Friday, April 24, 2009

Assumptions and Stupidity

Yeah, I'm going to rant here and send probably the seven people who read my blog into cardiac arrest because I'm going to use the non-identifying, yet all accusing "you" in my sentences... and I'm going to do it as a list, so I don't forget anything.

1) Relationships are not all the same. What happened in your relationship isn't indicative of what will happen in others'. Just because you spend every moment of every day with your significant other and think that your relationship is healthy does not mean the fact that my husband travels extensively for work is unhealthy. It's just different. That's all.

2) Just because you know everything about your significant other's work life from the minute he or she punches in, to where the car is parked in the lot, to the major clients the company works with and like to parlay this information as if you, too, are employed by the company, doesn't mean that every employee's significant other is that involved, too. I have no idea what company my husband is visiting or sometimes even what state he is in. He has a habit of visiting 3-4 cities at a time in 5 days -- sometimes 2-3 weeks out of the month. I don't have the brain power to do that while I'm trying not to burn down my house as I cook dinner. 

3) Don't assume I have any power over where my significant other goes or doesn't go. People for some reason think I'm this complete control freak who bosses MacTroll around. I have no control over what he does or doesn't do for you. I only have control over what I do. Don't IM me and ask me what he's doing or if I can ask him to call you. If you have a grievance to file, do it with him... but I gotta tell you, I've got about 17 years worth of grievances filed ahead of you for him to address when he gets a free moment to focus on that kind of stuff, so you better get used to waiting. MacTroll goes where MacTroll wants to go. He says what he wants to say. He is the controller of his calendar. If you don't get what you want -- go talk to him and leave me out of it.  

4) If someone loves you enough to try and help you function when you're not functioning. Don't freaking take her head off. I don't care if you've had a shitty day. It makes her much, much less likely to want to do anything for you in the future. No matter how much she loves you. 

5) If you've been insulting to me and you go to apologize for your own jerkiness. Don't then follow up the apology with a, "Do you just not feel well?" implying that you really think there's something wrong with me and not your behavior. It completely voids your apology. You were a jerk. And now, you're an effin' jerk.

6) Boys play with dolls. Girls play with action figures. Boys sometimes like to dress up in dresses. Girls sometimes like to run around with their shirts off. Boys can wear pink if they want to. Girls can play in the mud and be gross and dirty. It's fine. There's nothing wrong with it. Just because you were nurtured one way and grew up with all kinds of closed mindedness about such things does not mean you should pick on your children or other people's children and try to shame them into holding your same sexist standards. My kid has a baby. The baby's name is Annika. The baby is a boy. The baby sleeps in a pink bassinet. He gets pushed around in a black and magenta stroller. X-man is learning to love and care for something through the same attachment-based ways he learned to love his parents. Seriously, step off. If I hear one more person say something about how boys won't like or will be embarrassed by having "girl" toys or vice versa, I'm gonna scream. Have you not seen this from 1974? You sound like an outdated moron when you say shit like that.


9 comments:

Amy said...

Go Looseyfur!!

I agree! I bitch about my husband all the time but what we have works. Sometimes I don't even know how it does so how the hell am I supposed to explain it to other people. =)

And I CANNOT STAND the sterotypes about girls and boys that STILL EXIST!! I thought we would have figured out by now that just because a boy plays with dolls or wears pink doesn't MEAN anything except he's playing with dolls and likes pink. Same thing if a girl plays with dump trucks and wears her brother's clothes on a almost daily basis.

I just love that my 5 year old son wanted his cupcakes for his birthday to be lemon cupcakes with strawberry (pink) icing even though he did say that the boys might not like them. I asked him why and he said some boys in his class don't like pink. Did that stop him from having me make them? Nope! They looked great with the Darth Vader and Stormtrooper cupcake toppers. =)

the sandwich life said...

I am TOTALLY with you on this.....take care....

Unknown said...

Big K has a doll too,... his name is Baby Jack. Sometimes Big K sleeps with him. K is also one of the best big brothers around and I give *some* credit to Baby Jack! Big K also had a "pink party" for his birthday. Complete with pink cake and plates and cups and he loved it :) I think it is cute!

As far as everything else goes... now that you got it out there and dealt with your feelings on all of those things... you can go back to living the life you created for yourself the way that works for you. As far as husbands go... mine never travels but I have NO CLUE what kind of research he does. I can tell you "der, he works with lasers and simulates experiments in space",... I definitely have the dumbed down version of what he does. In fact, *gasp* I am not at all interested in Chemistry or what he does in the lab. I must be the worst wife ever. Different strokes for different folks and all.

Quigs78 said...

Yep, yep, and yep.

Bubba has pink gloves. PG likes trains and Cars.

The husband "makes video games," because that's the extent of my programming knowledge.

And I <3 FTBYAM! (Um, I still have your copy. Sorry.)

The Fearless Freak said...

Hey, quit talking about my kid! All your "girls can't" things sound just like MT :)

And yeah RF tries to talk to me about work and my eyes sort of glaze over and eventually he stops. Occasionally, he has a funny interesting story (I'm a fan of the stupid passenger stories) but other than, not interested. And yeah, I don't know where he is at work. I figure, if he isn't here, he is either there or with MacTroll or Mr. Quigs. In any case, I'm not all that worried about it. He'll be back here eventually.

ktdid said...

What?!? You mean there are people out there that think I'm supposed to like pink? ;) Seriously, if you're reading this and are a person that sticks to sexist thinking, please don't share your thinking with the little ones you know (or the big ones either for that matter). They're living in a world that you didn't. Don't mess 'em up and give them complexes they'll have to unravel in therapy in their 30s.

Angela Z. said...

Amen, sister.

Proud parent of a little boy who wanted to be a pretty peacock for Halloween and prefers Dora to Diego.

Some people suck....you rock!

~rachel~ said...

I still remember watching Full House, and Uncle Jesse and Becky had their twins who were playing with dolls. He was OF COURSE bothered by this, but Becky said something about the boys growing up to be good, caring dads... it even made sense to me then and I was just a child.

Leighann of Multi-Minding Mom said...

When my son was born we told a lot of people that we didn't need much because we had hand-me-downs. And the first Christmas people wanted to get him toys. I said he had all of his sister's old toys. But people were like "No, he needs BOY toys."

I was so stunned. First, we have a lot of gender neutral toys. Second, I in fact got a lot of "boy" toys for my daughter. And third, who cares if he plays with "girl" toys. Really, WTF?

He loves his sister's doll stroller (which she never really played with) all over the house with any number of toys in the seat (anything from trains to dolls). He loves it because it has wheels and can push it around!

He loves the kitchen set (opening and closing doors and putting things in and taking them out).

(Sorry...you shouldn't get me started on the whole toys-dictated-by-gender thing!)