The Way It Is

I first met MacTroll in 1992 at Yearbook camp. We were in Iowa City. We were from two different towns in Illinois that were (if I drove the farm roads at 100 mph) 2 hours apart. We figured we didn't stand a chance, and we weren't looking for one another. But we really fell hard. And that deep felt understanding and similar big picture ideals has gotten us through a lot. It's certainly gotten us through nearly 20 years of togetherness, even though, for all intensive purposes our relationship has been based on "separateness."

That is, my significant other and I have spent significantly more nights under separate roofs than under the same roof in our two decades.

It's the same, just different.

I know couples that can't exist day-to-day without being around each other. I know a couple who, when a wife tried to take a weekend with a friend, locked himself out of the house, lost a video on the drive to the Blockbuster, and set a kitchen fire. She said she'd never go anywhere again.

I know women who make plans with me only to change them at the drop of a hat for their boyfriends or significant others. Before X-man this made me outraged. Now, I realize he's the man I drop things for...It's the same, just different.

And maybe it would be frustrating to MacTroll to see that I drop things for our kid, but I don't drop them for him, unless he's gone for work. And then it's different. I'm not canceling engagements to snuggle with a man I see only one-third of the time. I'm dropping them to be the primary caretaker of our child.

But in the end, I have a hard time understanding adults who are unable to function apart. Or who plainly just don't want to. I have a hard time conceptualizing what the big deal is, even though I know quite well to try and respect differences among families. But something about it just cheeses me off, and I wish it didn't.

Do I wish MacTroll was around more -- yes and no.

But I'm not going to go insane thinking about what isn't. I'm going to live my life, and be happy that I have him in it -- now matter how small that amount of time may be.