The boring blog

Most of my entries are not so exciting. Mostly, it's just me using the internet as a way to take time doing something that isn't a chore. I like to keep busy. It keeps my mind from wandering too much, but I've had something happen a few times in the last couple of weeks, so I'm making it my entry. I don't know quite what it says, but I'm pretty sure that mostly it says, that I'm sorry.

I know a lot of cool people. It's amazing really. And I want to spend time with all of them, but for some reason my schedule lately reads like a Victorian era dance card full of gentlemen I don't know and don't know if I care for. And in between these crazy gentlemen are my friends, my lovely friends, who I never get enough of. 

Quigs mentioned the other day that our kids haven't had set playdates because my schedule is crazy. Roger Rogers and I suspended our weekly Monday playdates during the summer because of X-man's swim schedule and then because of his broken leg. And although we're resuming them the Monday after Labor Day, it still feels like forever since I've seen her. Dinner plans with Harley didn't work out almost a month ago, and I've been crappy about getting back to her about rescheduling. I used to walk every Friday morning with Special K, but then her work kicked into gear and my school got crazy and we stopped. I think about Freak and Lavender every day. I got a whim to go walking the other night and phoned up Libbygirl, crossing my fingers she'd want to meet us at Meadowbrook. She did, and it was lovely, as always. But it made me miss her terribly, particularly when she starts talking about selling her house and moving at the end of her husband's postdoc. I feel guilty that the last two times X-man has seen his buddy J-man, he's been with MacTroll. I'm always running off to get crap done, rather than getting down and spend time with them, too. And as KTDID moves forward with her new job and settling into the community, I don't feel like she and I get very much KTDID/Dana time because X-man is always around. 

And then there are the people I so want to be friends with, but can't manage my time to fit them in. The Runnergirls, the Canadians, the two moms at X-man's school that I've talked to about playdates, but haven't followed through on. The swimming pool return I owe RunMamaRun, the quick visit to Make-up Girl's that I'll hopefully get to follow up with regarding a day trip to the Indianapolis Zoo. And after years of talking about it I finally got a shopping trip scheduled with Womanthatrolls in Oakbrook for the end of the month. 

But I feel like I've completely blown off my sister, CaptPatrick and Fargo. Not to mention others that don't have code names that I'm forgetting to name right now (since X-man is in the tub and I'm just too tired). It's terrible. I need to start saying no to things. I need to focus on my family, my school, and where I want to go with my career. Did I blog yet that I applied for a part-time pre-school teacher position in town. I haven't visited their program yet, I do that on Thursday a.m. I haven't decided if I want to work yet, or if I think I'll just ask to be a sub. If the program is ideal (it really fits with my crazy schedule) I may just go for it. 

But right now, I seem to be having so much time go to the weight loss project, trying to deal with my child's broken leg and rehab and keeping up with house crap -- the time slips away. If I didn't plan things a month in advance, I wouldn't get to do anything. And how many people have to do that? 

This is where I say I'm sorry. And that I'm a bit of a loser. I'll try to do better. 

"Mommy, Play with me!"

Ever since the X-man broke his leg, he's become a whiner. And I don't just mean your average 3-year-old whiner. I mean like -- Luke Skywalker league whiner.

Whenever we're alone, every 10 seconds is a constant repeat of "Mommy, play with me." And if he doesn't get what he wants from Mommy, he goes around the room with Daddy and KTDID. Today, he played with MacTroll through breakfast, and then while we were getting ready to go to Peoria to visit MacTroll's parents, he played the Sesame Street computer game. MacTroll went to the potty, X-man got the trackball turned the wrong way and starts screaming at him for help. "Get off the potty and help me!" 

Whine, demand, whine, demand, whine, demand. You can try to reason with the monster, but all he does is continue to whine. You can ignore the monster and it still goes on. And as I'm rushing around doing dishes and laundry tonight to try to keep the boat afloat, he's carrying on the whole time. Never mind the hours we played with Little People and balloons at his grandparents' house. Never mind the "go fish" game we played in the car. Never mind the bike shop fix it game that his dad did with him in the driveway, or the walk his mom offered to take him on with the dogs. 

