When 5 pounds becomes 15

Part of this whole healthy living journey has been a blessing. Every body likes to watch someone transform and accomplish something good for themselves. Some people use other people's successes as motivation, some people use it to beat themselves up. I guess it's part of the human condition. Joy, celebration, envy, jealousy, relief, stress... but at the same time, I'm feeling rather disappointed in myself because it's not like I don't know what to do, but putting my head in the game and getting on top of the issue feels a lot like being in the garbage compacter in Star Wars. The walls are closing in, there's a monster ready to suck me under down below and damn it, I'm wearing a long white dress and no bra. I guess it's good that at least my hair is up, right?

I've never been very comfortable with the idea of being a role model about anything in my life. And for a while, I'd tell my story, but people like weight loss stories to have a beginning and end, hence the success of The Biggest Loser. They like to watch someone literally transform into someone else. And then there are those folks, the Eeyore's of the crowd, that tune into the after articles or interviews with the folks who started gaining it back the minute they walked off the farm or ranch or whatever the hell they call it. So they can point and say, "See, it doesn't matter."

For some people, weight is nothing big. They like how they are. Me, I like fitting into my pants. And I haven't for a while. And I'm starting to look absurd in my stretchy clothes. I've also been avoiding going to my meetings out of shame. Nice, right? How can the thing designed to help you stay on track help you if you don't attend. Clearly, what I know is the right thing to do and what I'm actually doing do not line up.

And as sad as it is, my motivation to keep on top of things came from something in the Uncommon Goods catalog I got in the mail today.

"Fall seven times. Stand up eight." -- Japanese Proverb

Food plan is taped to the refrigerator door. Weighted vest is out for my walk after I drop off X-man at Lego Camp at the Savoy Recreation Center. Day 1 at 11 a.m. -- and so far so good. But I might need to check in on here with folks to keep myself going. Because lately, I'm fine through Thursday, and then I fall off the wagon. Let's see if I can fit back in my pants by the time the weather cools in October. Nice and easy -- five lbs at a time.

But I could use a lot of hugs of positivity...