that's just now coming over me. I was afraid it would never get here. The wonder and kindness of Christmas. The enjoyment of those I love. The pleasure of spending time with them. I also find it awesome that MacTroll will have NO work to do between Christmas Eve and Jan. 3. We've missed him around here. And we're happy to finally get to spend some time together.

Motivation

I keep thinking about what a spoiled woman I am. How I keep working at self improvement trying to become a better woman, better friend, better lover, better student, better mother... I know that other people face much steeper hills to climb. They were not born with the same advantages that I was. And yet, often times, I still feel like I'm about to drown, like I'm coughing up water and worn out. Worse yet, I feel all alone.

Then something good happens. And I recognize it as a positive, but the brilliance of it is dimmed by my doubt, worry and my lack of self esteem. How can I possibly be the bad ass they say I am when I feel so small and fragile? How can I project that persona when all I feel is a void?

I lower my eyes so I don't do that wicked thing -- comparing. I lower my eyes so I don't have to engage. I sit in the shadow of those who recognize the brightness of their own lights because I am happy that they glow. They're warm and encouraging people to be around.

But most of the time, I don't feel like I have that glow inside. Most of the time, I feel like a big fraud. Most of the time, I understand that the only thing holding me together is the wee bad ass Looseyfur, deep inside, shouting at the top of her lungs that she exists, like some kind of Who from Whoville.

She is part of my brain. She is my favorite part of me. She knows she's not perfect, but she understands herself and others for who they really are. And for her, I will endure and fight and adapt. For her voice raises me in the morning and comforts me at night. She is the necessary spark that will light my flame.

The vocabulary is growin'

X-man's usual learning curve on words has reached a new level. He now wants to put random words and sounds together to be funny. He's also obsessed with words about pottying.

Yesterday at the library, we ran into one of his friends from school. Turtle E was lying down on the puppet theater at the Champaign Public Library. X-man noticed him, ran up, kissed him on forehead and said, "How's it goin' Butthead?"

My head sunk into my hand, and I hoped Turtle E's grandmother and brother couldn't determine what he said. I tried not to over react and give the word power. If he knows I don't want him to say it, he's so much more likely to use it. Because clearly he showed great affection for Turtle E. I think he just thought it was a funny word to say.

Then today in the car on the way to Target, X-man dropped his sticky fruit roll-up (last time I buy those) on his coat. "Oh crap!" He used it appropriately, but when I asked him why he said it, he couldn't really figure out an answer. I guess it just comes naturally.

So, if your ears are a bit sensitive to certain words, you may want to steer clear of X-man for a while. Because I literally have no idea what he's going to say. I can promise you that we're trying to teach him not to use words toward people in a hateful way. No name calling out of anger, fear or bullying. I think here -- he actually meant Butthead as a pet name.

Recovery

36 hours after I started taking the z pack, I feel almost downright human again -- just in time for the weekend!

I knew I was feeling better when I went to an appointment today and was eavesdropping on a woman trying to convey the top 4 reasons why she should change from a hospitality degree at Parkland to becoming a registered dietician. It was fascinating, until she repeated her argument a third time and the man she was with still just looked at her like she hadn't said anything at all.

My favorite was where she talked about how a lot of the courses for hospitality crossed over with the dietician ones. (She listed gen ed requirements like a math and an English 101.) Then she said she thought she'd be able to handle the math in the sciences now as an adult so much better than she could in high school.

That statement hit on a fantasy of mine. I hated math in high school. A long time ago, I thought it might actually be fun to start in a basic algebra class (like the one I took in 8th grade and got a B and then retook in 9th grade after 8 weeks of getting a D in College algebra -- got an A in regular Algebra -- and two years later still got a D in College Algebra).

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to start over again and just work my way through Algebra, Geometry, College Algebra, Trigonometry, Calculus, etc. Just to see that I can do it. Kind of like losing the weight, it would be proof that I could do something that I thought I'd never be able to do.

And if I could do it -- giant confidence boost.

Of course, I'm not sure where she got her info that it would only take 4 more courses from her hospitality degree to become a registered dietician and that she'd make $90k... I'm sure my health educator at Carle would be completely stoked if she could make $90k as a nutritionist in this area -- and she has a master's degree.