He just keeps wanting more, all the time. And every time he whines, I have pangs of guilt. But at the same time, I need to take a shower. I need to do the laundry. I need to take out the recycling. I need to scoop the cat boxes. And although I'm a pretty good multi-tasker -- I can't do those things while I'm playing Superman and the Firefighters or while I'm playing playdough or while my child is being air traffic control.

I remember when he was younger how we'd comment about how well he played by himself. Now, he seems completely unable to sit alone 10 feet away from us without demanding attention -- even when we're on the pot. Even at his friends' house, he whines at them to come play his game or with the toy he wants to play with -- over and over and over again. And let's face it, I love my child, but he's not the best socialized player these days. You have a conversation with his firefighter because he wants you to talk with his -- and you get told you're asking the wrong questions. You build with blocks and you get told you're using the wrong colors... You get a baby dressed, and he tells you it's suddenly bathtime.

It's annoying, the whining, and the demanding and the dictating. And it's a terrible habit he picked up on bed rest. 

Imagination Station

I have an active imagination. I day dream a lot. I can completely phase out in the middle of class, at work, driving on the highway, etc. I wander into my brain to places where I can be pretty, witty, smart -- in control.

I learned a long time ago that control is a pointless goal. My life has had too much change from year to year, from week to week or to minute to minute to have control issues. However, I do like to plan. I like contingencies, if at all possible. I like to plan ahead, so I don't have to deal with issues later. 

KTDID, my sister and my spouse would tell you how they find this endearing and annoying. I can't help it, it's the way I am. 

But sometimes, I think I spend too much time in my brain, alone. I'm not sure if it's just a reflection of my originality any more -- or an escape mechanism. Is it okay that it might be both?

It was a good day

Today started a little random when MacTroll decided to take his time getting up. He woke X-man up 45 minutes later than I normally do, which would normally put us 45 minutes late. As it turned out, we were able to cut a bit of the normal routine back (or hurry it up) and we got him to school only 30 minutes late. 

But the big news is that KTDID starts a mid-level management job at Developmental Services Center on Monday, which is awesome.

Plus, we had my aunt and uncle and cousin over for dinner. I made oil poached salmon with a garden cucumber salad and a spinach and strawberry salad for dinner. All are items that I can eat when I'm in the maintenance part of my diet (which comes up in a few weeks, hopefully). For dessert, I shared the Weight Watcher's chocolate cherry cupcakes from Quigs, the Cointreau Ghiradelli Chocolate Chip Cookies that X-man and MacTroll made earlier this week, and a new Cooking Light recipe, fresh chilled cherries with stems that you dip into a sweetened sour cream dip. We hadn't seen my family in FOREVER, so it was nice to spend time with them.

X-man is finally up to standing and making his way around on his leg. He still needs some support (usually holding a hand or onto a wall or piece of furniture) to get around upright. But tonight after school was the first time he got brave enough to go it alone. We cheer him on a bit, too. He also made it through school today without any potty incidents, which made me happy.

I'm also excited because my DVD set of the first season if Thirtysomething arrived today. KTDID and I used to watch it on Lifetime when we were in college. I'm wondering how we'll view it any differently now that we're age appropriate. :-)

First Day of School

This is where I completely kiss up to one of my favorite teachers. This semester I'm taking a Language and Literature Class for Small Children at Parkland. Nancy Gaumer is my teacher. I had her last semester for an Infant/Toddler class and I loved her. 

Nancy has a lot of energy in the classroom. She clearly loves teaching potential teachers and is completely in love with little kids. So often I've dealt with teachers who are completely burned out. They make negative off-handed comments or generalizations about their students in front of them. They phone in their classes and really don't inspire much of anything in the classroom. 

