This year most of MacTroll's family came to our house for Christmas. Since we plan on putting the house up for sale in March and hope to move to California this summer (barring any ugly, national financial issues) it's likely to be the last Christmas in a house that can hold nine extra people.
It was super fun to see the family and for X-man to have kids around. He was so excited about it that he couldn't spend the night in the tent with his cousins. He said it was too hard to shut his brain down, so he spent the night on my yoga mat in his Buzz Lightyear sleeping bag on the floor of our room. We've been getting him to bed by 9:30 every night, with his usual 30-45 minutes of reading stories time, so we're not doing too bad.
Lily, on the other hand, was flabbergasted by all the people. I have nieces and nephews that are quiet steppers. Unlike my family, who are all loud steppers. So, children would arise and come upstairs for breakfast and Lily would freak out. "Where did you come from? Have I met you?" Bark, bark, bark. Then she'd sniff them and they'd pet her and she'd remember and calm down. But five unknown kids and four unknown adults makes things interesting for her. Plus, none of them have dogs, so they totally took her for a lot of walks, which she appreciated.
My father-in-law wrote a book about his many years working for Caterpillar. He asked me to proofread it so I started on the preface this morning after the family all left. It's a memoir, so it reads very easily.
X-man had only one real setback this Christmas, when miracle upon miracle, I was able to find a white Wii U. I ordered it online from Toys R Us. It came, X-man opened a Wii U game first and said, "Wait! We don't have a Wii U." Then he looked at me, ran back to pick up the heavy box, unwrapped it and started to hug it and repeated "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Great! Awesome! Except when MacTroll took it downstairs, it didn't work. We tried a few things and then he went upstairs to look online. Blinking blue light = Wii U D.O.A.
Lots of disappointment. But my Dad did get X-man a copy of Lego Star Wars Clone Wars III for the Wii. And we just popped that in. And any disappointment seemed to lessen.
I think Nintendo was happy MacTroll waited two days before calling their customer support line, too. We have to send the console back in and they're sending us a new one. But I think the guy on the other end was glad there wasn't a verbally abusive parent with a sobbing kid in the background (or lots of kids.)
Overall, it was a very enjoyable Christmas. I have lots of good books to read and a new fuzzy robe. And I also get to start on doing the paint touch ups on the house and finish up getting ready to sell. It's coming so quickly now.
I'm really kind of excited -- and nervous!
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Sunday, December 23, 2012
The Skinny and the Fat
In case you didn't know, I sometimes, to take my mind off of the real world, read People.com. I giggle and laugh a lot at what people find newsy or interesting. The obsession with the royal family, that Honey Boo Boo child and, of course, any new hook up or break up. It feels like fantasy.
But another element of People that has always bugged me has been the size of people. And what I don't understand is how People can go on and on about how thin Matthew McConaughey has gotten for his movie role as a person living with AIDS and be blind to how they praise women for that which they illicit concern when it comes to men.
Apparently for men this is okay:
But another element of People that has always bugged me has been the size of people. And what I don't understand is how People can go on and on about how thin Matthew McConaughey has gotten for his movie role as a person living with AIDS and be blind to how they praise women for that which they illicit concern when it comes to men.
Apparently for men this is okay:
But this dramatic change is not.
But for women, the norm is this:
In all honesty, I get excited when I see women who look more like this:
They're fit. Crazy fit. And I can't wait to get my foot back so I can be that way again, too. Because holy cow, has my body had enough of sitting. And I want to wear my old pants again.
So as we get closer and closer to me going back to a regular life, I am getting excited. I start to see my friend Kari for workouts on Tuesday and Thursdays. I still go to Physical Therapy on Tuesdays and Fridays. I work on Mondays and Wednesdays. I attend Rotary and volunteer at Carrie Busey on Thursdays. My weeks will be full again. And I am so excited to get my life back.
Friday, December 21, 2012
"Caroling is Overwhelming"
Last night, the first graders at Carrie Busey Elementary School had a holiday concert, where they sang carols. They asked us to be there by 5:30 p.m. So we were on time, but I had a feeling getting there 30 minutes before the concert began was going to be a problem. X-man was amped and ready to go the minute he went in the doors. But there was nothing for the kids do until the concert started at 6 p.m., and since we were in the gym, they felt like running. So a slew of kids started a game of tag. He stopped twice to hug both of his first grade teachers.
About 5:50 p.m. some kids started getting lined up on the riser. X-man figured no adult had told him to stop playing, so he kept running.
