Thinking Out Loud

MacTroll is awesome at his job. Every year that he's been with the major huge techie company he's won some kind of award or trip or free computer for performance excellence. He's dedicated, his work days know no hours and they compensate him very well for something he doesn't have a formal degree in (of course none of his co-workers really have an MIS degree either). 

Anyway, last year he won a 5-day vacation to the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas for himself and his significant other (I was shocked and surprised when he chose me :-).) Everything at the resort that wasn't included was ferociously expensive, so we were confined to the resort and our meal passes. It wasn't all that warm out most of the days (not that far enough south), plus there were rip tides every day, so no ocean swimming. But still, I'm the mother of a toddler. I got to read books and sleep in every day for five days, I should have been grateful, right?

Well, I wasn't. Because I was there with 100 of MacTroll's co-workers, who unlike my techno nerd were all sales people. The kind with fake bake tans and trophy wives bragging about their $20,000 home theaters and the payments on their Jaguars. And I hate dinner with them and usually breakfast every day. Plus, there was the added weirdness that our friend was there sans spouse due to an unfortunate domestic turn of events (i.e. he pissed her off enough to make her NOT want to go on vacation with him), so our friend was with us at every meal. After lunch, I'd send the boys on their way after lunch, while I went upstairs to the hotel to nap. 

We did find a handful of people that were enjoyable, and we all pretty much stuck together like glue at events like the company beach picnic or the luau. 

The other problem is care. Both of my parents still work, so there aren't grandparents to leave them with. I feel weird asking friends to take my child for five days, when most of them already have their hands full with their own kids. So we flew X-man out to Awesome sister-in-law K's house for the five days, where he got to play with his three cousins. He got to hang with K's mom Rita, go on bounce houses, play with their toys and train tables and he was a happy, happy camper. But K lives in Baltimore. So it's a flight out there, and then a flight to Bahamas and back to Baltimore and then back home for a vacation that wasn't at all relaxing or even really enjoyable.

When we got back, despite the sleep, I determined that I wasn't going again. It wasn't worth 5 days without my kid and for liability reasons you're not able to bring a child, even if you pay for them. 

Well, it looks like MacTroll is going to win a trip this year too. This time the company has reserved an entire resort in Mexico (meaning I couldn't even escape the corporate weirdness if I wanted too). But MacTroll really wants to go, so I told him to go. They don't allow people who aren't spouses/significant others to go with him, and like our friend, he's afraid he'll be the third wheel all of the time. But on the other hand, he would get to nap and sleep in and get some time away from us that wasn't working. Just like I have my mom-only vacations, I support MacTroll having his Dad-only vacations.

But he keeps telling me he wishes that I'd change my mind. But I'd rather stay home alone than go. And that to me speaks volumes about what a crappy time I had. But I still feel guilty. 

"Oooh, poor me, I don't want to go on the free vacation to Mexico with my husband," -- maybe if it was just the two of us I'd be willing -- but then, of course, it wouldn't be free. 

Anyway, this is me just thinking out loud. My instincts say no, but my guilt says - Sigh.