Today was our first day in class. Nancy had vases with flowers on the table with bright pieces of material underneath each vase. She began by taking our photos (she's a very visual learner) and then she read us Mrs. Bindergarten Gets Ready for Kindergarten.  Afterwards, she talked about the goals for the class, her love of literature and reading with/to kids and talked about why, educationally, putting some emphasis and performance and personality into it is of dire importance in the classroom, particularly for little kids. She also stressed that lap reading was a much more effective teaching tool than group time because it formulates a bond or trust between the small child and the educarer (that's right -- it's jargon). 

Anyway, besides her positive attitude and open door communication with her students, Nancy gets the big picture, so, as a student, I feel like she gets me. I guess there is more bonding to group reading than she thinks. ;-)

"Librarians are my heroes," she gushed to the classroom, and she gave me a great program idea for CARE. 

All in all, it was a great hour and 15 minutes, and I'm so looking forward to going back on Thursday.

Today's List of 20 things I am doing

1. Bake the Cooking Light Veggie Sausage Casserole that I prepped last night.

2. Get X-man fed and dressed.

3. Take X-man to school.

4. Go for a 60-minute walk with Riley.

5. Shower.

6. Eat Lunch

7. Got to class from 12:30-1:45 p.m.

8. Pick up Riley's allergy medicine.

9. Vacuum the unfortunate incident from last Sunday from my car.

10. Laundry

11. Scrubbing closet/vacuuming living room.

12. Pick up X-man from school.

13. Play with X-man.

14. Go to Nutrition class.

15. Eat dinner.

16. Read Child Psych: Chapter 1

17. Give X-man a bath.

18. Put X-man to bed.

19. Go to Karaoke!

20. Fall asleep.

Yup -- we're back to the norm.

Free Your Mind... and the Rest Will Follow

Yeah, that's right, I quoted En Vogue. 

X-man's cast came off at 9 a.m. The x-ray clearly showed that new bone has completely taken over the fractures. They removed the cast and X-man freaked out. 

It's got to feel strange to have had a heavy weight on your leg and not be able to bend your leg for 4.5 weeks. But last night he was excited about being able to run and jump and play at school today. This morning he woke up full of anxiety. He was afraid it wouldn't be fixed. He was afraid he'd need another cast. Then when the doctor said he was ready to start walking again, X-man told the doctor he was wrong, told him it was still broken and that he needed to fix it because the bone still needed to grow. He knew -- because he'd read it in a book from the library.

He demanded to be carried. If you put him down he stands on one leg crying and then sits down. We have it wrapped in an ace bandage because the skin around his ankle is angry, and we have to keep him from scratching it. 

I thought he'd be a bit slow on it, kind of like when it took him 3 days to figure out that he could walk in the walking cast. But he doesn't even want to try. I took him to the park, where he pushed himself around on his butt for a bit -- like he did when he had his blue cast on.

Then he said he wanted to see his friends, so I took him to school. Once he walked in the door, he started asking to go home. "I'm not ready yet." 

So, he's at home with me today. He's been in "Little Bear" heaven while I try to get some housework done for dinner guests on Wednesday. He's sitting in front of his lunch dish right now. Afterwards, he's going upstairs to take a 20-minute bath. I had dreams of just having him soak in one for a couple hours, but apparently letting the toes wrinkle is a bad idea and will completely freak out the skin. So, 20-minute limit for the next 7-10 days. Still, it's a bath that's not given with a sponge and with him protesting leaning back so I can rinse his hair at the kitchen sink.

I told him he has to go back to school tomorrow -- because I have to go back to school tomorrow. 

On the plus side, we're out of diapers/pull ups for the 2nd time this summer... let's hope he's still 98 percent potty trained -- you know -- outside of those times when he's pissed off at me and pees on the floor just to push my buttons and drive me crazy.