The next thing we knew, he was sitting on the ground between the two audience areas crying. This is not unusual for events like this. They're really not built to be successful for children with social anxiety issues. I guess one of his friends said something about how it was time for him to stop running and to sit down. X-man inferred that what he was doing was bad. So he cried. He doesn't want to be bad. He was having fun. How can having fun with his friends make him bad?
He crawled up in my lap, but it wasn't making him feel better. I noticed Awesome's Mom had moved from her folding chair seat to the wall on the far side of the gym. Awesome wasn't sure if he wanted to sing or not. So, I headed over there with X-man. The music teacher starting singing songs with some musical friends, and X-man got upset that they'd have to wait even longer to go up there. He started crying again. "Why are they singing at our concert? Why do we have to wait more? I'm so tired."
X-man told me he was suddenly scared to go up there. He was afraid of all the cameras. What if he got nervous and started to cry again and all the cameras took pictures of him crying? Then he noticed that the smartboard with the lyrics didn't have the lyrics on them like it was supposed to, and he cried about that. The principal went to see if he could fix that for him (because like most people, if there's something that can be done, he's the kind of guy that will totally "make it so.")
He missed two songs. "I practiced so hard, Mommy. I want to sing those songs." He started to cry again. I told him that we could go home or he could show me what he practiced and sing in my lap or he could give standing up there a try for at least one song. He wasn't sure. He tried to take me with him. But then changed his mind. That's when one of his teachers, Mrs. Cabutti, came over and backed me up. He hugged me and I walked him to the edge of the audience. Then he ran up there and waved me back to the wall.
Like a trooper, he sang the whole concert staring at the lyric board reading along. If it got off track, he'd try to look up to the words on the screen projected on the wall for the audience to sing along. He put up his hand a time or two to block out some of the people with their cameras out to help him not be so afraid. You could tell he was nervous, but he was rallying.
And then something unexpected happened. A first grader's little brother climbed up on the risers next to X-man. X-man thought this was pretty adorable. He likes the unexpected. He kept his eye on him and tried to help him out. He figured he just wanted to sing, too. He even picked him up once, wondering if he could return him to his mother or if it was okay for him to stay. :-)
Besides crying, the other way I know X-man is working on emotions in his brain is that he chews on everything. His sleeves were in his mouth most of the night. He seeks sensory feedback when he's anxious, it's also when he has most of his sensory sensitivities (shoes or socks are uncomfortable, itchy underwear, etc.)
But at the end of singing, "All I Want for Christmas Are My Two Front Teeth," He turned and smiled right at me (MacTroll took the photos). It was awesome. I applauded very loudly at the end of each song. I was so proud of him for overcoming his fears and getting up there, and Mrs. Cabutti was, too.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Sad Mama
You know, I have moms that I love. There are kids that I love. And I knew early on when I was touring the "Mom" groups that there was probably going to be a time when I was going to love a mom and not be so wild about her kid or I was going to love a kid and not be so wild about her mom.
But never did I think that the situation was going to be me being wild about someone's kid AND her mom, but having the two kids suddenly not get a long. It's not one child's fault over the other. They just suddenly started bickering like Statler and Waldorf, except they started getting after each other rather than other people. I talked to MacTroll and X-man about it and then I called my friend to see if she was noticing it, too. I asked if she thought the kids needed a break because they see each other every day. And she agreed.
I really like X-man's friend and his parents, but together, right now, the kids are not getting along, and the other mom hit a nail on the head when she said, "I don't want to force them to be together if they're not getting along and are both miserable."
My hope is that after break, one of them will ask for a play date. But we both agreed it should be on their terms.
But when I hung up the phone, I felt like I'd done the right thing, but I still felt really sad. I think the other mom felt that way, too.
But never did I think that the situation was going to be me being wild about someone's kid AND her mom, but having the two kids suddenly not get a long. It's not one child's fault over the other. They just suddenly started bickering like Statler and Waldorf, except they started getting after each other rather than other people. I talked to MacTroll and X-man about it and then I called my friend to see if she was noticing it, too. I asked if she thought the kids needed a break because they see each other every day. And she agreed.
I really like X-man's friend and his parents, but together, right now, the kids are not getting along, and the other mom hit a nail on the head when she said, "I don't want to force them to be together if they're not getting along and are both miserable."
My hope is that after break, one of them will ask for a play date. But we both agreed it should be on their terms.
But when I hung up the phone, I felt like I'd done the right thing, but I still felt really sad. I think the other mom felt that way, too.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Are Mass Shootings America's Version of Suicide Bombings?
