Monday, September 26, 2011

Mirrors

Tonight, after my child had a tantrum of XL proportions about something at bedtime, I declared it facial mask and teeth whitening night. I don't know why. Maybe because when I felt better about myself, I used to do it once a week. You know, back in the days when my foot wasn't broken, when I wasn't eating myself into oblivion, and when I had a sense of time management about my days...

Yeah, I know, chronic pain sucks. Yeah, I know, I should cut myself a break. But the truth is, as I was staring myself down in the mirror noticing that my strong arms have gone to jelly in the last few weeks, and my thighs and hips are rounder rather than strong that maybe I was just never that girl.

I'm this girl. The one that gets smacked in the head by a handicapped side after fracturing her foot while running on completely flat ground. The one who trips up the stairs. The one who doesn't wear make up and pretty much thinks it's okay to wear jeans or warm up pants to all occasions. I have crappy skin and I don't wear make up. I'd rather go to baseball game than the ballet. And I'd rather work with two year olds than adults who act like two year olds.

Maybe this is me. If so, who was that girl who was here before. Was she just visiting? I'm not mourning her. I'm just wondering if she was dropping by for a visit, or if she's just buried under all the crap.

1 comment:

Debra said...

Did that girl cover her up? Because that is the person I have always seen you as. You can be YOU in any body and you will be amazing. But you made these changes for a reason and those reasons still matter to you.