Power Struggles

Today was the first day I said outloud that I was tired of being a mommy. I said it to my spouse. I said it in my kitchen with tears in my eyes while we were making lunch. I admitted to him that I have fantasies of living alone somewhere with my cat. Then I ate my lunch, mowed the backyard, scooped the dog poop, put the dishes from lunch in the dishwasher and came upstairs where I hide.

Today was not a good morning. Last night was not a good night. If the level of jerkiness of a kid is a measurement of the mother's job performance, I've done the shittiest parenting job imaginable. The really sad part is that I also know that I'm also doing the best I can. 

And, just like when I fall apart about other things in my life that I feel like I have no control over, there continues to be this feeling of dread. This feeling that something is wrong with me -- that I am fundamentally broken.

2010 Planning

MacTroll and I are planning a series of vacations for next year. We're giving some serious thought about New Year's in Toronto or Chicago, a Mediterranean Cruise and doing a week of "family camp" in Maine. 

With all of MacTroll's travel, he's accumulated a lot of airline and hotel points, even though we had the 10-day vacation to California in June. It's the one benefit to having a spouse gone every other week.

Plus, this October, he has a road show for 4 weeks. Last year it was 6 months long, and I'm so happy this year is a shortened version. But October is going to be crazy packed, and then he's got a week-long sales seminar in California. 

I picked up my books for my two classes this week. I'm taking Language and Literature for Young Children with Nancy Gaumer and a Child Psychology class. Total tuition for the semester was a bit over $500 -- total book cost for 2 books -$180. Something seems very, very wrong with that.

Severely Lacking Motivation

It just hit me that this is the last week of summer. I start school next week. Sure, I'm only going part-time this semester, but I didn't really have a lay-about summer. So, I think that's what's happening right now. 

I'm laying about because I know that next week I won't get to do that at all.

So, if you don't see me around, check my couch. I downloaded Dollhouse from iTunes and am rewatching with KTDID, who didn't see them the first time.

Tuesday's Baggage

Today, I ran over to pick up my bag from American Airlines. The gate agent smirked and said, "You'll need to come in the back with me. There's a lot to look through this week."

Usually, I just describe the bag and they bring it out... unless the gate agent is insisting the only small bag that meets my description isn't mine... (because they know it's MacTroll's from staring at it every other week and have no idea who the hell I am). 

Anyway, today, I jumped through the baggage area and went to the back. MacTroll's new bag has cowprint on it, so it's easy to spot. (Yeah, it's a big joke with the folks he works with at Apple. Apparently, it never occurred to him that Gateway had the cow image in the late 90s.) The gate agent seemed depressed that I wasn't taking more bags. The small room was FILLED with large black bags from all of the students moving back, who got screwed by Sunday's weather, too.

As it is, MacTroll had to take KTDID's bag this week, so I'm ordering us a second one... 

Ships by night -- passing

So, anyone within 100 miles of O'Hare airport knows that the storm yesterday really jacked the place up. I was stuck in Montreal for an extra 3 hours waiting for weather and traffic to clear for my plane to take off. They canceled the flight after me completely. 

When I arrived in O'Hare, I thought, at least I'll have options. LOL. OMG. I was met with a sea of confused activity like I have never seen outside those movies where the aliens have come to kill earthlings or a giant meteor is crashing toward the planet and giant tidal waves are knocking over NYC.

There's simply nothing you can do when the weather goes bad. Alas, the 6:25 p.m. flight to Champaign had not taken off on time, but my 7:20 p.m. one did. And the 8:55 p.m. one was left... but by the time I got there there were 17 people each on the standby list for both flights that only hold 40 people total.

At 10:15 p.m., I made my way down to the LEX terminal. MacTroll had purchased me the bus ticket online, and holy cow, am I glad I decided not to stay at a hotel because the first flight anyone could get booked back to Champaign today started at --- 8 p.m. Plus, the cab line and the congestion of friends and family members trying to get to the airport to pick up stranded folks was a couple miles long. As it was the big LEX bus was completely full. And I wondered, when we pulled into the Illinois Terminal, who in the hell is picking all these college kids up at 2 a.m. on a Monday morning. 