I was at my son's school on Friday while everything in Connecticut was going down. I was delivering flowers to his teachers as a thank you for the holiday. I talked with his principal, but I had no idea about what was happening out east. I am not addicted to my phone or searching for news on it, so I was clueless. Another parent was waiting for her daughter. We were both in the hallway in silence and then suddenly she said, "It's just terrible about those children in Connecticut."
She told me what happened. Then her daughter showed up and they left. I gathered Capt. J and X-man and lead them out to the car. I dropped Capt. J off and then went home. I read the news, watched Obama's comment and let X-man watch. He saw the president cry and he wanted to hug him to make him feel better. We both agreed that it was a sad, sad event. The last thing I read was a story where the idea that the shooter was rumored by family friends to have had Asperger's was brought up.
And then I went on media lockdown. I was angry that something like a medical diagnosis like that was linked, and I knew autism groups far and wide would be jumping all over how many reasons that was irresponsible journalism. I didn't want to hear people argue about how terribly we care for the mentally ill in our country or how weapons that shoot as many bullets as the guns he took into the school are unnecessary while others think they are for their Second Amendment rights. And, forgive me, I can't look at the faces of those other six and seven year olds who were slaughtered or the teachers and principals that ran into harms way to try to protect them.
I don't like to think of teachers as first responders. I don't want to hear arguments about how they should have to carry weapons to work with children.
When I do think of something like that happening at the school I returned to teach in on Monday morning, you know what I think about? I think about how many of my two year olds I could hide in a closet with and how in the world would I get them to be quiet in a lockdown situation. How would I hide their faces if we were confronted by a gunman, so they wouldn't have to see the anger in a shooter's eyes.
I think about never seeing my family again. And about all those people who won't see their children again. I get quite emotional.
I remember that areas of the world, particularly in Europe and the Middle East where these kinds of senseless killings of innocent people have been going on for 2,000 years.
Today, I read the paper for the first time since Friday and found this. It kind of summarizes how I've been thinking. In my head, I know that we are safer now than we were 30 years ago when it comes to violent homicide. I also know that as many children in Chicago are killed with more frequency than what happened in Connecticut. But the actions of those that hurt there seem bigger to me. I guess that's true ever since Jonesboro. Maybe I'm paying more attention now than I did to violence when I was a child. Either way, I don't think madness can be controlled.
What I do know is that I don't want bars on my school's windows and armed guards at the door. It's the same way I felt flying in and out of National Airport after 9/11 and seeing giant military thugs with huge guns placed there for "security." I resented it. Just like I resented driving by an anti-aircraft gun on my way to work every morning past the Pentagon. I'm angry it happened. I grieve for those lost.
I'm also pretty sure that if we added up the number of Americans murdered by mass shootings and compared it to the number of people murdered by friends and family members, the violent tendencies of the people we know would out number strangers a great deal.
I once told X-man that the odds of him getting bitten by a shark in the ocean (which he is afraid of) are smaller than the chances of him getting hit by lightning (which he's not afraid of).
I know it to be true, but why does seeing the shark fear in his face about it instantly make me worry, too?
I guess I wish math was more comforting than the power of a distressed imagination and the "what if."
Does that make any sense?
She told me what happened. Then her daughter showed up and they left. I gathered Capt. J and X-man and lead them out to the car. I dropped Capt. J off and then went home. I read the news, watched Obama's comment and let X-man watch. He saw the president cry and he wanted to hug him to make him feel better. We both agreed that it was a sad, sad event. The last thing I read was a story where the idea that the shooter was rumored by family friends to have had Asperger's was brought up.
And then I went on media lockdown. I was angry that something like a medical diagnosis like that was linked, and I knew autism groups far and wide would be jumping all over how many reasons that was irresponsible journalism. I didn't want to hear people argue about how terribly we care for the mentally ill in our country or how weapons that shoot as many bullets as the guns he took into the school are unnecessary while others think they are for their Second Amendment rights. And, forgive me, I can't look at the faces of those other six and seven year olds who were slaughtered or the teachers and principals that ran into harms way to try to protect them.
I don't like to think of teachers as first responders. I don't want to hear arguments about how they should have to carry weapons to work with children.
When I do think of something like that happening at the school I returned to teach in on Monday morning, you know what I think about? I think about how many of my two year olds I could hide in a closet with and how in the world would I get them to be quiet in a lockdown situation. How would I hide their faces if we were confronted by a gunman, so they wouldn't have to see the anger in a shooter's eyes.