Yeah, so as it works out... it takes 15 hours to drive from Montreal to Champaign. Yesterday, it took American Airlines and LEX 14.5 hours to get me home... and I still ended up footing the $63 bus ticket because when delays are due to weather NOTHING is paid for. Because it's not anyone's fault. 

Still, I got home and KTDID, MacTroll and I had some random silly 15-minute conversation before we headed to bed. At 5:45 a.m., MacTroll got up, packed KTDID's suitcase (we'll see if mine finds its way back to me today) and took it with him on his 3-city tour of D.C., N.Y. and Minneapolis. 

And since X-man woke up at 6 a.m. -- I'm going to deposit him at school at 8:30 a.m. and sleep like crazy today... my brain tried momentarily to explain the 2 half empty bags of Tostitos, the full bag of blue corn chips I bought before I left, another new bag of blue corn chips and two full bags of Tostitos in the pantry. I so totally gave up on that.

Stranded at the airport. Branded a fool. What will they say Monday at school?

Yup, I've been at YUL now for ooooh, 6 hours. The standby flight they tried to put me on got SENT BACK to Canada due to a shut down at ORD due to weather.

Now my 4:20 flight isn't scheduled to board for another 30 minutes and they completely canceled the 6:30 p.m. flight. So, I'm thinking the $9.95 I paid for internet access came in pretty handy because I HATE airport books. 

The line for people who want their bags because they're spending the night in Montreal has grown. If given the choice I think I'd rather stay in Chicago. I have people there. :-) But if worse comes to worse, my friend Mitra won't mind if I crash with her. I, unfortunately, missed her this trip since she was off in a chalet with her boys. 

But mostly, I've had to move away from the panicking gate lice. You can tell the non-travelers from the travelers. The travelers are quietly reading their books comfortable with the lack of control and timeliness. I mean, what can they do about severe weather? The gate lice are being uptight and bitchy. What's the nice French speaking English lady supposed to do? She's not Superwoman.

Me, I'm sitting on the floor with my laptop plugged into the wall. My one giant complaint about this airport has always been that they built these awesomely comfortable sitting areas with no adequately placed electrical outlets...

Sunny Saturday

So I had a hard time sleeping last night. I fell asleep around 11:30 p.m. and woke up at 3 a.m. bright eyed and bushy tailed. And then I couldn't fall asleep again until 7 a.m. I got up at 9:40 a.m., took a shower, had some breakfast and left the house at 11 a.m. for a 2 hour and 15 minute walk. 

I was up and down hills, but what was strange was that by 1 p.m., as I was cruising up St. Laurent back to the house, my inner thighs and buttocks started to cramp. I'm guessing I was hanging on a bit tighter than I thought while on the motorcycle yesterday. 

I took a nap for a couple hours on the couch while trying to read Pride and Prejudice. Now Air Force One is on TV -- en anglais. It is, in my opinion, the last good movie Harrison Ford made.

Tonight, I'm eating in. The bag is pre-packed and tomorrow I'll be calling Gerson, my cabbie, to see if he can come pick me up at noon and go back to the airport. 

School starts a week from Tuesday for me...

Friday Fun

So, yesterday I was supposed to have breakfast with Sully, but work kept him late. I didn't see him until mid-morning, so it became brunch. He did, however, make it up to me by showing up with two motorcycle helmets. For years, he's offered to take me for a ride on his bike. And each year I'm in Montreal, the day we're supposed to get together, it would rain cats and dogs. Yesterday, it didn't.

We ate at L'Express, which is kind of a famous place in Montreal. There is no sign above the door, just the name spelled out in tiles on the floor in front of the front door. I think my fresh fruit salad was just slightly more expensive than his two eggs over easy with baguette toast. During breakfast one of the employees was carrying large paper bags of baguettes from the kitchen to the front. BAGS of them. The host did a language shuffle on the phone determining if people making reservations for that night were French or English. Afterwards, I changed into a pair of jeans and put on some sunblock for the ride.

I've never been on a motorcycle, and I'd be lying if I said the idea didn't scare me to death. But once we were going over the bridge past the Belmont Theme Park and the Biodome worry just kind of melted away. We road out to Beloeil, where Sully got some kind of lime slushy with a giant helping of vanilla soft serve on the top. Given my current food schedule, I felt like I had given up smoking and was standing in the middle of one of the smoking rooms in the St. Louis Airport. Sully saw my eyes open wide as I stood with my back almost against the door, "Diet Coke?" he asked. I nodded yes.

He deposited me safely at the door of my apartment. Hugged me and took off for the rest of his day. Sometimes I feel like the drop by friend. I'm here once a year and between him and my other friends on Monkland, we try to make the visits work. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't, which sucks because usually I have such a good time with them that I don't want the day to end. But mostly, it makes me want to move to the plateau and become bilingual.

On my way...

I'm up and my annual trip to Montreal is this a.m. :-) 

Plans currently include, sleeping in mass quantities, reading in Mont Royal park, fall clothes shopping and brunch at L'Express.

A Busy Wednesday

Today, X-man went to school for a half day. I picked him up after lunch and we drove to Normal and went to the Discovery Museum. We were there from 1 until 4:30 p.m. X-man, who had been whining at me at school about how he couldn't walk, saw the toys at the museum, let go of my hand -- and hobbled off to do his thing. It was awesome to watch his "I do it by myself" independence suddenly sprout back. So, I'm glad this complete boredom and neediness issue will be going away shortly. It's so not him -- and it doesn't suit him. And really, holy crap, am I tired of the whining. The hugs and kisses I'll take any time, but the screeching -- no thank you.

After the museum, we walked down to COSI for dinner -- where X-man promptly fell asleep at the table. We ate early, around 4:30 p.m. So we let him sleep at the table until 5:45 p.m. Then he woke up as MacTroll carried him back to the car so we could go see the Wiggles at the U.S. Cellular Coliseum. X-man was pretty stoked. And I have to tell any Mommy friends who have crushes on Anthony -- he was doing simple gymnastics through the WHOLE concert. Seriously... handstands, front rolls, uneven bar-esque tricks... shockingly, so was Capt. Feathersword, who must wear something fluffy underneath his shirt to make him more stout on the videos, because he was pretty spry doing lifts of the female gymnasts and dancers all night long.

Perhaps my favorite part of the day though, was when we were in the doctor/medical center section of the children's museum. X-man was wearing a doctor coat and helping my sick baby doll feel better, when a little girl (who was around 5) came over on a pair of play crutches from the exhibit and said said to X-man, "Hey, can I please take a turn wearing the cast and boot?" She even offered up the crutches as a trade...

It actually took some convincing to sell her the idea that his red cast and walking boot weren't part of the exhibit -- and that we weren't lying and not sharing.

Blue cast, Red cast -- a cast to walk on!

X-man got his blue cast cut off this afternoon. The X-rays looked amazing in comparison to two weeks ago. Hooray for youth! 

He is now in a red cast. And as of tomorrow morning, he'll be allowed to walk on it wearing a special cast boot (XS Adult -- so I'm pretty sure his feet are almost as big as Libbygirl's :-). 

Then on August 24th, we go back in and get the red cast cut off, another x-ray -- and hopefully he'll be up and running. Which means, I'm going to take my kid to the pool for a LOT of swimming that last weekend in August. He can roll in sandboxes, run through sprinklers, play baseball on a real diamond... anyone wanna come with us?

Shhhh! I'm herding kitty cats.

Today is the annual vaccination/examination for our three black and white cats. And every year for the last 6 they have gone in together. Mostly because it makes it easier not to have to make three different trips. So far I have 2/3 crated and ready to go. 