I think about never seeing my family again. And about all those people who won't see their children again. I get quite emotional.
I remember that areas of the world, particularly in Europe and the Middle East where these kinds of senseless killings of innocent people have been going on for 2,000 years.
Today, I read the paper for the first time since Friday and found this. It kind of summarizes how I've been thinking. In my head, I know that we are safer now than we were 30 years ago when it comes to violent homicide. I also know that as many children in Chicago are killed with more frequency than what happened in Connecticut. But the actions of those that hurt there seem bigger to me. I guess that's true ever since Jonesboro. Maybe I'm paying more attention now than I did to violence when I was a child. Either way, I don't think madness can be controlled.
What I do know is that I don't want bars on my school's windows and armed guards at the door. It's the same way I felt flying in and out of National Airport after 9/11 and seeing giant military thugs with huge guns placed there for "security." I resented it. Just like I resented driving by an anti-aircraft gun on my way to work every morning past the Pentagon. I'm angry it happened. I grieve for those lost.
I'm also pretty sure that if we added up the number of Americans murdered by mass shootings and compared it to the number of people murdered by friends and family members, the violent tendencies of the people we know would out number strangers a great deal.
I once told X-man that the odds of him getting bitten by a shark in the ocean (which he is afraid of) are smaller than the chances of him getting hit by lightning (which he's not afraid of).
I know it to be true, but why does seeing the shark fear in his face about it instantly make me worry, too?
I guess I wish math was more comforting than the power of a distressed imagination and the "what if."
Does that make any sense?
Monday, December 17, 2012
Reuse!
When X-man was a baby, he had a lot of funny onesies. He grew so terribly fast that he was only in 0-3 month clothing for around 6 weeks. But that's what happens when you come out over 10 lbs, right?
Anyway, I found a woman online and she made a small, decorative quilt for me to hang up on the wall. To this day, I have never hung that quilt. I've never found a modern looking rod system to put it up on. And it's a pretty awesome looking quilt.
As it turns out, my closet was getting full of race shirts I felt stupid wearing because I haven't been able to really run since Spring 2011. It made me feel terrible to look at them. So I got them together, along with a bunch of other t-shirts and outfits from MacTroll and X-man and set them in to the woman again. I was sad to learn, while she had the items for my quilt, that she was going to stop quilting after my project because she had a new full-time job.
But she totally rocked this quilt. It's a functional bed quilt, rather than a decorative one. But I love looking at all the pieces! (I don't sew, but I think it's awesome! So many memories.)
Anyway, I found a woman online and she made a small, decorative quilt for me to hang up on the wall. To this day, I have never hung that quilt. I've never found a modern looking rod system to put it up on. And it's a pretty awesome looking quilt.
As it turns out, my closet was getting full of race shirts I felt stupid wearing because I haven't been able to really run since Spring 2011. It made me feel terrible to look at them. So I got them together, along with a bunch of other t-shirts and outfits from MacTroll and X-man and set them in to the woman again. I was sad to learn, while she had the items for my quilt, that she was going to stop quilting after my project because she had a new full-time job.
But she totally rocked this quilt. It's a functional bed quilt, rather than a decorative one. But I love looking at all the pieces! (I don't sew, but I think it's awesome! So many memories.)
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Cooking, Walking, Reading, Cleaning, Playing, Partying, Cooking (again)
I usually like to rest on Sunday, but today is an activity Sunday. I woke up this morning and loaded 1/2 cup of water, 4 chopped up turnips and one whole head of cauliflower into my slow cooker. Around dinner time, I will be mashing it into "Faux Mashed Potatoes." This week, I gave up my bi-weekly purchase of a small tub of Brummel and Brown for a small tub of Earth Balance vegan spread. I also made french toast out of the Vegan Yum Yum book for the boys and I this morning. I'm trying to take steps to embrace my impending change from a lacto-ova vegetarian to an ova vegetarian. This basically means that I am a vegetable/fruit/grain eater who also eats eggs and honey. Because my body has decided to get rid of dairy.
I've changed the oatmeal I use for breakfast in the morning. I started exploring the Amy's freezer case for quick meals on the run (since I'm working on M/W this week and will be going back to the pre-school two days a week in January -- whenever they need me. Amy wasn't sure if I'd be in a classroom, floating or subbing, so we'll see as it gets closer).