The last one is Clawdio. He's smarter than the other two, quieter and not at all food driven, which makes him the hardest to catch. Right now, he's underneath the bed. Usually when I lie down in bed and work on my laptop, he crawls out from under the bed, stretches and comes up to join me for some pets. 

Not so far this a.m. though. Maybe it's because MacTroll is still in room.

I might have to resort to dismantling the bed to get him, which is not how I wanted this to go. And if I bring the food up to him -- he knows trouble is coming and starts stressing. 

Date Night

Last night my father stayed home with X-man while MacTroll and I went to see Julia and Julie, directed by Nora Ephron. I had been reading reviews and a few of them had noted that not only is it a fun story for foodies (anyone who likes butter, in this case...) but it's a fun movie for married people. I had never read those words in a movie review before. 

Usually "chick flicks" are about finding a "prince" or a "hero" (hello, Pretty Woman), or they often portray marriage in a  horrible "Disney" light OR they show how marriage is a gigantic downer and always falls apart, so why bother? 

Instead, this film showed a range of marriage issues, but for the vast part, in particular, Julia and Paul were very inspiring. And they were so freaking nice to each other -- even when they weren't. Mostly they appeared to find great humor in one another. I wonder if this is because they found each other later in life? But they weren't bogged down in the day to day, even when the day to day found her husband being questioned by the Feds thousands of miles away from her...

It was a highly entertaining film. Joel and I laughed through most of it and held hands during the most endearing as well as the sadder moments. It's one I'll be purchasing and putting on my DVD shelf for the days when I don't feel so fabulous about coupledom. It reveals the big picture of married life, which so many people don't get to see because they haven't been together long enough to appreciate it. 

In other movie news, Roger Rogers and I are finally going to go see The Ugly Truth. We had plans to go see it two weeks ago, but X-man broke is leg so I had to cancel. Two movies in two days? What is this world coming to? 

Of Two Minds

It's 8:46 a.m., the boys are still sleeping because I let X-man stay up to see MacTroll get home and have some cake. 

I want to run to the boutique sale this morning -- but I also know I should clean the first floor for my dad who will be here at noon. 

But at this point, I'd like some alone time today... maybe I'll take a shower and get dressed and really quickly run a vacuum across the carpet and kitchen and then leave the dishes for MacTroll while I run out.

You know what... that sounds fair. :-)

Woot!

MacTroll will be home in less than 24 hours. We made it through the week, and besides the fact that I have some back spasms from carrying X-man so much, the last two days have been easier than the first two days.

Today, we went to Curtis Orchard with the meetup group. X-man was unsure he wanted to leave the house, but he did enjoy seeing his friends and having snack, even if he couldn't play on all the play equipment. Afterward, we went to the store to pick up some non-food items and then back home for lunch. 

KTDID watched X-man while I tried to get in a little nap and a bath. The nap was futile, I just couldn't really feel like I had rested any, even though my eyes were closed, so I filled up the bathtub on a whim and then, afterward, scrubbed my feet down with a foot file and lathered them up with some Body Shop intensive foot lotion. 

Then X-man and I played for a while until Lighting McColin came over with Thunder. I got a good chat in with Libbygirl before X-man started clammering for dinner. KTDID took over again while I ran to Panera and had dinner with RF. Then after dinner I went back to the house and did some pick up and cleaning and playing and we baked MacTroll a welcome home cake. In one of the story books I picked up for X when he was a toddler, the daddy goes away on travel, so it talks about all the things the Mommy does with the children while Daddy is away and all the ways Daddy checks in to let them know he cares. In the end, Mommy bakes a cake for Daddy and the children decorate it. Soooo, guess what we'll be doing tomorrow after dinner. :-) Tonight though, X-man stayed up a little later to see a Clifford Movie, and then we did a bath in the sink. 

Tomorrow we've got a play date at Curious J's in the a.m., and a farewell party for Ms. Sonja in the Tiger room in the afternoon... Papa is coming to spend the night on Saturday, and he's promised to cook dinner and help out wherever needed, which is awesome. 

Making a Change

I've lost quite a bit of weight since February. It's enough that people notice. It's enough that I freak out every time I put on my pants and find them around my ankles. And most people think that when fat people get thin, it's about finally not being lazy. Because in our society Fat=Lazy. It's a terrible stereotype. 

I didn't suddenly not get lazy. I mean really, that's what facebook time is, right? I've just changed my daily priorities a lot in the last six months. And some of those changes I've loved and others I've hated. But my reason for doing so, I hold very close to my heart. I have this little boy who is not unlike his mother. He's fiercely independent, wildly active and he loves sports. I decided that if I wanted to keep having quality time with him and to keep up -- the pounds were going to have to go. 

I've watched other people have serious health issues: Diabetes, heart disease, etc., and with each new diagnosis the doctor tells them to eat less, exercise more. That advise is obviously ineffective in America. And although it may be true, unlearning eating habits after 30, 50, 70 or more years is damn difficult. So they keep eating, keep working a zillion hours in a day, keep eating large portions, keep turning to cake when life gets rough, and for a lot of people they are living the lives they want, so why change? 

I have never lived my life for anyone else. I've always made my own choices and tried to be respectful of those that share their lives with me, but I didn't make them. I made X-man. He didn't ask to be here. And he needs me. I'm his mother, and that's a huge connection. I see other parents who have lost that over the years, and I note what happened and I wonder if it will happen with my own child as he grows. 

I want to live my life with my child for as long as I can, in as good of health as I can. I do this for me because I love me -- and because I am completely in love with my little family. They need me.

As MacTroll says, "Without you -- we're screwed."

So, yeah, I rearranged some of my priorities... :-)

Inspirational T-shirts

I was at Kohl's for their big sale this weekend and saw an Adidas T-shirt that read I "heart" Cardio. (I also thought Quigs might need one to wear to Step Class.)

I thought it was cute and would be appropriate for when I'm doing my interval runs around the neighborhood. But I didn't buy it. And now I'm kind of happy I didn't. I was walking by the Lady Footlocker today at the mall. I've never, ever been in the store. But on a mannequin was a bright pink t-shirt that said in HUGE letters, "EVERY DAMN DAY." Then in smaller letters, "Just do it." Since I'm attempting to work out 60-90 minutes every day, as part of the American Heart Association's updated time allocation about how much physical activity it really takes to be in shape, keep weight off and maintain weight, it really hit home with me. 

I walked out of the mall thinking I could find it online rather than have to actually go into the Lady Footlocker store. But alas, it's not on the Nike site or the Lady Footlocker site, and a Google search only finds other frustrated online shoppers looking for the same shirt. 

So... I'll be going back to the mall sooner than later to see how much it is and if it's worth purchasing. If not, I'll have to put it on my Christmas list for Santa. 

High props to the Benedryl

Last night I got some sleep, MacTroll got some sleep and X-man only woke up once for 20 minutes. So things are looking much, much brighter today. 

I've gotten a few e-mails from people wanting to help as well as some sympathy notes from folks far away. Thanks so much! I'll be giving you a call if I need you this week, I promise.

Heads Up

I may be calling in some favors from my village this week, particularly from folks who can lift 45 lbs of protesting, struggling, unhappy pre-schooler; are loved and trusted by my kid; have kids who are friends with my kid; and -- well, whom aren't self-absorbed and full of drama and whom also have the capacity to be selfless for an hour while I try to refocus my energies from being frustrated to trying to help my healing but still injured child.

So, if you see my name on your phone or your doorbell randomly rings, for my sake, please, please answer. It won't be a test of the emergency system. It will be an actual emergency.

And if I don't call you, don't be offended. Lifeline calls depend on what question Regis asks... or I could just think you're self-absorbed and full of drama. :-P