After cooking, I took Lily for a walk around the lake at Colbert Park. It's my practice walking on uneven surfaces because the path is gravel. It was hard to walk heel to toe like I'm supposed to concentrate on, so when we were done around the lake, we walked an extra 1/2 mile around the block on flat surfaces, so I could make sure that I was hitting the ground with my heel on my bad foot and pushing off with my toe. I found out why my body doesn't naturally do this any more -- it hurts in the joint at the ball of my tiniest toe. This makes sense because it's where the peroneal tendons run... but when I do walk on it correctly on flat surfaces -- it crunches like crazy. And it both feels good and kind of burns/pinches. Almost like it's stuck from non-use. So, I guess we'll be working on that joint's mobility on Tuesday.
I'm currently reading "Work Hard. Be Nice" by Jay Mathews. A book about two Teach for America teachers who are re-inventing education for children who live in poverty -- and are getting some amazing results. I'm only able to fit in a chapter here and there, but it's invigorating as a parent and as an educator.
Today is conquer the laundry mountain day. Clean sheets for everyone!
Today at 2 p.m. Awesome is coming over to play with X-man. MacTroll is going to hang out with them if they decide to play the Wii. X-man is usually a pretty good teacher, but he could use a reminder here and there about being a positive coach rather than a, "Hey, do you want me to use your remote to do that for you?" kind of person.
At 4 p.m., MacTroll and I are wandering across the street to a holiday open house for one of our new neighbors. According to my Christmas card from my aunt, the woman used to be her college roommate. We have a babysitter coming from 4-5:30 p.m. because it's an adult-only thing. What will I wear? I'm guessing my current wardrobe mixing my "Fat Ass" sweatpants and Zella zip up hobo-sleeved sweatshirt isn't ideal. Alas, I lack Christmas sweaters. :-)
Then KTDID is coming over and we are going to make some black bean burgers that we can both freeze and eat as we need at our homes.
My goal was to get some things hung up on our walls today, but MacTroll seems -- unmotivated to do anything but sit in bed and go to the gym at noon. He's home from now until the end of the first week in January. That's 3 weeks. We're pretty happy about it.
I've changed the oatmeal I use for breakfast in the morning. I started exploring the Amy's freezer case for quick meals on the run (since I'm working on M/W this week and will be going back to the pre-school two days a week in January -- whenever they need me. Amy wasn't sure if I'd be in a classroom, floating or subbing, so we'll see as it gets closer).
After cooking, I took Lily for a walk around the lake at Colbert Park. It's my practice walking on uneven surfaces because the path is gravel. It was hard to walk heel to toe like I'm supposed to concentrate on, so when we were done around the lake, we walked an extra 1/2 mile around the block on flat surfaces, so I could make sure that I was hitting the ground with my heel on my bad foot and pushing off with my toe. I found out why my body doesn't naturally do this any more -- it hurts in the joint at the ball of my tiniest toe. This makes sense because it's where the peroneal tendons run... but when I do walk on it correctly on flat surfaces -- it crunches like crazy. And it both feels good and kind of burns/pinches. Almost like it's stuck from non-use. So, I guess we'll be working on that joint's mobility on Tuesday.
I'm currently reading "Work Hard. Be Nice" by Jay Mathews. A book about two Teach for America teachers who are re-inventing education for children who live in poverty -- and are getting some amazing results. I'm only able to fit in a chapter here and there, but it's invigorating as a parent and as an educator.
Today is conquer the laundry mountain day. Clean sheets for everyone!
Today at 2 p.m. Awesome is coming over to play with X-man. MacTroll is going to hang out with them if they decide to play the Wii. X-man is usually a pretty good teacher, but he could use a reminder here and there about being a positive coach rather than a, "Hey, do you want me to use your remote to do that for you?" kind of person.
At 4 p.m., MacTroll and I are wandering across the street to a holiday open house for one of our new neighbors. According to my Christmas card from my aunt, the woman used to be her college roommate. We have a babysitter coming from 4-5:30 p.m. because it's an adult-only thing. What will I wear? I'm guessing my current wardrobe mixing my "Fat Ass" sweatpants and Zella zip up hobo-sleeved sweatshirt isn't ideal. Alas, I lack Christmas sweaters. :-)
Then KTDID is coming over and we are going to make some black bean burgers that we can both freeze and eat as we need at our homes.
My goal was to get some things hung up on our walls today, but MacTroll seems -- unmotivated to do anything but sit in bed and go to the gym at noon. He's home from now until the end of the first week in January. That's 3 weeks. We're pretty happy about it.
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